


She is my Kingdom come

by TheRaadicalKid



Category: Merlin (TV), Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Did I say angst?, F/F, Fluff and Angst, GUESS WHAT I STILL SUCK AT SUMMARIES, Hurt/Comfort, SLOW BURN YALL, anger issues, good!Morgana, reversed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-10-16 07:59:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 65,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10567008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRaadicalKid/pseuds/TheRaadicalKid
Summary: Everything was perfect. Everything was paradise. until the Kingdoms of the love of each other's lives,Princess Kara Zor-El of Krypton andPrincess Morgana Pendragon of Camelot clash.Morgana dies. Or so they thought.Morgana is actually alive and had lost her memories.8 years later, due to another accident, she remembers everything.She comes back in Kara's life not as Morgana but as Lena Luthor, Kara's knight.There's a threat to Kara's life and Lena Luthor has to protect it at all cost.She has to protect her at all cost. Even if the cost is losing Kara the second time around.\\\or... BECAUSE THERE ARE LOTS OF FIC ABOUT LENA FALLING FOR THE SAME PERSON, IT'S ABOUT TIME KARA FALLS IN LOVE WITH THE SAME PERSON AS WELL BCS YOU KNOW LENA LUTHOR DESERVES THE BEST AND MORGANA DESERVES ALL THE LOVE SHE CAN GET!!





	1. Paradise

**Author's Note:**

> More characters to come. And oh, Lena isn't here in this chapter yet.
> 
> Hey Fam! sorry for the errors. I dont proofread and I might not read the chapter again after posting it bc it might take time and I have school stuff, so sorry I guess? 
> 
> Not an expert in medieval AU so sorry in advance if I get the terms wrong or whatsoever.

Princess Kara Zor-El of Krypton and Princess Morgana of Camelot run through the secret tunnels of the castle on their way to their  _secret place._ They've been there many times already since they first accidentally discovered it but the place never gets old. It was like a paradise. It was the untouched part of Krypton's Kingdom that no one knew about. The flowers are blooming everywhere. Everything was green and colorful. The rivers were crystal clear and the waterfalls were dazzling. It really is paradise for both of the princesses. It was euphoric to be there. They have spent many memories there together. Many  _firsts._ after all, they are each other's first love.

Kara who was afraid of the water faced her fears for the first time there. Morgana taught her how to swim there. They played with the butterflies, the birds, and all the different animals. They made their first tree house with their own hands. It was there that they first held hands. In that paradise, their first kiss happened too . Kara and Morgana felt their first time feeling butterflies in their stomachs, the first time feeling like having a heart attach because of too much happiness, their first declaration of love for each other, everything happened there. Everything about that paradise felt magical.

"You ready?" Kara asks Morgana, smiling. She knows Morgana is afraid of heights and this time she is going to be the one to teach Morgana how to face her fears. "at the count of 3... 2...."

Kara doesn't finish the countdown. Instead, she opted to jump in the waterfalls, pulling Morgana along with her. The princesses both resurface from under the water, catching their breaths.

"Whew! I can't..." Morgana gasps, grinning in disbelief and still in awe. "I can't believe I did that! We did that" She turns to Kara who was also smiling and staring at Morgana, starstruck. Morgana pulls Kara for a passionate kiss. She rests her forehead on Kara.

"Thank you, Kara" Morgana adds, staring at her beautiful girlfriend. She looks at where they are and she realizes they are still in the water which was 30 ft. deep. Her smile grows wider as she shakes her head, laughing. "And I can't believe you're so good with swimming. It was only 2 years ago that you ignored me for pushing you in here"

"Hey! We were young, okay?" Kara splashes some water unto her. "And I have a good teacher."

"Oh, do you now?" Morgana smirks, raising an eyebrow as she teases Kara. She swims closer towards the blonde with a flirtatious look on her. Morgana puts her arms on Kara's shoulders, pulling her closer. "I could teach you more explicit things, if you know what I mean"

"Morgana!" Kara nudges her as the blonde blushes scarlet red. 

It never fails to amaze Morgana how shy Kara could get despite them being in love with each other for years now. Her girlfriend is just too adorable for her.

Kara's smile falters, her face turning into a more serious look. "What will we do, Morgana?"

"I honestly don't know, Kara" And with that, Morgana's smile fades away as well. Their Kingdoms have been allies for years. But these past few years, there had been some conflict between the two kingdoms. Accusations have been made, words have been uttered. At that moment, their fathers were in a meeting and who knows what is happening at the castle. It was really getting out of hand and looking like the once friendly allies will turn into foes. This terrifies the princesses. This made them anxious what it could mean for the both of them, for their relationship, for their kingdoms.

They kept quiet for a few minutes as they lay there under the waterfalls, not caring about the pressure that the water was having on them. It felt peaceful there.

"Promise me, Morgana." Kara says, looking up. She stares at those dazzling emereld eyes. She couldn't really see Morgana clearly because of the waterfalls but those eyes... Those eyes, she could always see crystal clear. "Promise me, We'll find a way. We..."

"We have to, Morgana.." Kara squeezes Morgana's hands.

There was a crack in her voice, a sound of defeat. This made Morgana's heart break. She could see how scared Kara was.  _is._ And she is too but someone had to be strong for both of them. so she hides the fear away and assures Kara. "Oh, darliing. It'll be okay. I promise you, we'll find a way." 

And with that, Morgana pulls Kara into her arms, kissing her and making her feel safe. 

"I love you, Morgana" Kara whispers, tracing Morgana's lips with her thumb. "I'll always be. Nothing could change that, I promise."

"No matter what happens when we get back at the castle, know I'll  always love you too, Kara" Morgana says, intertwining their fingers together, resting her forehead on Kara's as she cups her cheek with her free hand. "I'll always come back to you. to  _here._ I love you."

They both smile, staring at each other getting lost in their own paradise, in this moment. **_"Always and Forver"_ ** Kara and Morgana both whisper at the same time.

 

That was the last time Princess Kara Zor-El of Krypton saw the one she loves the most in this world.

That was the last time Kara saw Princess Morgana of Camelot.

_****_

_but that was almost 8 years ago. When Kara was a young, foolish, naive 16 year old princess who knew nothing about how cruel this world can be. When her parents were still alive. When she was still the kind, optimistic, happy, bubbly, and miss sunshine princess everyone loved and adored. When Morgana and their kingdoms were still allies. When the love of her life was still smiling and happy. When she still loved life. When she still loved living._

**_When Morgana was still alive and breathing..._ **


	2. Lena. Lena Luthor

“Come on, Kara. I’m serious.” Alex says, raising her voice a little bit. Her adoptive sister always stresses her out. “You have to be on your best behavior. Not like this.” She looks at Kara from head to toe, pointing out the mess that she is and the room that a hurricane seemed to pass by the looks of it.

“Alright. Alright.” Kara rolls her eyes. She tries her best when Alex is the one requesting. She is really thankful for the Danvers for taking care of her and for stepping up, ruling the kingdom when she refused to do so after her parents’ death. She could barely take care of herself let alone a kingdom. “I’ll keep quiet if I have nothing good to say. Happy?”

“Okay. I believe you.” Alex assures her as she sits beside her sister, squeezing her hand. “It’s just that we could not afford to blow this negotiation with the kingdom of Daxam. This war between Krypton and Camelot has been going on too long. Daxam and Camelot are allies but they want to be neutral, Kara. We _need_ them to be neutral.”

Kara and Alex have been best friends since they were toddlers. The only good thing that came out of this 8 year long war is that Kara and Alex became more than best friends. They became sisters. Family. Alex was there when Morgana died. She was there for Kara when her whole family died during an attack from Camelot. Well except for Prince Kal-El and General Astra. But he went away too and Astra is always away with her army as well. Kal-El couldn’t take staying in Krypton and Rao who knows where the hell he is now while Astra leads Krypton’s armies, not passing any opportunity to seek for vengeance. Kara was the next in line to take the throne but she was a mess. She refused it. So did Astra.

Lord Jeremiah, Zor-El’s best friend and right hand man, together with her wife Lady Eliza were proclaimed the new rulers of the Kingdom. Everyone was okay with it. Everyone knew the Danvers are pure of heart.

Alex watched her best friend slowly changed. She tried doing something about it. But she couldn’t. No one could. It was like Kara’s light just dimmed altogether and turned into this giant darkness. Everyone noticed it. But no one said a thing. Everyone used to be friends with Kara, whether a servant, a knight, or a royal, Kara treated them as an equal. It was like her pure and perfect best friend turned dark and twisted inside. Kara became reckless, careless, and mean to everyone but the Danvers. Alex couldn’t blame her though. Her first love died, almost all her family died, and those who were alive left her alone as well. No one could blame Kara Danvers for losing her spirit, her desire to live, to love.

 

“We have enough bodies in the graves, Kara.” Alex adds, looking down and immediately regretting the words she just uttered.

Kara stiffens. She stands and slowly backs away, looking at Alex with darkness in her eyes. “Don’t.. Don’t you think I know that?”

“I’m sorry, Kara. I didn’t mean to.” Alex pulls her, holding her hands, giving Kara a genuine apologetic look. “Dad is doing some negotiations with the king and queen of Daxam right now. They’ll be staying in the castle and their son is on the way too.”

“I don’t care” Kara scoffs, realizing what might happen. If they are really serious about the alliance between Kingdoms, an arranged marriage might not be out of the question.  The question is which princess would they want, Alex or her? “They can wed me with the prince, Alex. I told you guys many times, I wouldn’t care.”

“Kara.” Alex sighs, hoping that it would not come to that. “I know that. But may I remind you that many wanted your hand for marriage for years. Yes, you did agree with them but your personality drove them off too. They ran away Kara”

“Hey.” Kara laughs hysterically, remembering those people she got engaged with through the years. They couldn’t even last a week with her. “It’s not my fault they’re too scared of me” She adds, still laughing, taking a few steps back slowly.

“Ow! What the-“ Kara exclaims, as she hits the knight behind her. She looks at the knight then at Alex, raising an eyebrow. “And who the hell is this? Has he been here the whole time?”

“Oh yeah” Alex laughs. “I forgot. That’s your new servant slash knight slash bodyguard. Basically your _all-in-one_ since no servant nor knight can stay a week with you as well.”

“Hmmm. Wanna bet how long he lasts?” Kara says, examining the knight who is wearing a full armor; with the closed helmet and everything.  

“Kara!” Alex warns her, pulling Kara towards the bed and tickles her. For the first time today Alex sees Kara laugh. A genuine one. Like She used to before. But just as quickly it appeared, it was gone all of a sudden too.

“Okay, okay” Kara raises her hand, surrendering. “I’ll be good.”

“Oh dear sister, I do think he’ll last.” Alex looks at the knight then back at Kara, smirking. “He’s from Daxam. He used to be captain of the guards. Now he’s assigned to you. Dad says someone who’s not under your rule might be good for you. Now be good! seriously!” Alex kisses her sister’s forehead before heading out Kara’s room.

“I’ll try” Kara smirks as she waves goodbye to Alex

 

* * *

 

It’s past 2 in the morning and Kara was changing into her ragged clothes, pretending to be a commoner. She pulls her hair up and puts some glasses on and a little bit of grease on her face and hair. She’s been doing this for a long time that she’s a pro at this, at sneaking out. But to her surprise, an arm blocks her while she was entering the hidden door of the secret tunnel’s entrance. She looks up and realizes it was the knight.

The knight shakes his head, clearly saying _no._

Damn, for the first time someone discovered her way out the castle. But that doesn’t matter. This was a Daxamite knight and maybe… just maybe he won’t tell anyone. Kara twists the knight’s arm. She was sure the knight was shocked with her strength. After all, she had been training with some commoners for 8 years. She may not know a thing about sword fighting like most royals do but she’s an expert when it comes to fighting with her bare hands.

“Look, I don’t care who you are and if you follow me, just stay out of my sight!” Kara says, kicking the knight as she runs heading out of the tunnels. She definitely has the advantage here. No one memorizes or even knows the tunnel’s twist and turns the way she does. And she was right seeing that she got to her favorite pub right on time.

 

“Kiera” Cat, the owner of the pub, acknowledges her as she gives some drinks to Kara. “Here you go. Your regular”

“Thanks Cat! Do you know where’s Winn?” Kara asks, searching the room for her friend. “Oh nevermind there he is!”

Kara heads towards Winn and side hugs him. “Winn!”

“Kiera! What took you so long!” Winn says, giving Kara another shot and the blonde immediately takes it. “Oh, This is Maggie by the way. Maggie this is my friend Kiera. She works at the castle.”

“Hey Maggie!”

“Nice to meet you Kiera. You look familiar. Have we met?”

“Oh. No” Kara gulps. “Definitely not.” Kara was sort of anxious Maggie might recognize her if she really works at the castle.  But she pushes the thought away. She has her glasses on and covered with grease. She totally looks nothing like a royalty right now.

Maggie, Winn, and Kara have been drinking for an hour or so nonstop. They’ve been hanging out with the people in the pub and clearly, they are drunk already or tipsy to say the least. Everything has been going so well until this scary dude went to their table, accusing them.

“Hey you. Are you hitting on my girlfriend?” The guy asks, pointing at Maggie.

Winn, Maggie and Kara laughs at this. “Dude, I’m not even moving from my sit. But if youre asking if I’m a lesbian, that would be yes” Maggie says, raising her hands as she winks at the guy’s girlfriend.

“Maybe you don’t have the balls to make her stay that a simple wink from my friend here makes your girlfriend w-“ Kara scoffs, mocking the guy.

Kara wasn’t able to finish her sentence. The guy suddenly punches her. It totally hurts like hell but she wasn’t gonna show that. Everything went too fast from there. The guy’s friends were running towards them and Kara, Winn and Maggie are punching people too. It was chaotic. She lands on the floor and the guy kicks her. He picks her up by pulling her collar of her shirt and as he was about to punch her again, a knight stops his arm and sends him flying.

Kara looks up at the knight. _She_ was still wearing a knight’s uniform and helmet but _Her full_ war body armor that’s made of steel was now gone. Kara could clearly see the knight’s body structure. She opens her mouth wanting to say anything but was left speechless. The knight picks her up and carries Kara over her shoulder as they leave the room.

Kara moves hysterically because this is just embarrassing for her. She kicks her feet and nudges the back of the knight. “Put me down! Put me down!”

“Not until we reach the castle, Princess” The knight says.

Normally Kara would say something sarcastic in return. But something about the knight’s voice keeps her silent. It was a little bit raspy like the sound of your voice one gets right after she wakes up. Or the one you get when you feel a little feverish. There was something about her voice that feels familiar. Calming. And Safe.

They took the secret tunnel’s way and Kara was surprised how fast the knight was able to put into memory the passage that fast. The knight slowly puts her down on her bed and turns away, heading towards the corner of the room.

“You’re my knight!” Kara spats out, regretting how it sounded out of her mouth. “I mean not _my knight._ I mean the Daxamite knight assigned to me. And youre…” Kara examines her knight from head to toe once again, seeing the knight’s amazing figure and wow, the boobs. Fully covered but they’re there.

“Youre a girl!” Kara says, with a hint of questioning tone in her voice.

The knight stops walking and turns back to look at Kara. “And is there a problem with that, princess?”

Kara couldn’t see it under the knight’s helmet but she was so sure the knight was smirking behind it. And there was something about how she says princess too. Something different.

The Daxamite knight takes a few steps closer to Kara. “Hey. Youre bleeding.” She says, with a tone of concern, pointing at Kara’s lips.

“No biggie. Used to it. I get into fights a lot.” Kara scoffs, laughing. “Hey, you are too” She adds as she sees the dripping red liquid from the head gear.

The knight touches her own helmet and feels the blood on her palm. She slowly removes her helmet, revealing her face to Kara. She examines her with her palm but there were no open wounds.

“I don’t think so.” The knight says, slowly looking up at Kara. “Not my blood, princess.”

Kara was left speechless for a moment. It was like seeing a ghost. She never thought she would see this face again. not after 8 years. She had always imagined seeing it again, seeing her again. but now... now she doesn't know what to think, to feel. to do. She covers her hands under the blankets as they start trembling. Her heart starts to beat abnormally fast. How can this happen? She looks so much like her. She looks exactly like her. But she can’t be. She’s dead. She’s gone. They don’t even have the same voice. The knight doesn’t have her accent. But she is a living replica. Oh thoese dazzling emerald eyes… but How?!

 

“Mo.. _Morgana_?” Kara whispers with a crack in her voice as tears slowly fill her eyes.

The knight raises her eyebrows, clearly confused.

“You… You are…” Kara replies, her voice still shaking.

“Oh” The knight smiles, understanding what the Princess means. The knight slowly bows, showing respect as she introduces herself.

**_“Lena. Lena Luthor”_ **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was done writing the chapter already and I didnt know if I put it here somewhere but Daxam is a distant kingdom. A little bit far from the Kingdom of Camelot and Krypton
> 
> anyways, how's the story so far you guys? Yay? Nay? or somewhere in between?


	3. She was the Girl in her dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lena's POV. + Flashback. (not much of a dialogue.)

 

“Hey, you’re bleeding” Lena says, taking a step closer to Kara as she points at her wounded lips. She stops remembering that she should not be this concern about Kara, that she should keep her distance from the blonde. _For now._  

“No Biggie. Used to it. I get into fights a lot.” Kara scoffs and no matter how much Kara denies it and hides behind her sarcasm, she can sense the bitterness in her voice, the pain that Kara had gone through over the years.

When Kara says she was bleeding too, she takes off her helmet and examines her face. She didn’t mean to take off her helmet. Not yet, anyways. But she had and she was unprepared for it. Lena didn’t even know she had subconsciously taken it off until she heard Kara’s broken voice.

“Morgana?” Lena hears Kara whisper. She looks up at those piercing blue eyes now filled with tears that are trying to fall.

Lena was taken aback by this. She knew this was coming but she did not expect to feel a whirlwind of emotions rush through her. She pulls off the best _I have no idea what you’re talking about_ look. She could see how Kara is trying to process everything, to process seeing your dead lover right in front of you after almost 9 years. Kara could barely speak but the blonde still tries to say the words.

“You..” Kara says, trying to hide the distraught in her voice. “You are…”

 _Morgana._ That’s what Lena wants to say. She wants to say that she’s here. Lena wants to say that she still loves her. She wants to apologize. She wants to thank Kara. She just so badly wants to pull Kara in her arms and hold her, to kiss the only person she has ever loved. She wants to say a lot of things and do a lot more but she doesn’t. She does not.

“Lena. Lena Luthor” She bows to the princess, introducing herself.

Rao, who knows what damage she had already caused by just being here. She shouldn’t be here at the first place. If only she was strong enough to not see her, to not know her all over again. If only Lena could stay away from Kara. But no, Lena was weak. She just had to. Lena had to come back for Kara. But she almost didn’t.

 

“Oh” Kara says, blinking. Lena could see the effort Kara is trying to exert to compose herself, to control her emotions. “Get out, knight.” Kara wasn’t shouting or raising her voice even. It was a simple demand, her voice filled with authority, one that no person would dare to disobey.

 So Lena did. It was just a few seconds ago that Lena could see the emotions dwelling in Kara’s eyes and then all of a sudden she looks… _empty._ Like she has no feelings at all. The sadness in her eyes was suddenly turned into a cold icy look.

 

* * *

 

Lena clenches her fist, her heart filled with rage, sadness, regret. How can Kara be so good at this? How can _her Kara_ be this woman behind the door? Is Kara that damaged?

As she guards the door, Lena’s mind wanders to the flashes of Kara she used to have. One day, Lena woke up at someone else’s home. She woke up with a damaged throat and broken ribs. She woke up seeing strangers right in front of her and she had no idea who she was. She had no memory of anything at all. The healers said she could remember but it was also possible she could never anymore. It was the Luthors who took her in and named her. Lady Lillian and Lord Lionel adopted her. Their son, Lex Luthor, was the King’s General. It was Lex who trained Lena as a knight. All the other king’s men told her she couldn’t do it but she did. Not only she was better than those men but she was the best. She became a knight you could trust a royal’s blood with. Lena became a knight everyone feared and respected. She was the best of the best. 

 

For a while, it was okay. It bothered her not to remember her life before the Luthors found her, almost dead near a river, but she was okay with her life. Until she wasn’t anymore. She’d get these headaches and flashes in her mind. Memories, perhaps? There was this nagging voice in her head telling her something but couldn’t figure out what it was. Whatever Lena does, she had always felt that there was something missing. Many people had shown interest in her but she never formed any attachment. Something wasn’t right.

 

Then when the Prince of Daxam, being the boy that he is, tried to kiss her, she pushed him away. Lena was literally grossed out by the Prince’s lips on her that she puked. She literally puked. That’s when Lena figured out she was into girls. So she tried dating girls. She was the captain of the guards after all. She could get any girl she wants. She had come close to kissing a lot of girls. Really a lot of them yet she wasn’t able to. Not once. Don’t get her wrong, she really was attracted to those girls but it’s just that _every single time_ Lena tries to kiss them, she would get this flashes that goes with her headaches. So she stops. Anyways, it’s not like she was really _emotionally_ attracted to them.

 

At first, she thought it was just a figment of her imagination. The flashes were always so blurry. Slowly, piece by piece, it became clearer. She bumped into this blonde servant once and as she was helping her, the girl’s hair in her memories became clearer. She was drinking water from this blue lake once and the eyes of the girl became clearer. She passed by these kids who were laughing and playing and then suddenly she could see the girl’s lips, the girl’s laugh and smile clearer. Piece by piece, everything became clearer until one day, there was a face in her memory. and Lena was amazed how stunning this girl looks in her flashes of memories. She could see the blonde girl in this beautiful place. The girl’s lips were moving as if she was saying something to Lena. She could never figure it out but she feels like she knows this girl. She feels like she should know this girl. But she’s not really sure how.

 

Until one day when Lex was training her in the mountains, she had an accident, hitting her head. She wakes up and she just wants to break down and cry because she remembers. Not everything right away but she remembers _her._ The girl in her dreams, it was Kara, her princess. She cries and cries because she may not remember everything since then but she remembers it has been more than 8 years. And she doesn’t really know what’s worst. Her forgetting Kara, living an unsatisfied life or her remembering, really knowing what she had missed and lost?

 

As weeks pass, she remembers more and more until finally she remembers everything. Lena remembers how happy she was leaving Krypton, knowing their kingdoms would still remain allies. Lena remembers how shock his father was when an army was attacking them. She remembers how his father was shouting the words, _kryptonians_ and _traitors_. She remembers how the Daxamites were just passing by but decided to help instead. Lena remembers seeing the dead bodies and blood everywhere. She remembers how her mom died trying to protect her, how they both fell down the river, thinking they were about die. She remembers how her last thought before closing her eyes were _Rao, Please take Care of my Kara_.

 

But that’s not all. Lena remembers losing her accent as she adapted to the way Daxamites speak. She remembers how no one really recognized her in Daxam since it was an unpopular kingdom far away from the bigger and wealthy Kingdoms such as Camelot and Krypton. She also remembers how the King and Prince of Camelot came to Daxam after a few months to personally thank the King and Queen for their help. She remembers how broken the Camelot’s King and Prince were and how shock they were at seeing Lena at the castle. She remembers how Prince Arthur made Lex his bestfriend so that he could always come back to see her. She remembers how her brother and dad visit the Kingdom of Daxam but never said a word about her past life. She remembers how sweet they were to her but she also remembers that they never took her back. Lena Luthor remembers everything. And it hurts like hell.

 

So she decides to pretend too. Lena was a Pendragon but most of all, she is a Luthor too. And Luthors show no weakness. No one really knows she has her memories back. For weeks, she had thought about it. She had thought about going straight to Kara. But she asked herself, _what for?_ It has been more than 8 years. Kara probably moved on by now. Kara was probably happily married to someone new. So really, what for? She would just cause Kara unnecessary drama.

But Lena had to see her. She had to after 8 long years of longing for someone she couldn’t possibly know how to find. Now she knows and she had to see her. To know how she’s been. Even from just afar. She missed Kara so badly she feels like it’s breaking every bones of her body.

 

She wasn’t sure what to do until few days after when King Uther of Camelot was in Daxam, she overheard her biological father’s knights talking about Krypton.

“I don’t know when exactly it will happen but it really sounds like a good plan” The knight says.

The other knight beside him laughs, nodding as he agrees to him. “Yeah. I bet with that Zor-El princess dead, everything will fall into place. We’ll finally have Justice.”

And the next thing Lena knows is that she’s observing Kara from afar these past few days. And that she’s here, right outside Kara’s door, trying to protect her no matter what it costs. Being here, She expected to feel pain, sorrow, sadness, even jealousy. She thought she would see that smile Kara had in Lena’s dreams. She thought she would hear that laugh that always made Lena’s knees go weak. She thought she’d see that Kara in her dreams having the life they had always dreamed of having together with another person. What she did not expect, however, was _this. This Kara_. And it breaks her heart seeing her like this.

Lena came here to protect Kara. And she was going to. She was going to protect her from Camelot, from Daxam, from Lena’s own people. But most of all, Lena was going to protect her from Kara’s own self.

 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk why but I really get excited writing this story. Hav the whole plot in my mind already
> 
> 14 days till SG 2x18...


	4. Maybe. Just Maybe...

_*** flash back ***_

It was only a few hours after Morgana and Kara spent their time together in their own _secret paradise_. Kara was in the stables, stroking her horse, when suddenly she got this feeling. This bad feeling that she can’t seem to shake off. That’s when she heard the sound of horses coming their way towards the castle. From where she was, she saw the knights with blood all over them, whispering and passing messages to the guards. The happiness she had felt a few hours ago vanished. The smile on her face faltered.

She doesn’t know why but she dragged her feet back to the castle. She ran and ran feeling anxious and heartbroken all of a sudden. She doesn’t know how but somehow she knows. She badly wants to believe she’s wrong but a nagging voice tells her it’s true.

Kara ran as fast as she could towards the throne room where her parents were. She ran and ran as tears threaten to fall from her eyes. She slams open the door, making everyone in the room pause and turn to her direction. It was clear the she had interrupted a serious matter considering the frown and worried looks on her parents.

King Zor-El slowly stands as Queen Alura squeezes her husband’s hand. Alura shakes her head, tears slowly escaping her eyes.

“Sweetie…” Zor-el says as gentle as possible.

Kara knew. She knew. But the looks on her parents’ faces were the confirmation she dreaded.

“No! No” Kara pleads, shaking her head as tears flow from her eyes. Kara breaks down on the floor, feeling like her world is crumbling right in front of her, piece by piece. And what’s worst is she couldn’t do anything about it. “No!! NO!! No!! This can’t be!! This can’t happen!!” She says, laying on the floor, looking like a wreck.

The King and Queen runs to her. “I’m sorry, Kara” Alura says, holding her daughter in her arms.

“No!! Noo!! Youre mistaken!! Youre wrong!!” Kara sobs, pushing her mom away. Alura strengthens her hold on Kara, feeling the urge to protect her daughter from this heart break.

“There’s nothing we can do anymore, sweetie.”

 _Sweetie._ That’s what her parents always call her when they are sorry. When there is nothing they could do to make Kara feel better. When all there’s left is to apologize. When the damage has already been done. And she knows her mom and dad had been calling her sweetie since she entered the room. And this makes it more real for Kara.

“NO! She promised!! She promised we’ll find a way mom!! Mom!!” Kara whimpers, tapping her chest because it hurts. It hurts like hell and she doesn’t know if it’s ever going to be better. “I love her mom. No! Morgana can’t be gone!! I love her!!”

“Sssshh, sweetie.” Alura says, trying to stop her tears from falling because she has to be strong for Kara. She has to be her mom right now. “Everything’s gonna be alright, my princess.”

“No mom! It won’t! She’s gone and it hurts! It hurts like hell!!” Kara cries even more. She cries and keeps hitting her chest where it hurts. Right there, on her heart. “I.. I can’t. This can’t be happening!! Mom!! It hurts so so much, mom!! Please, I want it gone. The pain. Take it away!! Please! Mom, I cant… It’s too much!!” Kara breaks down in her mother’s arms and no amount of wealth or power the Zor-El’s have could take away the pain that their daughter is experiencing.

_*** end of flash back dream ***_

 

* * *

 

 

Lena could hear the screams and the sobs from the other side of the door. Was that Kara? Her instinct to protect Kara suddenly surfaces and she immediately turns her back planning to burst right in the door if only no one stopped her.

“Don’t” The other knight along the hall says, staring at Lena curiously. Lena couldn’t be sure but she thinks his name’s James. She was introduced to the other people that are here in the castle regularly. “That’s normal”

“Excuse me?” Lena says, shocked with the Knight’s words. Lena points at the door, not believing it. “That… is… normal?”

James nods and Lena calms down a little bit when she sees actual concern in James’ face. Lena could see James did not like this a bit.

Kara was still screaming and sobbing and Lena doesn’t know how much more she could take.

“Every Night.” James whispers, looking at the door to Kara’s room.

Lena understood what James meant, why _normal_ was the word he associated with Kara’s screams and sobs. Because Lena understands that every night, it’s always like this with Kara. Lena gulps her sobs away. She couldn’t be seen like this. Kara was supposed to be happy. Not like this. And it breaks Lena’s heart even more that somehow she had caused this. It breaks her heart even more that even as she is here right now, she couldn’t do anything to take Kara’s pain and sorrow all those years that went by. Lena finds herself asking _how._ How could fate be that cruel?

 

****

 

Kara wakes up from that nightmare, the same nightmares she’s been having every night since that day. It doesn’t matter what memory would play in her mind in her sleep. The bottom line would always be that Morgana is dead and Kara could never see her again.

But she did. Or atleast someone who looks like her. Kara almost thought she was just dreaming about it, that she had only imagined the knight looking like Morgana. But the door quietly opens as _she_ enters. Lena, was that her name? Yeah. Lena enters the room, not uttering a word as she puts a glass and a pitcher of water on Kara’s bedside table and leaves.

Oh Rao, It wasn’t a dream. Kara couldn’t wait for tomorrow. She has to talk to Alex right at this moment. Who even cares if it’s in an ungodly hour of the night? She’s going to wake Alex up and get this knight out of her way.

She walks out the door, rushing to Alex’s room. She was so used to the knights just staying still along the halls, guarding the palace and seeming like statues at the side that she didn’t notice right away that one was following her. Kara was already outside Alex’s room when she saw _her_ knight.

“Really!?!” She frowns and gives him an annoyed look. “You. Stay Here.”

Lena obliges and looks away, trying to hide the smile that was about to appear on her face because Rao. Oh Rao, Kara is always so cute and adorable when she’s annoyed or mad. And that crinkle between her eyebrows, oh how Lena has missed it.

 

“Alex! We have to talk! Did you know about her? Why didn’t you tell me?” Kara bursts into the room, getting all her words out, not even bothering to see if Alex is there or not. “Did you just assume-“

Kara’s words were cut off by the sight she is witnessing right in front of her.

“Kara!!” Alex shouts, covering her naked body and her companion’s with the blanket.

“OH RAO!!! MY EYES!!” Kara shouts as she winces. She was never going to unsee that. “ALEX! MAGGIE!”

“what are you doing here?!” Alex asks, frustrated with her sister. “Wait. You know her?”

“You know me?” Maggie asks, confused because the only royal she had encountered in the castle was Alex.

“I know you?” Kara repeats their question as she tries to find an out. Maggie is her friend as Kiera and she, Kara the princess, shouldn’t know Maggie. “What? No! Huh? No, of course not. Psh. No, no. I don’t know her!”

“but you just said-“ Alex starts to say but was interrupted by someone who suddenly burst into the room.

“Are you okay?” Lena asks Kara, concerned because she heard shouting and she was so scared Kara was in danger. She examines the room and her eyes drop on the bed where Alex and Maggie are naked under the sheets.

“Oh.” Lena says, realizing why there was shouting. “I apologize. I thought..”

“Well you thought wrong!” Kara scoffs, trying to be mean at Lena. Kara couldn’t afford to be nice to someone especially not someone who looks like her dead girl friend. It’s just too much, something her mental and emotional state couldn’t take. “GET OUT, KNIGHT”

“You too!” Kara adds, pointing at Maggie.

“Kara!” Alex warns, hearing the harsh tone of her sister.

Maggie hurries out. She wasn’t really shocked by Kara. She had always heard about how the princess didn’t care about anything or anyone. Although she had also heard that once upon a time, Kara did deeply.

“Bye Danvers.”

“Sawyer”

 

On the other hand, Lena was taken aback by this. She could never be used to Kara raising her voice like this. Kara, her Kara, was always so gentle and kind. Lena steps out the room and breathes deeply, trying to regain her composure.

 

When they were finally alone in the room, she gives Alex time to go to the bathroom and dress herself.

 

“Really Alex?” Kara raises her eyebrow, crossing her arms on her chest. “Fornicating with the servant?  And oh not to mention you let her call you by your last name.”

“What? Fo…” Alex chuckles, almost bursting out of laughter right there and then. “ _Fornicating_? What are you, a child? Who even uses that term? And let it be. Family name calling is our thing.”

“Whatever” Kara rolls her eyes.

“Tell me there is a reason why you interrupted a very… mind blowing se-“

“Oh rao, stop” Kara covers Alex’s mouth, stopping her. “Too much information, sis”

 

“Did you know that knight was a girl? Did you know she looks like Morgana? Alex, I can’t believe you put her with me.” Kara whispers as she sits beside Alex on the bed.

“What?” Alex’s eyes widens. “Well, now I know she’s a girl and I think that’s amazing. She’s the captain of the guards in Daxam and she’s a girl! Wow. But WOAH. I did not know she looks like Lena.”

Alex looks genuinely surprised. Kara couldn’t really blame her for not recognizing. It’s been a long time. Morgana, whenever she’s in Krypton, always stayed with Kara in the castle. Alex was with Lady and Lord Danvers in their land and not in the castle. And people in the castle didn’t really put Morgana’s face in their memories. She wasn’t a Kryptonian. Kara is the only one who put every inch of Morgana’s being in her mind… in her heart.

“Well she does!” Kara replies, still whispering.

“Im sorry, Kara. I’ll talk to mom and dad.” Alex whispers, imitating Kara. “and remind me again why we’re whispering?”

“well she might hear us. I swear she has a habit of creeping up on people” Kara says, rolling her eyes  as she remembers. She reminds herself that Lena isn’t\ Morgana. For some reason, Lena annoys Kara and makes the blonde’s blood boil. She _really isn’t_ Morgana.  “Anyways, no. Don’t do that. I really don’t want to upset Jeremiah and Eliza more than I already do. I’ll handle it.”

“What are you going to do?” Alex asks, knowing for sure Kara is up to no good.

“Oh, I’m gonna make her wish she never left Daxam at the first place. If I can’t fire him, I’ll make him want to leave.” Kara says, smirking as she thinks of some ideas. “Those before her couldn’t last a week with me for a reason”

Alex laughs at this because really. Her sister really thinks she’s an evil mastermind when she really is just a puppy. Alex frowns at the thought because yes, Kara may be a puppy but she is somehow somewhat a _damaged_ one.

Alex shakes her head, not agreeing with Kara. “ I think she was Daxam’s captain of the guards for a reason too.” Alex says, reminding Kara that this was a one of a kind knight they’re talking about.

She observes Kara and something in her heart feels warm. Because, Kara may think she is forming an evil plan in her head but in reality, this is the first time Alex had actually seen Kara care about something. It’s the first time in a long time that Kara woke up and had a purpose, the first time Kara had direction, no matter how crooked it is. It was still something and something... Anything... is better than nothing. It’s the first time Kara was hyped about doing something. The blonde may be oblivious to it but Alex sees it clearly. Crystal clear. Alex smiles because maybe… Just maybe…

_Maybe Lena is Kara’s knight and shining armor after all._

 

 

 

 


	5. Always were a stubborn student

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda focused more on Lena and Kara this chapter fam but Ill get on the plot i promise. Hope u enjoy!

What Kara had initially thought would be an easy thing to do turned out to be more difficult than she could possibly ever imagine. Kara tried everything. It annoys her how no one lasted more than a week with her except Lena Luthor. It has been more than a week yet she’s still here. Kara doesn’t know why but she really gets under her skin.

“Heyy!!” Kara shouts, calling for Lena, refusing to speak her name.

Lena enters the room and Kara’s heart still skipped a beat every time. It always takes a lot of effort for Kara to look away from that face and to stop herself from thinking of the only person she’d rather be right now.

“What is it you want this time?” Lena asks with a hint of annoyance in her voice. “Princess.”

“Are you complaining?” Kara smirks, raising an eyebrow. Maybe it’s taking longer than expected but she actually might make Lena want out. “because if you are, I can tell the King you want to go back to Daxam.”

“You wish” Lena scoffs as she follows Kara wherever the blonde is going.

Kara rolls her eyes. It has been like this between the two of them, bantering every single day. She understands now what Alex meant when she said Jeremiah thought it was a good idea to assign someone not from this kingdom. Lena was unlike any other people assigned to her. Whether it’s a tutor, or a knight, or a servant, they always feared Kara. When Kara was being mean to them, they just took it all in. But Lena, she is different. Kara knows Lena isn’t scared of her. Yes, she follows Kara’s orders but she has also a mind of her own. She even talks back to Kara. And all these are frustrating Kara even more and more.

“Go and help while I have a ride with my horse.” Kara says as they arrive at the back of the castle where a new stable is being constructed.

They are few men working there. Lena didn’t need to help. It’s not her job to but Kara just really wants to get rid of Lena. She wants Lena to want it. Lena knows what Kara is trying to do. Technically, her orders come from the King and Queen, not Kara. But she does it anyways. Kara has been purposely making her suffer, making her life a living hell.

_Go here. Get this. Clean that. Return it. No, I don’t want it anymore._

And now she’s making Lena work hard in construction, tiring herself. Kara thinks that’s enough to drive Lena away. As if. Lena isn’t going away. Not anymore. Not this time. Not when she’s finally able to see Kara with her own eyes and not just in her dreams or the flashes she gets.

Kara was putting back Krypto, her horse, in the stables and to her surprise, Lena was still there. From a distance, she sees Lena all covered with dirt with the shovel, working. She sees Lena talking and laughing with the other workers. It was a beautiful sight to behold. Even with sweat and dirt on her face, even with messy hair, looking at Lena laughing makes Kara smile. Kara smiles because despite what she keeps on putting Lena through, Lena still manages to laugh. And Rao, why is she so beautiful?

“Stop it, Kara.” Kara whispers to herself as her smile falters. “She’s not her.”

That’s when Lena caught her staring. Her knight stares back at her, locking their gazes. There’s something about Lena’s eyes that always make Kara get lost in the moment just like the way Morgana’s eyes used to.

Kara blinks. She turns and heads back towards the castle, shaking her head.

 “She’s not Morgana.” Kara sighs, feeling the lost once more.

 

* * *

 

Lena was tired and her body was aching but she still got up early. King Jeremiah had asked Lena to teach Kara some basic sword fighting. Like what Lena had heard, the news about the threat in Kara’s life had come to the King and Queen’s attention. They needed Kara to be able to protect herself when worst comes to worst and Lena was not gonna argue with that. She needed Kara to protect herself too if ever, Rao forbids, she isn’t able to.

She heads to Kara’s room, feeling all giddy and excited. She was so sure she was making progress with Kara. She’s sure she didn’t imagine Kara smiling at the stables yesterday when she thought Lena wasn’t looking. She can’t be. For the past few weeks Lena has been here, she could not even remember Kara smiling. And when she saw it for the first time yesterday, it gave her hope. It gave her hope that somehow everything will turn out okay.

“Princess! Kara! Kara!” Lena shouts as she shakes Kara, trying to wake her up. She smiles at the thought remembering how Kara was never a morning person. “Wake up, Princess! Time for training!”

Kara groans as she tries to open her eyes. “W-what?”

“Get up Princess! We are doing some training today!”

It took thirty minutes to finally wake Kara up and on their way to the training hall, all Lena could hear was Kara complaining here and there.

“Okay. Stop complaining because we are doing this one way or another. Here” Lena says as she gives Kara a sword. “Let’s see what you got.”

“Fine.” Kara rolls her eyes, trying to hide the excitement she’s actually feeling. She masks it but learning how to fight is something she actually wants. Her friends as Kiera had already taught her fighting with no weapons and she can say she is really good at it. But when it comes to swords and stuff, she honestly has no idea. “Don’t you want to wear your armor or some protective gear or something?”

“Oh trust me, you wouldn’t even scratch me Princess.” Lena chuckles, shaking her head.

“Oh Rao.” Kara rolls her eyes, groaning. “Boast much?”

Lena just smirks, shrugging her shoulders as she motions for Kara to come at her. Kara tries to hit her with the sword but Lena stops it using hers.

“Again.” Lena commands.

That’s when Kara notices the shift in Lena, from being her knight to a teacher. She could tell Lena was really a warrior, someone who is respected and feared. She could see Lena as a leader, someone who’ll be in the front line of a war, leading her army. Now, she could see why she was the captain of the guards back in Daxam. And she could see Lena be a general in no time which makes her wonder why is she here. Why are the Daxamites wasting her potential letting Lena stay here with her.

Kara’s and Lena’s swords clash. Kara tries and tries but every time, Lena manages to unarm Kara, always losing the grip to her sword. This was harder to learn than Kara had imagined.

“You’re holding back, Princess.” Lena says as she unarms Kara once more. “Again.”

“Can we call it a day. I’m really tired. You haven’t even taught me anything.” Kara groans as her arms start to hurt.

“I’m testing your limits, princess. So we can know where you need to improve.” Lena says. If this is just nothing for Kara, this was everything for Lena. She _needs_ Kara to be able to protect herself. She _needs_ Kara safe.  “Now. Try again.”

“No.” Kara spats, throwing away her sword. She is tired and she is going to learn about this but not today. Seeing Lena like this with her makes her head ache. It’s bringing up so many memories she’s trying to repress. “I’m done.”

“always were a stubborn student” Lena whispers to herself as she sees Kara walking out, remembering the time she had taught Kara how to swim.

 

 

_“Come on, darling. Just trust me, okay?”Morgana says, trying to convince Kara to let her go. They were both in the water and Kara was clinging to her so tight. She can feel Kara shaking out of fear as she tries to teach her the basics of swimming._

_“I trust you! I don’t trust the water!” Kara exclaims, her voice shaking. “I can’t do this, Morgana! I’m gonna die! Oh Rao! I’m gonna die!! I’ll drown and I’ll die!! I’ll die!”_

_“Oh sweetie!” Morgana laughs at her girlfriend’s rambling.  She is always amazed how Kara can be so cute and adorable all the time. “Stop being dramatic. You’re not gonna die. Okay?” She adds, positioning Kara to a lying position so that she could float._

_“Morgana, Please Don’t let go.” Kara pleads, feeling Morgana’s hand at her back as she floats._

_“I won’t. Yet. But I have to let you do it on your own if you want to learn, darling.”_

_Kara closes her eyes, feeling so scared but utterly safe at the same time. Morgana has that effect on her. “But… But what if I fall, Morgana? What if you let me go and I fall?” Kara asks, her voice still shaking._

_“Then I’ll catch you, Kara”_

_“Really?” Kara asks once more, still closing her eyes._

_“REALLY.” Morgana assures her._

“What did you say?” Kara pauses, turning to face Lena. She wasn’t supposed to hear it but she did. And Kara is confused what Lena had meant by it. “what do you mean by _always were a stubborn student_ ?”

Lena looks up not expecting Kara to still be there. Had she said it out loud? Oh Rao.

“Well, I’ve heard all about you, Princess.” Lena slowly walks up to her, pausing right in front of Kara. “People in here talk.”

“you probably know what they say about you.” Lena adds as she walks pass Kara, leaving her alone in the room. It hurts Lena to see the look on Kara’s face. Of course Kara would think Lena would see her as the spoiled, mean and bratty princess Kara portrayed herself to be. But it was the only way to avoid suspicion from Kara, to avoid Kara asking more questions about what she had meant by her comment.

 

As Kara watched Lena walk away, all she could hear in her mind is her words.

 _Always were a stubborn student_  

 _Always were a stubborn student_  

 _Always were a stubborn student_  

And that immediately triggers something inside Kara. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath as memories of the past haunts her mind.

 

 

_“Morgana, don’t let go yet.”_

_Morgana just laughs, looking at her girl friend closing her eyes._

_“It’s not funny, Morgana! I’m serious!”_

_“Kara-“_

_“No! I’m not ready yet!” Kara says, cutting off Morgana._

_“Hone-“Morgana tries to say but is interrupted once more_

_“This is a matter of life and death Morgana! Stop laughing. I can hear you laugh!”_

_“Kara, honey. Just open your eyes” Morgana smiles. Oh what a cute rambling mess Kara can be._

_“No. Don’t let go yet. Please.”_

_“Kara, darling. Open your eyes.”_

_And Kara did. Slowly. To her surprise, Morgana wasn’t beside her anymore and she was floating all by herself. This makes Kara panic and her body immediately goes down under the water. She moves her body desperately, trying to swim up but she still doesn’t know how. She panics even more thinking she’s gonna die. She gonna drown and she’s gonna die._

_But suddenly she feels something holding her hand, squeezing them. The moment she sees Morgana, she stops moving. She stops panicking. There were still under the water and normally it would still scare her. But seeing Morgana smile at her like that, Kara knows she’d be safe. Morgana’s smile widens as she pulls Kara for a kiss. Morgana kissing her passionately under the water made Kara’s heart warm and for a moment there, she felt like she could swim oceans. She could swim a thousand seas for this woman. Even if she doesn’t know how, Kara thinks she could. She would. If it’s for Morgana, She’d do it with no doubt. She was so lost in the moment, in their kiss that she failed to notice that they were already in the surface. Morgana pulls back, letting both of them breathe._

_Morgana tucks behind Kara’s earlobes some of the hair that were covering her face. Kara sees Morgana smile at her, those green eyes speaking the words no mouth could utter._

_“I told you I’d catch you. Always.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do tell me if it's getting too cheesy or dull. :)


	6. Not after Morgana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit angsty?

 

Lena thought she was actually making progress with Kara. But she was wrong. Kara has been attending their daily morning trainings and she was still stubborn as always. When Lena thinks Kara would soften a little bit, there’s something Kara would do to prove Lena wrong. It’s like Lena never knows what she would get from Kara. Sometimes Kara would be rude, sarcastic and arrogant as usual but then there would be times that Lena would see a glimpse of her Kara Zor-El. Rao, Kara definitely has mood swings every single day. If Lena didn’t know Kara before, she would definitely assume the blond has bipolar disorder. Lena initially thought the more she spends time with Kara, the more she would understand this version of her better, the more that she could pull Kara and help get her life together. Yet every single day, Kara gets more and more confusing in Lena’s eyes. She gets harder to predict. Kara, _this Kara_ , is literally like a walking paradox.

There were days Lena would catch Kara smile as the blonde sees little girls playing in the castle’s garden. It reminds her of those days she, as her Morgana self, and Kara used to play when they were little kids. Prince Arthur was so pissed back then trying to find Morgana. They were always so sneaky, hiding from the world, trapped in their own bubble of happiness. Seeing Kara like that with those little kids in the garden and how the blonde interacts with them, Lena would always smile, thinking that’s the Kara she knows.

But there were also days where they’d pass by servants needing help and Kara would ignore them and do nothing like they didn’t even exist. There were times she’d see Kara talk to James and overhear her being rude to him. There were times she’d beckon people with a cold voice, putting out harsh comments, not caring what others might feel. Lena saw why the people in the palace would go the other way when they see Kara. This wasn’t the Kara she knows. This Kara was rude and insensitive. This Kara was not _her_ Kara. This Kara only thinks about herself.

When the blonde princess was out riding her horse, Krypto, Lena had asked James once about this version of Kara as she saw him staring at Kara a little too long.

“I know that look.” Lena says, turning to stare at Kara as well. Lena really knows that looks. It’s how Morgana used to look at Kara. It was the look of love. “I don’t get it. She’s rude to you. How can you be in love with her?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” James denies, making sure his poker face was still on.

Lena rolls her eyes and lets out an exasperated breath, letting James know she doesn’t believe one word he just said.

“Fine. Okay, I am.” James admits being in love with Kara. “She’s not always like that though. There used to be a time everyone and I mean literally everyone loved Kara. Don’t be deceived by that masquerade though. There’s more to Kara than what meets the eyes. What you see isn’t everything.”

Lena ponders what James just said. She hopes it’s true. She won’t give up though. Lena knows. Lena believes that somewhere in that cold exterior of Kara, _her_ Kara is there somewhere. She believes that she’s still there. Protecting Kara’s life may be Lena’s priority but she was also gonna do everything in her power to bring that Kara back.

“Does she know?”

“No. And even if she did, it won’t matter.”

“Why? Is she in a relationship with someone else? Perhaps from another land?” Lena asks, genuinely curious about Kara’s love life. She had always wondered about the people who had swept off Kara’s feet, those who came after her.

“Kara?” James laughs. Actually laughs like the thought of Kara being in a relationship was an impossible idea. “No way. I mean she had fiancées who all didn’t go through the marriage. Every time she got engaged everyone knew it was only a matter of time before Kara’s fiancée would change his mind.”

“Oh.” Lena says, not really knowing what to feel about that.

“Anyways, it won’t matter because Kara would never date anyone. Yes, she may agree to marry someone but that's it. Everyone knows Kara would never love again. The bitter truth is, everyone thinks, and probably right, that She would never fall in love again. Not after-“

“Not after Morgana.” Lena whispers, cutting James off because she knows what he was about to say. She looks at Kara as the blonde enjoys her ride with Krypto. Has Kara felt the same thing Lena had been feeling over the past 9 years? Not forming any attachments, feeling like there’s something missing. Because if so, what happily in love and perfect life she thought Kara would have would turn out to be as lonely and empty as hers all along if that’s the case.

James nods and repeats the truth. “Not after Morgana.”

 

* * *

 

Lena is one hell of a knight, Kara would give her that. It was really hard to sneak out and lose her. She had tried many times and failed. It was difficult but it wasn’t impossible. And now Kara had finally able to sneak out of the castle unnoticed, wearing her disguise and enjoying herself as Kiera.

She doesn’t remember how but somehow she ended up in here in this illegal street fight. She doesn’t exactly care about the money she would win. She just wanted to let out her frustration and fight. Unfortunately though, she was losing. Despite learning how to fight in the streets for years, this man right in front of her was surprisingly huge.

She was lying on the ground ready for defeat. She can feel her body giving up. She’s bruised everywhere and totally exhausted. She can also feel the metallic taste of her blood. She _was_ ready to surrender and call it a night.

 “That’s what you get for being so arrogant, challenging me as you insulted me.” The man looks down at her and laughs. “Aww, Mommy and Daddy would be so disappointed!”

_Mommy and Daddy would be so disappointed!_

That line lingered in Kara’s head and just like that she forced herself to get up and fight. The man really thought Kara already gave up and frankly, Kara thought the same too. He wasn’t facing Kara so when Kara gave the fight another shot, he was caught by surprise.

The man despite being injured by Kara fights back. He was stronger than Kara so she used his own strength against him. He landed on his back and Kara kicked his private part so hard he cried out in pain. She then used all her strength to break his knees. Despite all the people cheering, Kara couldn’t hear anything. She just continued punching and punching, kicking and kicking, as a memory flash through her mind.

 

_*******_

_“We are so disappointed at you Kara! This phase of yours has to stop!” King Zor-El yells at her daughter._

_“you want me to stop?” Kara scoffs. “Let those innocent prisoners go. They didn’t do anything wrong! Send them back to Camelot, to their home. They have families! Do that and I’ll stop acting out!” Kara knows she was being a brat but she sees no other choice. Her parents were punishing people from Camelot found hiding in their Kingdom just because they aren’t Kryptonians. Kara needed to do something about it. These are Morgana’s people. They were Morgana’s people._

_“You are Kryptonian Kara! You’re not from Camelot!” Alura reminds her daughter._

_“They are innocent for Rao’s sake! They have families! How can you be so evil to sentence them to death! You’re a murder!”_

_And with that statement, Kara earns a hard slap on her face. Kara knew her mother didn’t know what she was talking about but her father did. She had overheard the King and his men about the plans of executing the prisoners. She would have understood her mother slapping her because she knows calling them murderers would hurt her mom. It would disrespect her. But Kara was filled with extreme rage to be in a rational state right now. She was shocked that her mom laid a hand on her, which non of her parents ever did before. She could see Zor-El was surprised too as he pulled Alura back, squeezing the queen’s hand, trying to calm her down. Kara sees her mother’s mortified face as Alura realizes what she had just done._

_“Kar-“ Alura tries to hold Kara to apologize but the blonde steps back and cuts her off._

_“I HATE YOU!” Kara yells at both of her parents with rage and coldness in her voice. “YOU ARE THE REASON WHY MORGANA IS DEAD!” Kara adds, blaming her parents for everything, before running off to the tunnels to escape this prison that she used to call her home._

_*******_

 

Kara comes out of her trance as a hand blocked her punch, and arm on her belly, pulling her back from the crowd. She was about to fight whosoever arm was it when she saw the man she was fighting covered with blood.

The one holding her back pushes her when they were finally outside the abandoned building where the street fights were conducted.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” It was Lena yelling at her. Of course, once again, Lena was able to track her down. “You almost beat that guy down to death!!!”

Lena looks at Kara and doesn’t know what to do or think anymore. When she saw the fight, she was so scared not for the guy, not because Kara might lose, but because Kara could have actually killed the guy. And Lena was sure if Kara crossed that line, there was no going back. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to help Kara deal with that kind of thing. She was terrified of what that idea might actually do to Kara.

Lena realizes Kara was just there standing, staring at her bruised knuckles. Her hands were shaking and she definitely is in a state of shock. Lena finally calms down and steps into Kara’s personal space, holding both of her hands.

Lena carries Kara to the carriage few steps from where they are currently standing. Silence filled their ride on the way back to the castle.

Before they enter the castle though, Lena pulls Kara aside, bringing her to the well at the back of the castle. She gets some water. She tears a piece of her clothing and wets it.

Lena stares at Kara as she cleans Kara’s face with the torn cloth. Kara was tragically beautiful, Lena thinks and it pains her to see the blonde like this. She wants to make everything better for Kara but she doesn’t know how. She asks herself if there even is still a chance to after what she had seen tonight. Is Kara too far gone to pull her back from the life her actions had made?

 Lena pours some water on Kara’s bloodied hands, cleaning them as tears fall from the knight’s eyes. Kara winces at the pain, bringing her back to reality, putting an end to her state of shock.

Kara blinks as she realizes Lena was holding her hand. Lena was extraordinarily close and holding her hands, something she had never let anyone do. A sudden defensive feeling rush through her veins and immediately pulls back, her eyes meeting Lena’s. She sees the tears in Lena’s eyes and mistakes it for _pity._ Something that Kara never wanted anyone to feel for her. Pity, for Kara, was degrading. It’s something she hated to see directed towards her.

“Get away from me!” Kara raises her voice, giving the raven haired beauty a warning look. “I don’t need your help! And most importantly, not your pity!”

“Princess, stop. That’s not-“

Kara cuts Lena off. “What? You see me like this, and you judge me. You think you’re above it all but guess what, you’re not! I wasn’t going to beat that guy to death! I was going to stop.”

“Pri-“ Lena wants to say she wasn’t judging Kara, that she just wanted to help but Kara doesn’t let her speak.

“It was just a game! Just punches. I just wanted to fight!” Kara was basically shouting by now.

“You want to fight?” Lena asks, her face turning from a concerned one into a serious one. Gawd, she’d set herself on fire for Kara but she was tired of how Kara is acting. Kara needs to grow up. What if she’s not here and Morgana had actually died? Is Kara going to be like this forever? The thought terrifies Lena. Just thinking about Kara not happy and like this makes her heart wrench.

“Then fight me! Punch me, whatever. “ Lena steps forward, taking her time to walk slowly towards Kara. She pokes Kara’s shoulder, making Kara wince at the pain. “Come on, let’s see what you got!” Lena challenges Kara, poking her more and more, making the blonde take a few steps back.

“What are you doing?” Kara asks, confused what her knight is trying to make her do.

“You wanted to fight, right?” This is what you want, isn’t it?” Lena says, pushing Kara to the ground. She sees Kara was surprised at first that Lena had actually pushed her. But Kara’s shock immediately turned into anger. “Come on. Practice what you preach, princess. Or are you all talk?”

Kara gets up from the ground and uses all her strength to attack Lena as she shouts her emotions. Lena uses her strength to push Kara aside not even moving from where she is, making the blonde princess fall to the ground once more.

“You’re too reckless. You don’t think at all. You rely in your emotions too much, in your anger too much.” Lena says.

Kara attacks Lena again, wanting badly to hit the knight. But every punch she throws at Lena, the knight blocks it. Lena kicks the back of Kara’s legs making her stumble to the ground.

“You may be excellent at hand to hand combat but you’ll end up dead when faced with someone who thinks before she acts even if she has no training. You throw punches and those punches are fueled with rage. And that can easily be used against you.”

“Shut up.” Kara says as she attacks Lena again only to end up at the ground. _Again._

“When you do that, you let your opponent see how damaged you are, how damaged you feel, how angry you had become that you care about nothing at all.”

Kara slowly gets up from the ground, feeling embarrassed that she had not even landed a punch at Lena. She feels so pissed at Lena too because she gets the feeling that the knight is psycho analyzing her and she hates it.

“Know what, I’m done” Kara raises her hands, surrendering. She was tired and despite Lena annoying her, she’s over this thing that Lena is trying to do. She turns her back, starting to walk away from Lena when she feels the knight’s hand on her shoulder stopping her.

“You fight, princess. But what’s the use when you actually have nothing to fight for?” Lena asks Kara, genuinely curious if Kara still has something to fight for. She has to have something to fight for. She needs to get _her_ Kara back and it frightens her that she couldn’t because there might be no fight in Kara anymore. “You have to fight for something that you love, princess. Or are you that…. _broken_ that you have given up on love completely?”

Lena was too preoccupied in thinking that Kara had finally caught her off guard, landing a punch at the knight’s jaw.

“I don’t’ know what you’ve heard around here but You know nothing about me. You may think you do, but you don’t!” Kara spats. “Not to burst your bubble but not everyone’s life is as perfect as yours, miss daddy’s perfect golden achiever.”

Kara starts to walk away but pauses once more as she remembers what Alex had told her before that Lena was known in Daxam to be not capable of forming any emotional attachments to anyone and had never even had a relationship.

“And what do you know about love?” Kara scoffs as she turns around to face Lena, taking slow steps towards her. “Have you been loved? Have you ever been in loved?”

“Don’t talk about something you know nothing about” Kara adds before leaving Lena alone at the back of the castle.

Lena takes a deep breath.

_No, my life is far from perfect._

_Oh but I do know you. I really  do._

_Yes, I’ve been loved. You did._

_Yes, I’ve been in loved. With you._

As she watches Kara walk away, Lena wants to stop her and say all those things. Lena wants to tell Kara how wrong she is for thinking she had a perfect life, that her life is anything but perfect. She wants to tell Kara that the life she is referring to, _the perfect life_ , was the life exactly fate has robbed from her. It was the life they were supposed to have. Lena badly wants to tell Kara how wrong she is, that she knows her. She knows Kara more than the blonde knows. She wants to tell Kara that this wasn’t her. She wants to tell Kara how bright the blonde is. She wants to make Kara remember how it felt like to be happy again. Lena badly wants to shout at Kara “Yes”. Yes, She definitely had been loved, that Kara had loved her more than anyone ever could.. Yes, she has been in loved, she wants to tell Kara. She’s been in love only once. Once and it’s with Kara. She’d been madly in love with Kara only. She wanted to tell Kara....

And if Lena could, she would.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ASDDFHFGLNAVA 4 MORE DAYS TILL THE NEW SG EP!!!
> 
> Anyways there was supposed to be a resolution at the end but I cut the chapter into two since it kinda seemed too long. So I guess the resolution will be in the next chapter which is done already since I wrote it with this chapter as one.


	7. I'm here now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really Hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Feel free to tell me what you think :)

Kara stares at her reflection on the mirror. She was dressed formally for the dinner, looking like an elegant princess she’s supposed to be. The dinner’s for the Daxamite nobles that arrived today. Frankly, she wonders what took them so long. Alex had told her when Lena had first arrived that the prince and the nobles were visiting Krypton and it has been more than a month since then. Almost 2 actually. Daxam’s prince wasn’t even with them. They said that he was held up in Daxam with an important matter and will try his best to get it over with and be here in Krypton as soon as possible. Who cares though, Kara thinks. The Prince could be stuck there forever and she wouldn’t care. Or maybe he’d finally arrive here and she wouldn’t care either.

Maybe Kara doesn’t really care about anything at all.

_You fight, princess. But what’s the use when you actually have nothing to fight for?_

Lena’s words echo in her mind. Kara rolls her eyes, thinking what does she (Lena) know? As if!

 _Lena,_ Kara thinks. It’s been days since their whole exchange at the palace and Lena hadn’t bothered her. When she comes to think of it, she actually hadn’t seen Lena the whole day. She knows the knight was avoiding her but could she be gone? Could she have gone back to Daxam? This thought sends an unusual but familiar feeling through Kara’s heart. Her heart starts to beat rapidly just thinking about it.

 _Stop it!_ She scolds herself. After all, this is what she wanted at the first place right? She wanted Lena gone and now that she may be, why does it make Kara worry. Why does the possibility of Lena gone bothers her so much?

She shakes her thought away as she enters the dining hall, sitting right beside Alex. Alex doesn’t even notice her. Her sister’s eyes were set on Kara’s or rather _Kiera’s_ friend, Maggie. Maggie was right in front of them, serving the food on the table and Alex looks like all she wanted to eat was Maggie. Maggie, being the servant that she is, doesn’t look directly at Alex especially since royalties are present but Kara could see the shy smile forming on Maggie’s lips. Kara stares at the two, looking from Alex to Maggie and she can’t help but smile as well.

“Oh rao. Really with the eye sex?” Kara leans over Alex, whispering as she teases her sister.  “Whipped!”

“Kara!” Alex elbows her sister but lets out a wide grin anyway. “Thank you.” Alex whispers, her tone turning into a serious one.

“For what?”

“You know” Alex jerks her head to Maggie’s direction across the table. “For not opposing. For totally being okay with it.”

Kara puts her arm around Alex’ shoulders, pulling her sister for a hug. “Anything for you, Alex.” Kara says because for her, Alex deserves the world. She deserves every happiness and if that’s Maggie, then so be it. Alex is the one thing that’s right in Kara’s life now. She’d give up anything for her sister. And she knows her sister would do the same because blood or not, they’re sisters and that’s a bond not one of them or any other person for that matter could ever break.

“Now let’s not get cheesy” Alex laughs, pushing Kara’s arms away.

Kara giggles because no matter how much Alex denies she’s clingy and affectionate, between the two of them, Alex is actually the one more like those things. She hides it but her sister is a sweet marshmallow.

Although, Kara’s laughter falters as she sees someone entering the hall at the corner of her eyes. Her mouth opens, wanting to say something but couldn’t, words failing Kara because _there she is_. Kara is sitting there, her lips parted, failing to find the right words as she sees the most beautiful woman enter the room, staring right at her. _She_ is mesmerizing. Stunning. It’s like the woman was crafted by the gods themselves. Those eyes. That jaw. Everything about her is tantalizing. She walks with such grace and authority. It was difficult not to get loss in her beauty. Kara tries to look away but like gravity, an unknown force makes her gaze locked at the woman. It was like everything froze and all there's left is Kara and the most beautiful woman she has ever seen, trapped in that very moment.

Kara blinks turning to face Alex as her sister interrupts her, elbowing the blonde.

“Hey Kar, are you okay? You seem lost.”

"I....uh, I... um” Kara tries to form her sentence but struggles.

“and apparently can’t form a sentence either” Alex laughs, raising an eyebrow, curious to what made her sister lose the ability to speak.

Kara shakes her head, letting out a sigh. “What is she doing here?” Kara says, jerking her head at Lena’s direction.

Alex looks at who Kara was referring to, only to find out it is Lena. She smiles to herself, thinking she was right the first time. If Lena had that effect on Kara, maybe Alex was right all along that Lena... She'd be the one to make Kara finally care for something. For someone.

********

Lena enters the dining hall and sees Kara smiling. She sees Kara laughing and damn, she is so beautiful. The sight of the blonde princess smiling and laughing is everything to Lena. It’s a sight for sore eyes and all Lena could wish is for it to last, for it to last longer, to last forever.

She hasn’t seen the blonde all day long and she misses her already. Her parents, Lady Lillian and Lord Luthor arrived today and she had spent the whole day with them. Her father of course hugged her and hung out with her. Lillian on the other hand spent the day lecturing her, finding flaws on her and convincing her to go back to Daxam.

Lena catches Kara staring at her and she stares back. She stares at those piercing blue eyes with so much intensity. She feels her heart beat rising rapidly. Kara always had that effect on her. They lock gazes for a little longer and something was different. Something is happening. It was like she and Kara are having this unspoken understanding. It was like they were communicating through their eyes, feeling strong emotions. And for a moment there, she believed. She believed that maybe, maybe after everything is over, after the war between kingdoms, after she had figured out who’s here trying to kill Kara, after she’s sure Kara’s safe, then maybe they’d have a chance. For a moment there, she’d let herself linger at the thought that Kara would still be in love with her, would love her again, and that after all these, they would have the chance that was robbed away from them. _Maybe... Maybe..._

She sits across her parents and luckily the seat was right beside Kara’s. She had been avoiding Kara the past few days, giving her all the space the Kryptonian needed. But tonight, she just couldn’t avoid her anymore. Not when she’s right beside her, making her heart beat abnormally fast.

“You look dazzling as always, Princess” She says smirking at Kara, raising an eyebrow, her eyes traveling Kara’s body. Lena was trying to flirt with Kara but knowing the blonde, she’s actually sure the blonde wouldn’t catch on that.

Kara jumps hearing Lena’s voice, startled. Her face syddenly flushing red. Lena laughs at this. She just finds it so adorably cute. _So Kara._

She hears Kara let out a deep breath as she rolls her eyes at Lena.

“Hey, Lena.” Alex waves, leaning forward to see Lena.

“Alex.” Lena smiles, acknowledging Alex’ presence.

******

People were talking about politics here and there all throughout dinner and Kara was bored to death. She was about to excuse herself to go the restroom with Alex, trying to find a way to escape this dinner she has no interest in when she overhears a conversation right beside her.

She turns away and pretends to talk to Alex so that no one would notice that she was actually listening to the conversation taking place at her right side.

“Mother, how many times do I have to tell you that I won’t? This is the path I choose. Couldn’t you just be proud?” Lena says, her voice filled with so much sadness.

 _Mother?_ Lady Lillian is Lena’s mom? Kara asks herself.

“Proud?” Lady Lillian scoffs. “Oh rao my dear. Do you think I would ever be proud of you? You could have married Prince Mon-El and be the queen. You could have bore an heir to the throne of Daxam. But what did you do? You stripped your title as a noble lady and became the captain of the guards. When we adopted you, we didn’t think you’d do this. Is that how you repay us for taking you, a stranger, to our home?”

 _Of course_ , Kara scolds herself. It all makes sense now. The reason why Lena’s here in the dining hall is because she herself is a noble. Not officially, but technically. And Rao, Kara feels so bad. She feels regret as she remembers their fight. Kara was so wrong and Lena just let her spat those words unto the knight. She didn’t even bother to correct Kara. She remembers how she accused Lena of being perfect, of having the perfect life when her mom right here is degrading her, insulting her even. Emotionally assaulting her because Kara sees Lena and despite that strong exterior of hers, she can feel the knight trembling inside. This made Kara angry all of a sudden. Since the moment she had met Lena, even though the knight makes her blood boil most of the time and gets under her skin for some reason she doesn't quite understand, Kara had always seen the woman as someone who is strong enough to battle anyone; even her demons. She had admired the woman whether she admits it or not. After all Lena is the best at what she does.  She had always thought the knight had no weakness. Despite their disagreements, she was in awe of the raven haired knight of hers.

The thought of someone making Lena doubt herself makes Kara feel like her veins are about to pop out of anger. Kara knows it’s irrational to feel that considering  the fight they both just had a few days ago but it doesn’t stop her anger towards Lillian. It was a bit hypocritical for the Lady Luthor to say that and look down on the knights especially that they are the ones keeping the nobles safe. And especially since Lady Lillian used to be servant girl Lillian. Oh Kara knows the Lady Luthor’s story. Before tonight, she had admired the Lady for not letting anyone step on her just because she used to be a servant. But before tonight, she didn’t know Lillian either, hasn’t seen her in person. And now that she has, she didn’t like the woman a bit.

“Lady Lillian” Kara interrupts a little too loudly that everyone at the table probably heard her. “How’s the life as a Lady in your land?” she asks, faking a smile.

Lillian was taken aback by the young princess but she still keeps her composure as she turns to the blonde. “I would say spectacular, dear. Why ask?”

“Oh pfft. Nothing” Kara waves her hand arrogantly not noticing everyone’s eyes on her. “Just curious how it feels like to go from being a ragged servant to a rich noble ruling a land. I mean **_HOOOOW?_** How does one even do it? Do you give sex first before the emotional thing whatever or is it the other way around? I’m really curi-“

Kara wasn’t able to finish mocking and humiliating the Lady intentionally as she was cut off by the King.

“KARA ZOR-EL DANVERS” King Jeremiah raises his voice with a hint of disappointment in his tone. This is meant to be a warning and  Kara _almost_ regrets what she had just done. When it comes to the Danvers family, she didn’t want to cause them anymore headaches than she already had.  _Almost Regretted it._ But it was worth it. Her reputation as a princess was shattered anyways. What harm could it do, humiliating a noble? Whatever. It’s worth it. That’s what Lillian deserves for humiliating Lena. _An eye for an eye,_ she thinks.

“Excuse me, I think I need to go to the rest room.” Kara stands, leaving the dining hall before the King could force her to apologize to the Lady Luthor and there was no way she’s doing that.

Kara went back to her room and decided to change into more comfortable clothes than what she’s wearing. She was on her way to the towers when she bumps into someone along the halls. She trips and her body twists. She would have her back on the floor if not for the strong hands that caught her. Her body was still aching from the beat down she got in the street fight but somehow, looking at this person makes her forget the pain. She looks up and sees Lena. Of course, it’s Lena. Again. The brunette had not let go of her, both girls remaining perfectly still, Lena bending to catch Kara in her arms and Kara’s back lying still in Lena’s arms. Their faces were only few inches apart that Kara could actually feel and hear Lena breathing. Kara’s heart beats faster and faster as she stares at Lena’s lips. She subconsciously bites her own as she thinks of how perfect the knight’s lips are. Her gaze travels up to stare directly at Lena's eys. Oh Rao, She is really the most beautiful woman Kara had ever seen.

Lena holds Kara in her arms and she’s trying so hard not to shake. She couldn’t even move as she feels butterflies in her stomach. Her hearts skips a beat when she sees Kara bite her lips. Rao, why does she have to do that? Now all Lena could think about is leaning closer and kissing her first love. It’s taking everything in her power to stop herself from doing just that.

Kara stares at those green eyes intensely and that’s when it hit her. **_Morgana._** Rao, they even have the same eyes. Kara blinks as she tries to stand up, composing herself. She pulls away from Lena’s arms. Kara doesn’t know if she was just imagining it, fooling herself, because she swears to Rao she just stared at Morgana’s eyes. _Her Morgana._ Those tantalizing green eyes that sometimes looked blue and sometimes a little bit of both, one eye with darker shade than the other.

Kara runs away without saying a word and she could hear Lena call out her name. But rao, she felt so guilty and disgusted with herself. She hadn’t even thought about Morgana tonight. She imagined Morgana’s eyes in someone else’s. Rao, what’s wrong with her? And Kara  thinking that she had seen the most beautiful woman when she saw Lena was what made her guilty the most. Yes, they looked alike but Morgana should have been the most beautiful woman Kara had ever seen. Not Lena. Oh Rao, she doesn’t even make sense anymore, Kara thinks.

******

Kara runs and runs and the next thing she knows she’s sitting at the edge of the tower. One wrong move and she could fall to her very own death. No, Kara wasn’t suicidal. With what she had been through and the way she’s acting, most people would probably think she is but really, she’s not. She thought about it a lot but Morgana would never forgive her if she took her own life. She knows that.

So the reason why she’s sitting here at the edge of the tower is not to jump. Kara simply loves being here, up high seeing everything from a bird’s eye view. She loves how the gush of wind blows her hair. She loves how she get chills from the breeze. She loves the idea that she’s closer to the sky than she is when she’s back down there below. Kara, in a weird sense, somehow feels free up here. Somehow, she feels alive and that’s something she couldn’t really say every day.

Kara notices Lena from afar heading towards her direction. She could have opted to avoid her again but she doesn’t. She stares at Lena from her distance and Rao, she really sees Morgana in her. Lena was like Morgana but at the same time, she wasn’t. Kara looks at Lena and she would feel like Morgana and Lena are the same person but she’d also feel like they are two complete opposites.

Kara sighs, looking away from Lena as she stares at the dark horizon. A few minutes after, Lena stands few steps behind where Kara’ sitting.

“You’re not thinking of jumping, are you?” Lena says, afraid of what Kara would say because if Kara is suicidal, she really doesn’t know if she could take it.

Kara chuckles. “No.” She says, not bothering to face Lena.

“Thank you, Princess.” Lena whispers. She was taken aback by what Kara did in the dining hall and while it was happening, all Lena could do was watch the blonde. Lena wasn’t a fool. Even if Kara denies it, she knows she humiliated Lillian because of Lena, for Lena.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Lena smiles because of course, Kara did deny it. She leans over the tower, just right beside where Kara was sitting. She takes in this moment for a bit longer as silence fills the atmosphere.

Lena takes a deep breath and steps back, prepared to leave but the blonde’s voice stops her.

“I, too, was adopted, you know.” Kara says, still staring at the horizon, not looking at Lena.

Lena leans over the tower again, determined to stay with the princess. “I know.”

“I apologize for what I’ve said. It was… It was wrong for me to assume things” Kara says with pure genuine sincerity.

“It’s okay, princess.”

“No it’s not.” The blonde shakes her head. She sighs as she contemplates on what she was about to say. She hesitates for a moment but there was just something about Lena that makes her wanna open up. “The King and Queen of Krypton, Alura and Zor-El, my parents... Everyone knows they died. They even know how. What they don’t know however is how I survived Camelot’s attack at the castle.”

Lena’s heart skips a beat. This is it. Finally, Kara is opening up and she wasn’t going to let this chance slip through her fingers. “How did you?” she asks, staring at those piercing blue eyes.

“I snuck out. That night, my parents were so mad at me. I was acting out. I was grieving my…” Kara hesitates. She sighs as she continues what she was trying to say. “I lost someone and I was grieving but I was also trying to make a change. I told my parents I’d stop if they’d let the innocent prisoners from Camelot go. It didn’t work. I was so angry, so pissed, so…. _Sad_  that I ended up yelling at them, calling them muderers, telling my parents I hated them and that they were the reason why my… why the one I lost was dead.”

Lena climbs up carefully  and sits beside Kara. She wasn’t sure if it’s a good idea but she takes Kara’s hand, giving her the strength to continue.

“then I ran away, snuck out through the tunnels and ended up passed out in a dark alley somewhere in the kingdom. The next morning I came home and Aunt Astra was there, pulling me into her arms right away. The Danvers were there too. I remember feeling so confused why everyone was crying and looked relieved to see me. Everyone thought I was actually dead or kidnapped.” Kara looks up at the stars above them, pausing for a while as she takes another deep breath. She turns to Lena, meeting those green eyed gaze on her.

“They died and the last thing I did was blame them for everything. The last thing I told them is that I hated them. They died and I’m… I’m here. And I should have been with them. If I hadn’t snuck out, I should have been with my parents. I should have died with them.” Kara adds as her voice breaks, her tears finally falling from those piercing blue eyes.

“Princess…” Lena says, wiping Kara’s tears with her hands. She squeezes Kara’s hand as she rubs the back of her palm. “It’s not your fault. I won’t pretend I could even imagine how it felt like but they’re your parents. Despite your last encounter with them, they’d know you didn’t mean it. They’d know how much you love them. I’m sure of it.”

But Kara isn’t. She isn’t sure if her parents died knowing how much she loves them. She should have been with them. She should have died with them. She doesn't understand why she was spared.

“The fights…” Kara shakes her head, disagreeing with Lena. “I get into fights not because I want to beat people up. It’s because when I get into fights, I feel alive. I feel like I’m getting what I deserve.”

And that’s when Lena finally gets it. Kara doesn’t need to say it. She can see it clearly. All the fights Kara puts herself in, it’s because Kara feels guilty. Her family died. Kara thought Lena, as Morgana, died. Her people shed a lot of blood. Yet Kara was still here. She’s still here. It’s survivor’s guilt and Kara feels like her getting beat up is what she deserves. She thinks it’s what she deserves because she thinks she should have died with her parents. With Morgana.

Lena understands now that all the anger inside Kara wasn’t just directed to the world. It was more directed to herself. Lena realizes that Kara not only feels guilty but also blames herself. And Lena hates it. Lena hated that Kara was blaming herself for the things she had no possibility of controlling at the first place.

And there was nothing she could say or do to change that. Kara has to realize it for herself.

“There’s alive and there’s dead.” Kara adds as she turns to look at Lena directly again. “And there’s a worse place in between them that I hope you never get to know anything about.” Kara genuinely wishes because right now she feels like she’s in that place between and it sucks and it’s empty. She wouldn’t wish anyone to be in this place. Not even the most evil person in the kingdom.

“Princess-“  Lena replies but Kara cuts her off.

“Kara.” The blonde princess smiles as the gush of wind blows her hair. “You can call me Kara.”

Lena smiles realizing that Kara is really opening up with her. Her heart feels so warm at this realization and all she wants to do is pull the blonde in her arms. “Kara-“

“Sssh.” Kara shakes her head, looking at the night sky. “Don’t say anything please. I’m just really glad someone listened. Okay?”

“Okay” Lena says as she pulls Kara, positioning the blonde’s head to lean on her shoulders. She holds Kara’s hand and traces the bruised on her knuckles. If Kara wasn’t wearing any make up, she was sure the wounds on the blonde’s face would still be evident. It pains Lena that Kara has so many wounds not just on her body but in her soul as well. It’s a long way from here but Lena vows to make those wounds disappear.

Kara’s head is on Lena's shoulder and their bodies were extraordinarily close. Lena was rubbing her bruised hand. Normally, she would never let anyone come this close but tonight, she didn’t mind. For the first time in a long time, she felt a soothing feeling. For the first time in a long time, she had hope. She had hope that maybe things could be different. That things could be better.

Kara closes her eyes as she feels the night breeze, taking in Lena’s scent. It was so Lena. It’s surprising that she had memorized Lena’s scent already. Has she been here in Krypton that long?

With her eyes closed and the overwhelming sense of security and unusual familiarity in Lena’s arms, she relishes at this rare moment for a little bit longer.

“Lena...” Kara whispers with her eyes still closed. There was softness in her voice. Vulnerability.

"Hmm?"

Lena's heart jump because it's the firsy time Kara said her name. And the way she said it makes Lena shiver. Kara said it with passion, with so much sadness that reflected the past years of Kara's life, one with so much grief and suffering. But Kara said it with so much _Hope_ as well. 

Kara was quiet for a few minutes, hesitating because what she wants to ask... What she wants Lena to do doesn't even make sense to her. Everything she's been feeling tonight doesn't. She sighs because she doesn't really understand herself anymore it's making her head ache. She gathers some courage to finally speak.

“Please don’t go. ” Kara asks Lena, abandoning her original plan of getting rid of the knight. She didn’t know if the knight had any plans of leaving after their fight. Kara wishes she didn’t. 

"Please don't go, _Lena_. Pleaaase...   _Please Stay._ "

And Lena could hear the crack in Kara's voice. The pleading tone didn't go unnoticed by the knight. Lena knows she's dwelling in a dangerous ground. She knew at the dining hall as she and Kara stared at each other a little bit too long that something was happening. And now it is crystal clear. She could feel the shift of her and Kara's relationship unfolding. She could feel the change  between them. She should probably go and wait for everything to be over and alright before she heads down this path, diving with her head first. Lena knows if she opens this door, her feelings for Kara would only intensify and if it did, she doesn't know if she would be able to hold herself back anymore. And she needed to. She needs to hold back because she has to make sure Kara is safe first. She has to think of Kara first. Maybe her being back as Morgana would only cause Kara more pain. Maybe it'll mess up her life more. Lena couldn't take that.

she tells herself that she's going to hold back, that she's going to focus on Kara's well being and not her feelings for the blonde. Yes, she's going to do just that but not tonight.

 _Rao, please let us have this one night_. _Just this one night..._

“I’m here, Kara.” Lena assures her. “I’m here _now."_

Lena tskes a deep breath as a tear escapes from her watery eyes.

 _"I’m here."_ She whispers once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remeber the flashback last chapter? Yeah that was the last time Kara saw her parents
> 
>  
> 
> ****  
> It's the start! Lena/Kara relationship development yall :)


	8. I never get jealous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's take a peak at Jealous!KAra

The day started out weird for Kara. First of all, she woke up with a smile on her face. Kara Zor-El Danvers actually woke up smiling and that’s something that never happened these past few years. But as Kara realizes this, the smile was gone in a second. Secondly, no one woke her up. Don’t get her wrong, Kara was never a morning person but lately, she was too accustomed to early training sessions with the raven haired knight that it started to become a habit.

Kara groans at the sunlight entering her room through the windows. She forces herself to get up despite wanting to stay in bed a little bit longer. She takes a shower and as the water falls on her body, she grins, feeling excited about today’s training session. She shakes her head, turning off the shower as she takes her towel.

 _Ugh. Stop it, Kara. It’s just training. Stop being weird. –_ She tells herself. Kara didn’t bother to call anyone to help her with her clothes. Unlike any other princesses, she likes doing stuff by herself. Kara is trying to put her hair up with a ponytail when something catches her eye. She stands, stepping a little bit closer to the window to see _them_ more clearly.

Kara sees Lena with this handsome man that could probably get any girl he wants. Except Kara of course. He was wearing an armor so Kara assumes he’s probably a knight too or something. But what had caught Kara’s attention is how Lena was with him. Lena had always been so composed around Kara, always so guarded, so mysterious. Even last night when Kara stayed still in Lena’s arms, she could feel there was still a wall separating Kara from truly knowing the knight. Kara didn’t mind. She was thankful for a shoulder to cry on, even for just a night.

But seeing Lena so carefree around the man, it stirs up something inside Kara. She sees them heading towards the castle. Lena poking the man while he ignores Lena. The raven haired knight keeps bouncing up and down, trying to annoy the man probably, and Kara could see the wide smile the man has on his face because of Lena.

She blinks, pulling the curtains together. She tells herself it’s to block the sunlight going in her room. But there was a hint of doubt lingering in Kara’s mind. She sighs because she’s getting this _unfamiliar_ feeling she can’t seem to name. She never experienced this before and she doesn’t like it. She doesn’t even know how to deal with it.

It took a few more minutes for Kara’s mind to stop overanalyzing things and get out of her room. She heads towards the training room and finds Alex and Lena training together.

“Hey sis. Hope you didn’t mind me borrowing Lena” Alex says, noticing Kara in the room with them.

Lena was too busy training Alex to notice the blonde that it took her by surprise when Alex mentioned Kara’s name. Her eyes turn to Kara’s and suddenly Lena remembers the feeling she got last night, Kara leaning on her shoulders and her holding her hand.

“Kara” Lena exclaims, surprise why the blonde was there. 

It took a few seconds for Kara to respond because of the way her name escaped Lena’s lips. It sends a wave of emotions through Kara just the way it unknowingly did for Lena when the blonde whispered her name for the first time last night.

“You didn’t wake me up.” Kara spats with obvious anger in her voice. “I thought you were serious about me training. Why didn’t you wake me up?! ”

“Well somebody woke up at the wrong side of the bed” Alex chuckles, teasing Kara of her mood.

Kara blinks, realizing how rude she was being.  “Sorry. I-“

Lena cuts Kara off, shaking her head, assuring the blonde it’s alright. “You have to rest, Princess. You’re still pretty banged up. You can’t even walk well. Give your body time to heal and we’ll resume training.”

“But-“ Kara starts to protest but Lena doesn’t Let her.

“No, Kara. Rest”

“But Lena!” Kara raises her voice because once again, Lena is starting to get on her nerves.

“Kara, I train you when I say I train you. What if your body couldn’t handle any more physical trauma?” Lena says with tenacity in her voice. There was a hint of authority, one that a rightful queen possesses. Maybe it’s the Morgana in her showing but she stops herself, softening her voice, before anyone else could notice. “You have to rest, princess. I can’t point a sword at you and be worried at the same time of you passing out. Please?”

Kara sighs as she surrenders to this argument. She could see Lena’s point and she could actually hear the concern in the raven haired knight’s voice. “Fine. I’ll stay over there in the corner and watch you guys. Just watch.” Kara adds, rolling her eyes as she walks to the corner.

Alex watched the whole exchange, turning from Lena to Kara and back to Lena again. The two didn’t even notice her watching them. She smiles as Lena raises her sword again, pointing at Alex.

 “what?” Lena asks, raising an eyebrow.

 “Nothing. Let’s start again.” Alex shakes her head as she chuckles. Oh but it wasn’t nothing. She just watched Kara _let_ Lena demand her to do something and her sister didn’t even notice it. She let Lena demand her to do something and actually did it. She just watched Kara whine to Lena. She just watched Lena expressing concern for her sister.

 _This_ is definitely _not_ nothing. This was something. And it amuses Alex because Kara is going all through these new things she thinks are good for her sister and the blonde has no idea about it yet. It’s really entertaining to watch.

Alex was mocking Lena’s fighting techniques and Lena spat something back in return. Alex doesn’t even remember what it was but Lena had said something sarcastic anf she was sure it was not _that_ funny. But Kara on the other hand finds it super funny as she sees the blonde snorting. She realizes that her little sister has been there grinning at Lena and staring at her all session long.

“Lena!” A voice interrupts their training session. Their heads turn to see whose it was. Alex didn’t fail to notice how Kara’s smile falters as she looks at the man. Was that the green-eyed monster in her eyes? Alex wonders

Lena puts her sword down and before she could even speak, Alex jerks her head to the man’s direction, gesturing Lena to go. “I need a drink” Alex says as she walks towards Kara who was drinking some water too.

Alex gets the pitcher and pours some water to the glass. She is literally beside Kara and her sister doesn’t even bother to look up. Kara’s eyes where fixed on the general and Lena.

Alex lets out a chuckle, coughing, hoping it would be enough let Kara know of her presence beside her.

Kara blinks finally noticing Alex.

“Who’s that?” Kara asks, turning to Alex.

“Some Daxamite general. I hear he’s a legend back in Daxam.”

“Well!” Kara turns her gaze back to Lena and the general. That’s when she catches Lena giving the general a kiss on the cheek before he leaves. “This is no Daxam!” Kara spats, breaking the glass of water she was holding. She didn’t even notice she was clenching that hard.

Oh, But Alex did. Luckily, Maggie saw everything as she was passing by and had the initiative to get the first aid kit right away.

“Kara? You’re bleeding!” Lena says as she runs towards Alex and the blonde.

“You think?” Kara spats, annoyance very evident in her voice.

This shocks Lena because few minutes ago, she could hear Kara laughing because of her. She wonders about Kara’s sudden change of mood. Maggie arrives shortly with the first aid kit and Lena immediately gets it from the servant’s hand.

“Good thinking, sawyer” Alex kisses Maggie seeing to it that the four of them are the only ones in the room.

Kara sees her sister and Maggie smiling through their kiss and she can’t help but smile as well.

“Oh you two, get a room!” Kara teases Maggie and Alex.

“Oh later.” Maggie replies, smirking. “I have to go to work. See ya around, Danvers” She adds winking goodbye at Alex before she leaves the room.

“OWWW!” Kara winces at the pain. Apparently, Lena has been putting something on the wound that the shattered pieces of the glass had caused.

“Hold still, princess.” Lena says, wrapping the bandage around Kara’s hand. “You have to be careful. You’re so clumsy sometimes.”

“Sometimes?” Alex scoffs, laughing. “More like all the time!”

“Hey. I am not!” Kara pouts but smiles at her sister nonetheless.

“Actually, You are.” Lena adds, pointing at Kara’s hand as she closes the first aid kit, smiling at Kara.  “there you go. All wrapped up”

“I am so not!” Kara stands, denying her clumsiness but this time without a smile. “You know what, I’M OUT OF HERE!”

Kara walks out of the room, feeling her blood boil. Was this anger she’s feeling? No. She knows it’s not. It’s so new and she doesn’t know how to deal with it. She’s feeling all these mixed emotions and she can’t seem to put a hold on herself. All she knows is she needs to get away from Lena. She doesn’t like how that general is with Lena. He was too close to the knight. She hates how he can put that smile on Lena’s face but rao, she likes seeing Lena smile. It suits her more than the serious face the knight is always trying to pretend she has. What’s wrong with this day? Everything is just confusing her!

“What? What did I do now?” Lena asks Alex, really confused how Kara just acted.

*****

Lena was really bothered why Kara stormed off like that. She really liked that Kara and her started this friendship and she doesn’t want to do or say anything that might destroy it especially that Kara had warmed up to her presence. So she picked up some sunflowers which were Kara’s favorite to give to the blonde. She checked in Kara’s room but the blonde wasn’t there. The castle is really a big place to find a person but fortunately she passed by James who knew where the blonde was. She asks James if she had seen Kara and he tells her that the princess was just at the stables with Krypto.

Lena was about to head there straight when James stops her.

“Lena” James says, hugging Lena.

The raven haired beauty was taken aback by it but welcomed the embrace anyways. She taps James’ back, returning the embrace. James pulls back and Lena raises her eyebrow, giving him a curious look.

James let out a shy laugh. “Thank you.”

“What for?” Lena is even more confused now.

“Whatever you did…” James has this genuine smile and his eyes have so much hope in it. “Kara, for the first time, did not have nightmares last night. I know…”

James pauses before continuing. “I know it’s somehow because of you. So whatever you did, Thank you”

Lena continues heading towards the stables with that thought in mind. Could she really be the reason why Kara didn’t have a nightmare for the first time? Or was it a mere coincidence? She shrugs the questions off her mind as she sees the blonde princess talking to Krypto, pouting. She wonders what Kara was saying to the horse. She gathers her courage before she walks to the princess.

*****

_and he was so annoying, Krypto!_

_How could interrupt a training session like that!_

_I mean the moment I saw him, I could sense something was off!_

_Not that I care about Lena, I don’t_

_But the guy wasn’t her type anyways. She can do better than him_

_The guy was so smug I could see it._

_And rao, he’s bald!_

_His head was so shiny, Krypto!_

_And You can never trust shiny head bald guys!_

_He has no hair for rao’s sake!_

_So I’m telling you Krypto, WE hate him!_

_******_

“Who do we hate?” Lena asks, making the princess jump.

Kara suddenly feels herself turning pale, afraid of how much of her conversation with Krypto Lena heard.

“Hey. How long have you been there?” Kara frowns. “Were you listening to our conversation?”

“Princess, I think it’s more of a monologue than a conversation, don’t you think?” Lena laughs, teasing Kara. It’s so cute that she still talks to animals. Lena… Morgana had always loved that about her. “Relax, I just heard you telling krypto to hate someone.”

When Kara doesn’t answer, Lena takes this opportunity to give her the sunflowers she got for her.

“Umm. Kara?”

Kara stops rubbing Krypto’s head and turns  to face Lena.

“I got this for you.” Lena says, handing the sunflowers to Kara. “You know since you were having a bad morning. I thought it might cheer you up.”

The blonde princess just stares at it for a moment that Lena had actually thought she would refuse it. Kara stares at those sunflowers and Lena sees a wide smile on Kara’s face as she gets the flowers from Lena’s hands. Wow, she could definitely live with that smile forever, Lena thinks.

“Wow, These…” Kara continues to look at the sunflowers with so much appreciation in her eyes. “These are beautiful, Lena. Thank you!”

Kara slowly looks up, transferring her gaze at those beautiful green eyes, smiling. “These are my favorite, you know.”

“Really?” Lena asks, faking her surprise because of course, she knows. And it makes her heart skip a beat seeing how much Kara loved it and how much it’s turning her bad morning into a better one right now. “Good taste then. Lex actually helped me pi-“ Lena wasn’t able to finish her sentence before Kara interrupts her.

“Lex?????”

“Oh yeah. Lex. You saw him this morning in training. Lex is my B-“

“You know what, I think Krypto and I need alone time” Kara spats, turning her back at Lena as she continues feeding the horse. Of course Lena would brag about her boyfriend, Kara thinks.

Okay, now Lena is more confused than ever. “Okay Princes, What just happened??

“What?!”

“Seriously? You were okay with me a few moments ago and then this?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Kara says, not believable enough.

“Oh come on, Kara” Lena rolls her eyes. “I don’t know if it’s just your mood swings or-“

Kara cuts Lena off, sounding more defensive than ever. “I don’t have mood swings!”

“Yes you do! You’re so moody, Princess. Your mood extraordinarily changes all the time!”

“No, It doesn’t. im not moody. Maybe you are!” Kara says with her crinkle showing as she pouts at Lena.

“What?” Lena asks, thinking how childish the princess is being. “Me? Moody?”

“HA!” Kara points at Lena, still pouting. “Yes! You are moody, Lena!”

Lena actually laughs at this. Oh rao how can Kara be so cute even in an argument like this. “No, You are” Lena shakes her head laughing.

“No You are!”

“No you are, Kara”

“NO YOU ARE! STOP LAUGHING THIS IS NOT FUNNY AGGHHH”

She would have stopped. Really. She just needed to let her laugh out for a few more seconds. But before she could stop, Kara groans and rides Krypto, leaving Lena alone at the stables.

 

* * *

 

The next day, Kara is woken up by a voice in her room she couldn’t quite recognize since she was still half asleep.

A voice. In her room. Early in the morning. _Lena,_ Kara thinks. She immediately sits up and turns to look at the person in her room with a big wide smile on her face.

Alex sees Kara’s smile turn into a frown as she realizes her sister was the one waking her up. “Well, don’t look so pleased to see me sis.”

Kara blinks as she shakes her head. “Of course I’m happy to see you, Alex. It’s just-“

“It’s just you thought I was Lena?” Alex smirks, teasing Kara.

“No!” Kara says defensively. “It’s just that I woke up at the wrong side of the bed again.”

Where was Lena anyways? Why didn’t she wake Kara up again? The blonde wonders. Maybe she’s with that man. The thought immediately sends the same unfamiliar feeling through Kara’s veins.

Kara asks Alex why she’s in her room early in the morning. Apparently, Alex couldn’t wait till later to talk about yesterday and how jealous Kara was. She denies it and tells Alex she has aboulutely no reason to be Jealous.

“Jealous?” Kara scoffs, laughing. Really laughs. “Alex, I can’t be jealous. I’ve never been jealous. I don’t get jealous. “

And Kara’s actually believes this. and it's actually true as well. She has never been jealous. Not when she was with Morgana. Morgana never gave her a reason to. They were friends since they were kids and ever since then, the Pendragon’s eyes were only set on Kara. Plus, Morgana was only into girls and she didn’t have a lot of _girl_ friends. Kara doesn’t have any siblings so she had no one to compete for her parents’ attention either. She was Clark’s favorite person too. Even Astra considered her as Astra’s own daughter. She was never jealous of anyone because she was everyone’s favorite. _Was_ being the operative word, sends a little bit of sting in Kara's heart as she remembers all those people are gone. Whether alive or dead, they're gone.

“Whatever you say, sis” Alex shrugs, hugging Kara in her arms as she teases her sister once more. “But Jealousy is a disease. I hope you get well soon!”

“ALEX!”

* * *

 

Kara tries to avoid Lena and what’s his name? Lek? Lex? Lez? Whatever. But unfortunately, there he is at the quad, having a friendly sword fight with James, showing off his skills.

 _Show off much?_ Kara thinks. And she sees her sister staring at her, shaking her head with her smirk on and teasing eyes. Did she say it out loud? Oh Rao!

James surrenders as the general points two swords at him. People who were watching clapped but of course, the general wasn’t done with his boasting. Maybe this is a Daxamite trait. But Lena isn’t like that. so probably she’s the exception, Kara thinks.

“Now who wants to see if they can beat me next?” 

Lena who just got in the quad few moments ago would have volunteered if the blonde princess didn’t beat her to it.

“I could.” Kara steps forward, taking the sword from James, pointing at Lex. She could see Alex’ eyes widen beside her but her sister smiles nonetheless.

“Kar-“ Alex tries to stop Kara because her sister can see right through her. Rao, she’s so oblivious. Alex knows why she’s volunteering. Leave it to Kara to fight for the woman she… _Alex doesn’t know what Kara feels yet but it’s something._ She was about to stop teasing Kara and tell her the truth that the general was Lena’s brother but she never got the chance to since Kara just ignored her.

“Well, Princess.” Lex bows, smirking. “Let’s see what you got”

Kara and Lex clash their swords, blocking each other’s attacks. Lena walks forward to see a better view and stops beside Alex. Lena was surprised Kara could actually hold it against Lex considering she knows how skilled her brother is. Their swords were clashing back and forth and none of the two really had an advantage over the other until something distracts Kara. Or rather _someone._

“You got it, Princess!”

Kara immediately recognizes the voice. She didn’t know Lena was here. Her eyes automatically search the place, spotting Lena beside her sister. That’s when Kara started getting self-conscious, feeling nervous at the same time. Lex uses this and pins Kara down to the ground, pointing the sword at her neck.

 “I must say, my **_sister_ ** has taught you well but you should work on your focus more. You got easily-“ Lex says, looking at Kara who was still laying on the floor.

“Sister?” Kara asks. She knows Lex was still saying a lot of things but all she could really hear is the word **_sister_**.

“Yeah” Lex smiles, offering Kara a hand to help her stand up. “Lena is the one training you, isn’t she?”

“Oh. Oh. Oh.” Kara’s eyes widen. She takes Lex’ hand as she got up her feet. “You’re…. You’re…. You’re…”

Lex laughs at how Kara couldn’t even finish her sentence. “Her brother. I’m her brother, Lex”

Alex decides to save Kara from her possible word vomit, so she steps in, pulling Kara with her. They walk back inside the castle with silence. A thousand thoughts going through Kara’s mind as she finally admits to herself she was indeed jealous. And it was irrational for her to feel that way. It’s a new experience for her and she doesn’t like feeling it. Why did she feel it? She sighs deciding not to think about this ever again, putting it to the **_forget this ever happened pile_** of her mind. Rao, why does her sister have to be right all the time?

However, she lets herself have the biggest and widest grin on her face for a moment there as she whispers, "He's just Lena's brother"

*****

Lex wraps his arm around Lena’s shoulder as they walk to his horse together. “I can’t believe your girlfriend got jealous of me. Didn’t you tell her I’m your brother?”

“What?” Lena pulls back, giving Lex a curious look. “What do you mean?”

“Kara. The Kryptonian Princess?”

“What? No, No. Kara and I… We’re not… She’s not… Wait! What do you mean jealous?”

“Oh come on. I see the way you looked at each other, Lena. And she totally thought I was gonna swoop in and take you away from her. Didn’t you see how jealous she was?”

“No. and she’s not my girlfriend. I don’t even like her.”

But when Lena really thinks about it, it makes sense if Kara was jealous. She was moodier than usual since Lex had arrived. Oh Rao, Lena starts to piece it together and realizes that Kara’s mood did change at the sight of Lex or even the mention of his name. Wait, what is the meaning of this? If she was jealous, what does that even mean? She wonders but doesn’t tell her brother any of this. She even denies liking the blonde. Of course, she loves Lex and would trust him with her life. She just couldn’t trust him with Kara’s. Lena was Lex’ family. Kara wasn’t. Lex is a loyal man and if his duty was to put Kara down six feet below the ground, he would do it without blinking an eye. Lena knows this. So she doesn’t cross Lex out at the list of names in her mind that she needs to protect Kara from. She doesn’t cross her brother out at the list of names that could possibly be the one sent in this castle to kill Kara.

Despite all those thoughts, Lena can’t help but smile as she whispers, "She was jealous"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if the chapter seems to be off. I had a hiking trip yesterday and my body isnt fully functional yet it hurts everywhere anyways ill make it up to you in the next chapters i swear :)
> 
> Sorry if there were too much dialogues or the chapter's too long. but how moody was Kara? 
> 
> AND OMG THE HIATUS IS ENDING! WHO'S READY TO FREAK OUT IN 2X18? BECAUSE I AM! CANT WAIT FOR THAT SUPERCORP COUCH SCENE ASDFGHJKLN SUPERCORP HAS OFFICIALLY ENSLAVED ME YALL IM ACTUALLY TELLING MY BOSS IN MY INTERNSHIP I'LL BE ABSENT ON TUESDAY MORNING (since it's the time equivalent here in the Philippines when the sg ep airs)


	9. You just do.

*****

_It has been a week since her parents’ death. A week since Clark’s parents died. Excluding Astra , Clark and her ,it has been a week after her family,  every living member of the House of El met his/her end. Kara was still mourning, grieving. She hasn’t talked to anyone in a week. She hasn’t uttered a single word or even shed a single tear. She couldn’t cry and she didn’t know why. When Morgana died, she let it all out. She cried and cried until her eyes hurt like hell, until she couldn’t breathe anymore. But now, she just can’t. Yet despite the lack of tears, it was more painful than ever. When Morgana died, she had her parents’ arms assuring her, making her feel better. Now, she had no one. Kara asks herself, at times like this, where does she find comfort? Where does she find solace? Where does she find the unconditional love that would keep her safe? Where does she go for the assurance that everything is eventually gonna be alright even if it actually won’t be? Kara asks herself, where does she do when the people she go to for all of these things are now gone? Are now… Dead._

_The pain Kara is feeling is excruciating. Knowing that she’ll never be able to take back the words she had uttered before her parents died, knowing they won’t be there to hug her again ever, knowing she’s all alone, left with no one… That knowledge kills her in a whole different way. It’s worse than death because death, it’s sudden. Quick. You’re gone in a blink of an eye. But having her world taken away from her, having the people she love so dear taken away from her, and having this knowledge that they’re never going back, it’s torture. It’s the kind of death you go through every day. The kind of death that kills you day by day and you can’t do anything about it. It’s that kind that never stops._

_But Kara realizes that she’s not alone. She’s not alone in this. She has Clark and maybe it’s time to talk to her older cousin about what they both are going through. After all, Clark’s world was gone in a blink of an eye too. She goes to east wing of the castle, heading straight to Clark’s room. It was empty. It feels empty. Through the window, she sees Clark heading out, with bags in his hands._

_Clark was leaving. Clark is leaving. Kara run after her cousin and just when he was about to ride his horse, she stops him._

_“Clark! Clark! Clark!”_

_“Kara” Clark whispers as he turns to face Kara. The princess could see the surprise in his eyes and she knew that moment he had no plans to say goodbye._

_“you’re just… you’re just leaving?” Kara’s voice breaks._

_“I’m sorry Kar. I just… I have to”_

_“You weren’t even going to tell me! Astra…” Kara gulps the sob that’s threatening to escape. She hasn’t cried for days and she wasn’t going to start now. “Astra is gone. And you’re leaving too. My mom and dad are dead Clark. Your mom. Your dod. Everyone… Everyone is gone and you wanna leave?”_

_“I… You’d understand someday, Kara” Clark says, turning his back to her favorite cousin._

_“Take me with you! Please. Clark, let me come with you!” Kara says and her voice was pleading. Begging, like she didn’t have anything to lose anymore and all she could do was surrender/_

_Clark could see the pain in Kara’s eyes but he was carrying his own pain too. He couldn’t possibly take care of Kara. She’s better off here with the Danvers. She couldn’t take care of her cousin when he couldn’t even take care of himself. Clark takes a deep breath, he hesitates. He decides this was best for everyone as he rides his horse, leaving Kara alone._

_Clark’s horse was going fast but Kara didn’t care._

_“no.. noo.. noooo.” Kara pants as she runs after the horse._

_“no.. nooo… nooo…” She whimpers and even if she knows she couldn’t catch up with the horse she still runs after it._

_“Noo.. Nooo.. No..” She runs and runs after it until she couldn’t see it anymore. Her body overflowing with sweat, her lungs having a hard time to find some oxygen._

_She finally lets herself break down on the ground and the tears that have been bottled up inside her for the past week escape all at once. “Please stay.” She whispers as she cries even though she knows it’s no use. Everything at this very moment feels so so painful. Everything just hurts. Kara could feel every ounce of pain in her body. She was tired. She was tired of living. She was tired of feeling. She was tired of everyone leaving. She was angry of everyone leaving. She was afraid of everyone leaving. She’s hurt of everyone leaving. She can’t feel this again. She can’t feel like this again. She can’t take feeling like this again. She just can’t._

_******_

 

Kara wakes up crying from that nightmare, from that memory the day Clark left. And she can’t help but feel the pain all over again, feel the anger all over again, feel the… _fear_ all over again. She sobs and runs. Her room was huge enough but she can feel herself suffocating. So she runs and runs.

Kara wasn’t thinking of anywhere but somehow she finds herself knocking at someone’s door at the wee hours of the knight. She paces, waiting for an answer but there was none. She knocks again.

No answer. _What was I even thinking? Why am I even here?_ Kara thinks as she starts to turn around when she hears that voice.

“Kara?”

It was soft. Angelic, even. Hypnotizing. That voice that for an unknown reason, gives Kara a soothing feeling, like everything is going to be alright even if it’s not. That feeling that she thought she would never feel again when Morgana, when her family, were all taken away from her.

 

* * *

 

Lena lay awake in her bed at the middle of the night, thinking about one certain blonde princess. She was lost in her thoughts how everything has been between them these past few weeks. The lingering gaze Kara sends her way that the blonde was surely oblivious about, the smiles that Kara tries to hide every day. But Lena was no fool. She could see how little by little, the rage within Kara, the emotional turmoil inside of her… Lena could see it being replaced by cute little laughter and pouts. Slowly… Gradually, she could see how Kara’s life is turning even if the blonde doesn’t know it yet. Kara tries to hide these changes. She could see the effort the blonde is putting in pretending she didn’t care. Maybe she really didn’t? Lena thinks. But once in a while, when no one is looking, she could see the glimpse of Kara. Not the one who’s feels angry at everyone and everything, but the one that despite everything that had happened, manages to have that smile on her face. The smile that tells Lena life really sucks and it’s painful and hard but it’s beautiful as well. It’s beautiful when you give it a chance to be. And there are this moments wherein she catches Kara giving it a chance.

That’s all Lena could hope for. Because really, a chance can change so many things. It could change everything.

Lena’s thoughts were interrupted by a few soft knocks. She checks who it is and finds Kara, starting to leave.

 

“Kara?”

“I… I just couldn’t sleep. But I don’t want to disturb you. I.. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t know why I’m here. You should go back to sleep. I can’t.. I… I’m sorry..”

 

Lena stops Kara’s rambling as she opens the door wider gesturing for Kara to enter. The blonde does and for a moment there Kara was just standing at the middle of the room, looking everywhere but Lena. Despite Kara trying to hide it, she knows the blonde had cried. If her puffy red eyes and stuffy nose didn’t give it out, her shaky voice would certainly do.

Kara sits on Lena’s bed as the knight gets some water. When Lena’s back in the room, she hands Kara the water, noticing the blonde is still not looking at her. Nothing about Kara’s appearance conveys anger. There was pain, Lena could see it but fear was more like it. Fear of what? Lena doesn’t know.

They sat there in silence for a few minutes. Just pure silence with so much understanding despite the lack of words.

 

“The nightmares aren’t gone yet completely, are they?” Lena breaks the silence first. James had said before that Kara didn’t have nightmares anymore and Kara herself had mentioned it once or twice this past month but somehow they always come back. Lena guesses it’s not that easy to get rid of them.

“They never are” Kara sighs, sipping some more water. “I… There are days I don’t get them but sometimes… Sometimes they come back. I don’t think they ever will, Lena”

“Do you… Do you wanna talk about it?

Kara shakes her head and Lena doesn’t push.

“Come here.” Lena takes the left side of the bed, pulling Kara in her arms. The blonde lay still in Lena’s arms, burying her head on the knight’s neck.

“Lena?”

“Hmm?”

“Tell me something about you”

“I’ve already told a lot about myself, princess.”

“Not enough.” Kara argues.

 

So Lena tells her more. She tells her about her life in Daxam, how her brother Lex loves her so much. How Lex trained her and was so proud of her. She told her how she misses her people back there. How she plays with the little kids in the village. Lena tells her funny stories about the kids teasing her and setting her up with people in the village that she has no romantic interest for. She tells her how much she loves those friends she had made. Lena tells her how thankful he is for his adoptive father and how she wishes her relationship with Lillian could be different.

 

“She’s a fool not to see your worth, Lena.” Kara whispers in her arms. “Anyone would be proud to have you as their daughter. Anyone would be lucky to have even known you, proud to have you as a friend.”

“I know I am” Kara adds. It was barely a whisper but Lena hears it. She can’t help but feel a little bit teary eyed because of how the blonde feels. Lena had opened up to Kara about her life as Lena. It was nothing related to Morgana, yet the blonde still somehow makes her feel special as _Lena Luthor._ Not because of Morgana but because she is Lena and Kara still finds her special.

 

Kara closes her eyes. This feeling never gets old. Being in Lena’s arms, it always gives her a sense of security, no matter how false it is, Kara thinks. “can you.. Can you say it again, Lena?”

The knight knows what the blonde princess means. Lena wraps Kara in her arms even tighter, knowing the blonde will succumb to her sleep in a few minutes. “I’ll stay. I’ll stay, Kara” Lena whispers in Kara’s ears, granting the blonde what she wanted to hear but most importantly saying the what Lena vows to do. "I'm not going anywhere."

It has been like this every single time Kara gets a nightmare or more like a flash of memory. Either Kara would go to Lena’s room or she’d ask the knight to stay in hers. Kara would always ask something about Lena. She would always ask Lena to tell her something about the raven haired woman’s life that Lena actually thinks it’s Kara’s own way of wanting to know more about her. They’d spend nights like this, Lena would wrap her arms around Kara until the blonde falls asleep and every single time, she would always ask Lena to say she’ll stay. Kara never tells her what the nightmares are about. All Lena knows is that they are memories of the past.

The mornings after these kinds of nights, however, are different. Kara and Lena would go back to being friends. They argue. They train. The spend time together. They roll eyes at each other. They mock each other. They become the princess and the knight. But they never talk. They never talk about those nights when Kara runs to Lena for comfort. They never talk about how Lena is always there ready to give and be anything Kara needed her to be. They never talk about how they reveal more and more of their souls to each other during those nights. They pretend that those nights never happen.

Each morning, they go back to their normal lives. Kara Zor-El Danvers, the princess who couldn’t care less and Lena Luthor, the knight on a mission to protect Kara at all cost, even when lying to her could make her lose Kara altogether.

 

* * *

 

Kara and Alex were lying on the field having a picnic together. Kara would stare at Alex and when her sister notices, she would look down on the book she’s hold and pretends to read. Alex knows Kara wants to say something but she doesn’t push. She knows her sister. The more you push Kara, the more she hesitates doing it. A few moments later tho…

“Alex?” Kara says with the gentlest voice she could have ever used.

“Hmm?”

“How do you know you love a person?” Kara asks innocently.

 

Alex looks up from the book she was reading with a confused expression. Why would Kara ask that? “Kara I think you know the answer to that. You certainly have been in love before.”

Kara knows who Alex is referring to. _Morgana._ She definitely has. She still is. But Kara has always been in love with  Morgana she actually has no idea how she knew. She knows she loved Morgana the moment she met her. She just doesn’t know how.

 

“Do you love Maggie?”

“Of course, I do. I don’t think I could take it without her, Kara. I love her so much just talking about her makes my heart warm. Her status doesn’t matter to me. She’s my happiness, Kar. I’ve never been happier with anyone else.”

 

Kara could see her sister’s eyes light up as she talks about Maggie. She could hear the dreamy voice of her sister. Kara could tell Maggie is _**it**_ for Alex. She could tell Maggie is Alex’ everything and that always puts a smile on Kara’s face,

Kara looks up and turns her gaze to Lex and Lena sparring from afar. She could see how Lena was being playful with hr brother, jumping at him trying to ride on his back. She sees them sparing with wide smiles on their faces. Lex was definitely beating Lean but she could sense Lena doesn’t care.

 

“But how do you know?” Kara asks Alex once more, not looking away from the sight that keeps her smiling. She bites her lip, trying to stop herself from smiling as she stares from a distance at the raven haired knight laughing, being so carefree as the gush of wind blows her hair, the rays of sunshine illuminating her face, emphasizing her beauty more and more.

 

Alex looks up and stares at Kara. She could see Kara’s gaze was locked somewhere. She knows her sister was lost in her own thoughts. She turns to see where her sister’s eyes are locked. Alex smiles as she realizes it was Lena.

Now it makes sense to her why her little sister is asking .

 

“You just do.”

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is the pacing too fast? Too slow? Anyways, Im making this all up as I go fam, so bear with me. :) But I could imagine when the the truth comes out, i feel like everythings just gonna explode asdfghjkakahnjla
> 
> I decided to update before the ep airs because Id probably be freaking out by then. The next update to this fic and my other one (Summer after High school) may take awhile tho, I'll see what I can do. 
> 
> BUT OMG FEW MORE HOURS AND WE'LL HAVE SUPERCORP CUDDLING!!!!! ASDSFDFGJHAKLJA


	10. I'm so sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda long

Kara Zor-El Danvers has been missing for quite a few hours and Lena has been worried sick. Sure, Kara had pulled something like this before but it was during the wee hours of the night and Lena knew exactly where the blonde would be. – With her friends at Cat Grant’s pub. But it’s still day time and Kara couldn’t be found anywhere. Lena had asked Alex about it and the princess hadnt seen her little sister either. Neither did the knights and servants in the castle. And it’s making Lena panic, her thoughts going to places she wished that would never happen. She still doesn’t know who is going to kill Kara and that’s not making things any better.

“Relax, Lena. I’m sure Kara is okay.” James says, noticing how pale and worried Lena is.

Lena looks up and raises her eyebrow at James. “You know something. Tell me, James.”

“No, I don’t. I know nothing” James denies, trying his very best to look innocent.

“James!”

“Okay. Okay. Fine” James raises his hands in surrender, sighing. “I’m not supposed to know this and neither do you. I discovered it by accident.”

“What is it?” Lena asks, releasing a deep breath she didn’t even know she was holding as relief passes through her veins.

James hops on his horse and taps the space behind him. “I’ll show you.”

 

It took a while to get where they are. The place isn’t even in the map. It’s somehow hidden in the woods and if you didn’t know you were going, you definitely would have missed it. Despite the place being hidden at the middle of the woods, there is life in it. There’s a village in it. Lena could see the people interacting with each other, laughing, talking. She could see how it seems that everyone knows everyone, how everyone was everyone’s friend. But what was really surprising is how the people in this village are from different Kingdoms. She could see someone from the Kingdom of Earth and a Daxamite holding hands. She could see a family with different colors. Lena is in awe how in this village, it doesn’t matter if your Kryptonian, Daxamaite, or from Camelot or not. Your race doesn’t matter. Nor does your sexuality. There’s no xenophobia or racism. Everyone here just co-exists and it was a sight to behold.

As they hide in the shadows of the wood, Lena spots Kara with the little girls and boys around her. She was sitting on the ground, saying something with the biggest smile on her face as the kids listen. It makes Lena’s heart warm seeing Kara like this. She wonders why Kara never shows it back in the castle. She wonders why Kara pretends she doesn’t care when clearly, she does.

“I followed her once here.” James says, jerking her head towards Kara’s direction. “She caught me and threatened me not to tell anyone about this. I helped her with some stuff here and covering her missing time in the castle. People see Kara being mean to me back in the castle but actually we are pretty good friends. It’s just… It’s part of the mask she wears which I don’t get.”

Lena transfers her gaze to James. It makes sense now. She had caught James and Kara talking from time to time along the halls. Lena had assumed Kara was just scolding James about something.

“and what is… _This_?”

James smiles, remembering what Kara had told him before. “A Dream.”

“When Kara started to build this village, she didn’t just help financially. Sure, she’d give people here gold for their daily needs and all. But she was here too. She was literally here. Imagine a princess building a house with the commoners. She became part of this village. People loved Kara here without knowing she is actually the reason why this village exists.” James adds, thinking about how Kara has a heart as big as their kingdom. – Probably even bigger.

 

In this village, Kara wasn’t Kara Zor-El, the princess who had lost Morgana. She wasn’t the princess who had lost her whole family. She wasn’t Kara Danvers, the princess who abandoned her kingdom. She was just… _Kiera_ here and everyone adores her.

“A Dream.” Lena whispers, repeating what James had called this.

James nods, his smile widening. “When I asked her about it she said, _It is very difficult to accomplish James but_ – “

“But it’s not impossible.” Lena finishes the sentence as she stares at Kara from a distance. Her mind wandering to a certain memory from the past;

 

****

_Morgana is staring at her girlfriend playing with a bunny in their secret paradise. Words could never express how thankful she is for Kara. Morgana feels like her heart literally beats for the blonde._

_“Kara?”_

_Kara looks up at her girlfriend as she holds the bunny in her arms. She gives Morgana a wide smile._

_Morgana laughs. Kara is just too adorable and cute sometimes.”What’s your biggest dream? Morgana asks her girlfriend._

_Kara’s smile falters as she thinks about it. “I… I don’t know. I feel like I have the perfect life. I have amazing parents. I love the people and my kingdom. And I…” Kara starts to smile as she holds Morgana’s hand, staring right at those beautiful green eyes._

_“I have you, Morgana. How could I ever dream for more?”_

_Morgana smiles, interlocking their fingers. She leans closer and kisses her girlfriend passionately, feeling the blonde smiling through their kiss._

_“How about you?” Kara asks._

_Morgana thinks about it and as much as she wishes she has a perfect life like Kara, she doesn’t. She thinks about her kingdom and how many are still starving, how racism and xenophobia exist  in there._

_“I dream of a world where everyone just exists with each other, you know. Where there’s no racism, or xenophobia, where everyone has equal rights. That’s... That's  my dream.”_

_Kara’s crinkle appears as she imagines Morgana’s vision. “Is that even possible? I mean I’d love to live in that kind of world but it seems unrealistic”_

_Morgana smiles at her girlfriend, shaking her head. “It is very very difficult to accomplish, Kara but it is not impossible. Nothing is. Someday, I’m gonna see that dream.”_

_“Well, if you say that it is, then I believe you” Kara smiles, pulling her girlfriend closer to her. “And I’m gonna support you every step of the way. I’ll help you make your dream come true. I promise.”_

****

 

James had gone back to the castle. He had asked Lena if she was sure she’s staying since they only brought one horse. Lena assured him she’d manage. She observes Kara for a little while from behind the trees. It was creepy but she doesn’t want to startle the blonde. She smiles in disbelief with so much awe because Kara did it. She actually made Morgana’s dream come true in this village she had started. Lena sighs thinking how hard it could have been for Kara without her by the blonde’s side. But Kara promised and the Kryptonian did it.

Kara glances towards her direction and Lena immediately hides behind the tree, not wanting to get caught. She stays hidden for a little bit longer. When she steps away from the tree to observe Kara again, the blonde wasn’t there. She sighs and turns around; ready to leave when someone startles her.

“Geeez, Princess! How long have you been there? You startled me!”

“I could say the same to you.” Kara puts her hands on her waist, frowning at Lena. “I can’t believe you caught up with me this time.”

“Well...” Lena starts to say but was cut off by Kara.

“Come on and meet the villagers. And don’t forget I’m _Kiera_ outside the castle” Kara reminds her as she walks back towards the kids.

 

* * *

 

“Hey you guys!! This is Lena, a dear friend of mine” Kara introduces Lena to the kids.

“Wow! You must be the one then, Miisssss Leeenaaa” Tammy says with a cute little voice as she tugs Lena’s clothes.

“What do you mean, Tammy?” Lena asks, picking up the little boy, carrying him in her arms.

And Kara has honestly no idea what Tammy is talking about. She could not think about it either because all she could see right now is Lena holding Tammy. And Rao, she’s good with kids. Kara remembers how Lena told her back in Daxam, the kids adored her too.

“We asked Kiera if she would ever bring someone to our village whenever she visits” Kenzie says, smirking at Kara. The blonde princess raises her eyebrow because she doesn’t remember that conversation.

“She said if she ever introduced someone to us, it would be her love. And that’s never gonna happen she said.” Tammy adds.

“But you’re here so you must be the one I guess”  Kenzie glaces from Lena then to Kara, giving them a teasing look.

“Kenzie!” Kara gulps. “I did not say that. Did I?”

“So you don’t like Miss Lena then?”

“of course I do!” Kara stops herself, surprise of what had just come out of her mouth. “What? I mean No.”

“No?” Lena asks Kara, raising an eyebrow, clearly teasing her.

“Yes. I mean No. Yes!” Kara says panicking. The kids are really a handful and what they are saying is making Kara all flustered. Lena is not helping either.

“Hmmm” Lena smirks. “What is it really, darling? Yes or No? Better make up your mind?”

“What? Lena!” Kara warns Lena to stop teasing because it’s encouraging the kids even more.

“Why are you so red, Kiera?” Tammy asks innocently, pointing at Kara’s face.

Lena laughs at this. Oh Rao, If Kara could die of embarrassment, she’d be dead by now.

“Yes You are!” Kenzi teases. “You’re blushing, Kiera!”

“No I’m not! You guys! Stop it!” Kara says, making a mess out of herself. “You know what, I think I need some water. I’m gonna get some water. “

Kara leaves but not before she hears Kenzi whispering to Lena. “ _don’t worry Miss Lena. She sure likes you”_

Oh Rao. Why are kids like this? And why is she such a mess around Lena? It’s just a joke the kids had made, right? So she shouldn’t be flustered or anything. She hates it that Lena had been making her feel these weird things lately. Why is she doing this? And Rao, that smirk. Kara hates that smirk and Lena uses it all the time.

 _Breathe, Kara. Breathe. Relax. It’s just Lena!_ – Kara tells herself like a broken record.

 

* * *

 

Since there is some sort of celebration in the village, there are some games being played. Kara and Lena had been joining some, both of them actually having fun. But there are times Lena and Kara would catch themselves staring at each other for a little too long.

Like when they played sack race, the pair jumping as high and as fast as they could together in one sack. It was fun until they both stumbled and fell on the ground. Kara lay on top of Lena, staring at those tantalizing eyes.

 _“_ Rao” Kara whispers. She realizes she had said her thoughts out loud and fakes a cough as she stands on her feet.

The last game on the other hand, Kara didn’t want to play.

“Oh no, I don’t” Kara says, stepping away from the mud as she shakes her head. “I’ve done my part running after those pigs last year. It’s your turn this year”

“Fine!” Lena rolls her eyes at Kara but grins as she turns around. “Watch and Learn, Princess.”

Kara stares at the carefree Lena in front of her running after the pig in the mud that none of the participants seemed to be able to do. Kara observes Lena laughing and enjoying herself. She doesn’t miss how from time to time; Lena looks up to glance at her. And every time she does, Kara makes sure to give her a wide smile, yelling from the side, cheering Lena’s name. Kara laughs as she sees Lena trip and fall on the mud. She realizes she likes seeing Lena that way. – _Happy._

The game ends when one of the participants finally catches the pig. Everyone was starting to leave and somehow Lena and Kara find themselves alone. Kara walks towards the muddy fenced cage where Lena is.

“Well, well. Don’t worry. You still look beautiful:” Kara teases, looking at Lena from head to toe, covered with mud.

“Don’t I?” Lena smirks, raising an eyebrow.

“AH. LENA!” Kara yelps as Lena pulls her into the mud. She wipes her muddy face and gives Lena a playful look. “Oh. It is so on!”

Kara runs after Lena, tackling her to the pool of mud. She covers Lena’s face with more mud as she laughs. When Lena was able to stand, she runs after Kara, wanting to have some payback. They play like little kids, throwing mud each other, not caring how dirty it was or how awful they look. For a moment there, Kara feels alive. She allows herself to laugh and laugh until her stomach hurt. This day was definitely something she wouldn’t forget.

 

* * *

 

Lena and Kara were on their way back to the castle. They had no time to shower since it was getting late. They probably still look disgusting but Lena doesn’t mind because she had seen Kara laugh. And it’s more than enough for her. Lena doesn’t mind the mud they are covered with because now, all she feels is Kara behind her. The blonde’s arms embracing Lena for safety as they ride Krypto.

“Lena?” Kara says, feeling safe behind Lena. Embracing Lena gives Kara a surreal feeling she couldn’t explain. She tells herself it’s for safety, so that she won’t fall down the horse. But if Kara could hold the knight like this forever, she would. – even if she doesn’t understand why.

“Why are you here? You said you miss people there, the friends you’ve loved. Why are you here?

“Because there are things I love more than the others” Lena replies, her voice as gentle as it could be. “Why I’m here is far more important than my life in Daxam, Princess.”

“Your duty, you mean? Is that why you stripped your title as a noble?”

 _You! I mean You, Kara. You are the one I value the most, the one I love the most_ – Lena wants to tell Kara but she doesn’t.

“Maybe. I don’t really know. All I know is the title never mattered to me. There’s always this urge in me to find a greater purpose, to help people anyway I can. To serve the people.”

Kara smiles at this. Of course, Lena would have that urge. It amazes her how strong Lena is, how Lena thinks about others before herself. Even if the knight doesn’t know it, Kara knows exactly how selfless the knight could be. Lena could have chosen not to work. She could have stayed rich and marry a rich prince or something but the knight chose to be more. Lena chose to prove to everyone that she didn’t need to be a man to be the best knight in Daxam. Lena showed everyone there she could do it. She had become someone little girls could look up to. – an inspiration. Someone everyone could admire because Kara is sure she does. She admires Lena for being this strong independent woman, for being simply… _her._

As they reach the back of the castle, Lena pulls Kara to the well, pouring some water unto them because they would have been mistaken for beggars with the way they looked. Lena cleans the dirt off Kara’s arms and the blonde just stood there, laying still. Lena cleans off the dirt on Kara’s face and the princess just lets her as Lena’s touch sends shivers through Kara’s spine.

They were soaking wet, laughing as they fight over the pale of water, having their own tug of war, They both trip fall on the ground. They lay there under the night sky, shivering as the cold breeze hits them but they couldn’t care less. It was one of those moments wherein you just have to let it be.

“Have you ever been in love, Lena?” Kara asks, her tone becoming more serious.

“Once. Just Once.” Lena smiles as she looks up at the stars above them. “You?”

Kara laughs. She just laughs, avoiding the question.

Her laughter slowly falters as they stare at each other’s eyes. Everything was going in slow motion for them. Lena traces Kara’s jaw that makes blonde’s heart beat erratically. Lena intertwines their fingers and she could feel the both of them shaking. Kara leans closer to Lena, cupping her cheeks, pulling the blond for a kiss.

Kara closes her eyes and as she was about to kiss Lena, she whispers one name. “Morgana”

She stops. The moment Kara realizes this, she opens her eyes and sees the hurt look in Lena's face who was just staring at her blankly. Kara lets go of the knight's hand as she stands and runs away.

 

* * *

 

_“I love you, Morgana. I promise you, it’ll only be you.”_

_“Kara, Don’t.”_

_“Why not? I love you. Don’t you want that?”_

_“Of course I do. But I don’t want you to be alone when something happens to me.”_

_“Don’t be silly, Morgana. Nothing will happen to you.”_

_“But what if something will? I want you to be happy, darling. Even if it’s not with me. I want you to be able to love someone else. So you can’t promise me that.”_

_“Well, I do. I love you so much, Morgana. I’m madly in love with you that I know it will always be you for me. Even if you don’t want it, I still promise you that._

_You’re the only one I love and will love, Morgana Pendragon.”_

_****_

* * *

 

“What’s wrong, Kiera?” Cat asks, looking at the very drunk princess in front of her.

“Le,Lena!” Kara stutters her words, scoffing. “Morgana!”

“Oh. You’ve finally caught up to that.”

Kara raises her eyebrow, confused of what Cat was trying to say.

“You know I see you both when you’re here, right? I can see you feel something for her, Kara. And I’m pretty sure she feels the same way.”

“No, I do not.” Kara laughs, drinking another glass of whiskey. “I.. I can’t”

“Kara, it’s been more than 8 years. It’s okay to allow yourself to move on. It’s okay to let your heart heal, Kara. Morgana would understand.” Cat assures Kara, squeezing her hand.

“Wait. You know Morgana? You called me..”

“Oh please.” Cat waves her hand off. “I knew the moment you stepped in here you were the princess. I’m not a fool, Kara”

 

* * *

 

Lena knows it’s really irrational to feel hurt and bitter when the person she loves couldn’t kiss her because she was still in love with someone else who was also her. What a complicated situation she is in that’s actually really just simple. She knows that. But what else can she do? Lena doesn’t even know if Kara actually has feelings for her. Maybe it’s just because she could see Morgana in Lena. Well Morgana is Lena after all.

As she carries a drunk and slightly passed out Kara over her shoulders, she bites off the sobs that are trying to escape. She can’t break down now. She can’t let her emotions control her. But still, she can’t help but feel the pain of Kara’s rejection, of the uncertainty of Kara’s feelings towards Lena and Morgana. It’s possible that Kara isn’t in love with Morgana anymore. It’s possible that Kara just thinks she is and actually just loves the idea of what Morgana and Kara had back then. Everything was just becoming too much of an emotional turmoil.

Even when Lena couldn’t remember, she knew she was missing something. – Someone. And those times she couldn’t remember, she had spent her time trying to figure it out along the way. All Lena ever did was love Kara.. And Rao, she really does.

She puts Kara on the blonde’s bed, putting a blanket on her.

“Mmmm. Morgana” Kara pulls Lena closer, smiling. Yep, she’s definitely wasted. “I love you, You know!”

“Kara.” Lena pulls away. “You’re drunk.”

“you’re perfect, Morgana.” Kara pokes Lena’s nose. She then pokes Lena’s chest word after word. “You, Morgana Pendragon, are the epitome of perfection.”

“You are the perfect girlfriend.” Kara scoffs. “I knew I loved you the moment I saw you. You were understanding, gentle, and kind. You gave me everything I could ask for. You’re the best, Morgana and I love you.”

Lena steps back as tears fall from her green eyes. She couldn’t take this. She can’t listen to this. Not as Lena and not even as Morgana. This is too much. Listening to this just makes her hate the world for doing this to Kara and her, for causing so much pain to Kara, for separating Lena away from her.

She was about to open the door when she pauses as she hears the drunk princess say her name. her as Lena.

“But Lena..” Kara chuckles, pointing her fingers at the air. “Lena has a lot of flaws. She is far from perfect.”

Lena wipes her tears as she listens to what Kara thinks of her. She was supposed to go already. She was leaving but somehow something tells her to stay in this room.

“She’s… annoying.” Kara rolls her eyes, giggling. “She’s short tempered. She makes my blood boil. Probably? And oh, she really is Boosssyyyyyyyy! She comes into my life thinking she could do anything! I could hate her…”

Okay, That’s it. Lena can’t hear this. She finally manages to open the door but what Kara says stopped her, making her heart beat abnormally fast.

“But still, I fall and fall for her every day” Kara giggles, squinting her eyes. “her flaws doesn’t even matter, Morgana. Because I still fall for her. I think I’m falling for her. Oh Rao, I love her. I love her, Morgana.”

 

Lena turns around, sitting beside Kara as she hears the blonde’s giggles turn into sobs.

“Kara” Lena whispers, wondering why the blonde is crying all of a sudden. It could be the whiskey talking.

“And I’m so sorry, Morgana” Kara whimpers in Lena’s arms as the knight pulls her in a tight embrace. “I’m so sorry for loving someone else. I didn’t think I would. But I do.”

“Shhhh. It’s okay, Kara” Lena rubs Kara’s back, soothing the blonde. “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not.” Kara sobs, shaking her head as she disagrees. “I’m… I was supposed to only love you and now…”

“ I’m so sorry… sorry… I… I…I’m so so sorry.” Kara adds, continuing to cry in Lena’s arms, struggling to breathe.

 

* * *

 

 

Post 2x18 

<http://archiveofourown.org/works/10725999>

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't supposed to write a new chapter but damn 2x18 had me shook I cant move on. I cant believe a lot of headcanons became canon. (Mmasjhfgahjdfgahba Supercorp promising to each other is actually canon!! 
> 
> Anyways hope you guys enjoy this chapter because the plot's gonna escalate from here. and are the flash backs okay? hope it's not confusing or anything.
> 
> Not supposed to write this week bcs i would be kinda busy but ill try my best to update sooner i probably will if there are thoughts lining up in my head already


	11. could have been

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh did I mention, slow burn?

Kara wakes up with a massive hangover, puffy eyes, and a vague memory of last night. Was it a dream? Did she hallucinate _Morgna_? Or rao, was it Lena?

Kara starts to panic at the idea of her drunk self spilling her feelings for Lena. _Feelings._ Her heart skips a beat, letting the realization of how she feels about the knight really sink in. She has to find Alex and ask her about this. She needs to talk to her sister. Alex is the only one who really understands the magnitude of Kara’s love for _Morgana_. And now, as Kara falls for someone else, the blonde princess needed to hear what her sister thinks.

Kara searches for Alex, thinking how to explain everything to her. Where would she even start? The first day Kara and Lena met? Their daily banters? Or should she start on that night at the tower? But how can she explain to Alex the nights – that neither of them speak of the next morning – she and Lena often have? Kara doesn’t really know where to start because frankly, she doesn’t even know when she started falling for her knight.

It just… _happened._

It was different from the love she had with _Morgana_. The moment Kara and _Morgana_ met, the princess knew she would love that girl. Kara knew she’d fall madly in love with _Morgana._ It was love at first sight. She felt it in a blink of an eye. It was beautiful and epic. It was everything anyone could have ever wanted. It was perfect. It was Kara’s first love.

But with Lena, it’s like the total opposite of what she had with _Morgana_. She never thought she’d be friends with Lena – someone who served as a constant reminder of she had lost – let alone have feelings for her. It didn’t happen in a snap of a finger. With Lena, it was more like a collection of little somethings, of little moments that turned into this huge inevitable feeling in Kara’s heart.  She realized that it happened every day;

_that it is still happening._

 

“James” Kara says, smiling at her friend, trying so badly not to have a mental break down because rao, she had never felt something like this for a long time. It’s like learning how to walk again. “Is Alex inside?” Kara asks, gesturing her head to the door.

James nods, a little bit worried for how Kara is fidgeting. “Is everything alright, Kara?”

Kara doesn’t answer. Instead, she paces outside the door of the throne room, nervous about what Alex would say, her mind going through a hundreds of _what if’s._

_What if Morgana hates me?_

_What if she’d be disappointed or worse… hurt?_

_What if Lena doesn’t feel the same way?_

_What if she finally realizes what kind of a person I am and decides I’m not worth it?_

_What if… what if she’ll leave? Like the rest of them?_

 

Her last _what if thought_ is the one that scares her the most because she doesn’t know if she could take one more person leaving her. She doesn’t know if she’d survive finally opening herself up to someone only for her to leave in the end – just like everyone did.

Kara finally stops pacing, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves before entering the room.

 

****

 

“No, Alex! This is not up for a discussion!” King Jerimiah insists, looking more and more frustrated with every word that comes out of his lips.

“But Dad!” Alex potests.

“We’ve talked about this before. You’ve even agreed years ago.”

Actually, they all look frustrated. Alex looks like someone just stabbed a knife in her gut. Eliza looks hopeless and guilty, like she just killed an innocent puppy with her bare hands. It’s safe to say that the three of them have been yelling at each other, arguing for a long time.

They haven’t even noticed Kara standing there for quite a long time, listening to them discussing this unfair matter Alex has to participate in.

This was it. This was the time they all knew was coming all along. Kara knew the alliance with the Daxamites didn’t come for free. To solidify the alliance, a marriage must happen. Everyone knew it’s a symbol of the merger of two kingdoms.

 

“Your father’s right, honey.” Eliza says, wishing the situation was different. “You did agree before.”

“I wasn’t in love before!” Alex spits out as tears fall from her eyes, begging for her freedom, begging for her love, begging for… _Maggie._ “I– I love someone mom. Finally, I know what I truly want, who I truly want.”

“I’ll do it” Kara whispers, hurting for the way her sister is hurting. Suddenly, she forgot what she came here to do because all she really sees right now is Alex. – Alex being forced to stop feeling what Kara had felt with _Morgana_ , with Lena too maybe. And Kara wasn’t going to let that happen especially when Alex’ words echo in her mind

_I don’t think I can take it without her, Kara_

_I don’t think I can take it without her, Kara_

_I don’t think I can take it without her, Kara_

Right there and then, Kara vows Alex wouldn’t have to.

 

“Alex, don’t you think I don’t want that for my child?” King Jeremiah asks, trying to stop himself from crying. “I want that. I want you to have everything, Alex. The world! But we have a kingdom to think about, people to protect. It’s the path we chose!”

 “I didn’t choose this!” Alex spats.

Kara can’t help but flinch, clenching her jaw, because yes, Alex is right. She tries to stop the tears from forming in her eyes, feeling disgusted with herself. She couldn’t help but feel her throat burn at the pain she’s feeling right now like she just took a thousand shots because Alex is right.

Alex did not choose this. When Kara refused to take the kingdom, she basically forced the Danvers to step in. Once again, Alex’ pain is on her.

“I’ll do it” Kara whispers once more.

“Alex, it is set! The Prince of Daxam had arrived in the castle and you will meet him in dinner!”

“Father! I do–“

“I’ll do it!” Kara says a little bit louder, finally catching the attention of her adoptive family.

All eyes turn on her. She could see everyone was surprised she was there and even more taken aback by what she had said.

“What?” It’s Alex who breaks the silence first, glaring at Kara as she shakes her head. “No you’re not, Kara.”

“I said I’ll do it, Alex” Kara insists, trying to sound as firm as she could be, not expecting her voice to sound as broken as she utters the words. She looks at Jeremiah, making sure her eyes convey how serious she is.  “I’ll marry the prince. For real this time” Kara adds before leaving the room, locking her fate.

 

“Kara!” Alex runs after Kara, stopping her along the halls. “You can’t do this.”

“Alex” Kara scoffs, trying to hide the whirlwind of emotions she’s feeling right now. “I’ve been engaged before. It’s no biggie. Don’t you love Maggie?”

“But… But Lena.”

Kara laughs when all she really wants is to break down and cry because once again, fate had it bad for her. “What about her? Don’t tell me you think I care about her?” She says, trying to pull the face she had mastered for so many years. – the face of someone who didn’t care.

“I thought…”

“Well you thought wrong, Alex” Kara raises her arm, stopping Alex before her sister could finish what she was trying to say. “You know I would never care for someone again. Not after Morgana. So marrying someone is not a big deal for me.”

Whatever Kara’s face portrayed, it was believable enough that Alex hugs her. Her sister pulls her for a tight embrace. Kara swallows the sobs, taking a deep breath as she hopes for Alex to let go of her because this isn’t making it any better. She doesn’t know how much longer she could pretend in front of her sister.

“Thank you, Kara” Alex whispers, pulling away as her face lights up. “You’re my savior, sis.”

"Anytime, alex" kara whispers "anytime"

 

The smile on Alex’ face is enough for Kara to know that what she’s doing is the right thing to do. For the past eight years, Kara’s life has been darkness but there was always this reflection of light. – That was Alex. Alex has been Kara’s light, reminding her and pulling her back whenever she would almost reach the point of no return. She had told herself before that she’d do anything for Alex.

And this was it.

She just didn’t think it would feel like this. – unfair. Because just when she had finally felt something for the first time in a long time, just when there was hope that things could be different for her, just when she let herself imagine being happy and feel love again, of course fate had other plans for her.

It was foolish for her to think otherwise.

 

* * *

 

 

Lena observes Kara intensely. The princess is awfully quiet and seems lost in her own thoughts. After everything Lena had heard last night, Kara being so torn and guilty about loving someone else when it’s the same person all along, she couldn’t lie to Kara anymore. She just can’t.

Knowing how the princess feels for her, it was a surreal feeling to experience. It still is. It still feels like the first time Kara had said _I love you_ to her as Morgana. It feels everything to Lena and she couldn’t take it if her lying to Kara would break everything that’s happening between them.

She is going to tell Kara the truth. Then she’s going to tell her how much she loves Kara, how much her heart aches for the blonde. – That even without her memory, her heart remembered. It’s always going to find its way back to Kara.

“I have to tell you something.” Lena says, sitting right in front of Kara in the library. “Kar–“

Kara closes the book she was reading with a loud sound, cutting Lena off. “I’m marrying the prince” She says, avoiding those green eyes as she stands and turns her back at Lena, pretending to find another book on the cabinet.

“What?” Lena almost yells, taken aback by this, feeling like Kara had just shot her in the head and magically resurrected her only to shoot her again. “You’re not… You... You can’t”

Hearing how Lena’s voice trembles, how her tone sounds like pleading, Kara takes a deep breath, wanting to run into Lena’s arms. – almost running into Lena’s arms because Lena doesn’t deserve this. Lena doesn’t deserve to be put in this situation and Kara adds another reason on her list of why she hates herself.

Lena starts to panic because this can’t be happening. Not when Kara had finally let her in. Not when she now has the chance to help Kara remember what it’s like to love… _to be loved._

Not when she’s falling more and more in love with Kara.

“You can’t Kara. Just…” Lena says, trying to think of something to make Kara listen, to make Kara change her mind. Maybe the truth would. “Just please. Look at me.”

Kara hesitates but slowly turns to look at Lena. And the moment she does, she knows exactly that it’s a big mistake. Seeing Lena so terrified with tears stained eyes makes Kara want to vomit. She closes her eyes and turns her back once more as she leans on the cabinet, trying to balance herself. Kara couldn’t look at Lena. Because if she did, she knows she’d give in to the knight and she couldn’t do that to Alex.

“Kara, i...  I lo–“ Lena says, trembling and cursing fate for robbing the chance away from them. _Once again._

“Lena Don’t.” Kara sighs, not bothering to look at the knight as she fights every urge of her body to cry. “Please. Don’t make this any harder for me. Please.”

Kara knows what Lena was trying to say. But she can’t hear those three words. Not when it wouldn’t matter. Not when she couldn’t be with her. Lena shouldn’t say those words. And neither should she.

“You’re…”  Lena lets out a chuckle wryly as tears continue to flow. Rao, she couldn’t believe this is happening. This is so unfair! Why is life always unfair to them? To Kara most especially?

“You’re _reaaalllyyyyyy_ good at not letting people love you, princess” Lena adds with no bitterness in her voice. No hatred or resentment. Just pure sadness, hopelessness, and understanding.

Because though it’s unfair, Lena understands. Lena understands what’s happening. She couldn’t blame or hate Kara for putting Alex first, for sacrificing her heart’s desire because this is her. This is _her_ Kara. – the one who cared enough about everyone else to prioritize them over herself.

Lena understands this version of Kara too well. She wouldn’t be Kara if she didn’t do this. It’s one of the many qualities of Kara that Lena loves. She understands so despite wanting to tell her everything a few moments ago, she keeps her silence instead. She understands but that doesn’t mean she’s okay with it. Because no matter how you twist and turn everything, it will still sting. It will still hurt.

Lena finds herself wishing that Kara would let herself be happy for once. She finds herself wishing Kara would stop trying to save everyone else. Kara is too wrapped up in saving everybody that she fails to recognize that she too, needs saving. Lena thinks maybe Kara even needs it more than the others.

Lena wishes Kara would understand that it’s okay. – It’s okay if she saves herself first. 

 

_You’re reaaalllyyyyyy good at not letting people love you, princess_

And with Lena’s uttered words, tears finally escape her eyes unbeknownst to the knight. Even without looking, Kara knows Lena was tearing up. And truth in Lena’s words pricks Kara’s heart.

It was true. She really is good at not letting people love her. She never cared about someone that much to let him/her. Not until now. Not until Lena. And she is ready to let her. She **_was_** ready.

Wiping her tear stained face subtly, Kara walks away from Lena, feeling like she just walked away from the person who could have loved her and given her the moon and the stars if she asked.

 _Morgana_ was Kara’s _what if_. But Lena… she’s her biggest _could have been._

It doesn’t matter anyway. Whatever is going on between them… It’s all over before it even started.

 

* * *

 

It was a feast she particularly didnt want to attend but had to. Well, especially since everything is set – up for her and her fiancée. King Jeremiah and Queen Eliza – together with the King and Queen of Daxam – had announced the alliance of the two kingdoms, together with it; the marriage of Kara Zor-El Danvers and Mon-El of Daxam. Everyone clapped and celebrated at this announcement. Everyone but the two people, sitting right beside each other.

Despite being unhappy about it, Kara still put on a good show for everyone. She didn’t act happy and excited. That’s just not her. She just acted like it wasn’t’ a big deal to her, like she didn’t care. It’s how she had always acted anyway.

“Mon-El” The princes whispers, leaning over to as he extends a hand to Kara, introducing himself.

Kara stares at him, her gaze traveling to the hand. She looks at Mon-El again, laughing wryly as she shakes her head, not bothering to speak to the prince as she continues eating.

Mon-el closes his palm, getting the message Kara is trying to say. “You eat a lot of food, don’t you?”

Kara stops the spoon midway to her mouth. She sets it down and glares at that prince. “I don’t like you!”

“Well neither do I!”

Kara and Mon-El stare at each other intensely for a while, not backing down and surrendering to the other. There was something that passes right through their eyes. – understanding.

Understanding that they were both put in a situation they had no control. After a moment of realization, Kara started to laugh and Mon-el followed after.

“Friends?” Mon-El smiles, extending his hand once again to Kara.

“Friends.” Kara takes it, squeezing it as hard as she can.

“Owww” Mon-el complains, pulling his hand back. “Such a show off, Ms. Danvers.”

Kara laughs and fakes a hurt gesture. “But really tho? You don’t like me?”

“of course I like you as a friend. But not like that. Even if you beg for it.” Mon-El teases Kara as he laughs. “Plus, I wouldn’t want to date my sister’s – well, not my sister but a friend I consider one – biggest crush.”

“What do you mean?” Kara frowns, her eyebrow arching up.

“Well duh! I mean Lena.” Mon-El says like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I figured that’s why she’s here. You know, I tried to hit on her once. I didn’t believe she was gay until I saw all her sketches of you. I actually thought it was no one. Just her dreams, until I saw you tonight. I must say Lena is a talented artist but rao, those drawings didn’t do you justice. You’re-“

“Wait. What?” Kara stops Mon-el. Rao, this guy could be her twin. Like her, He just couldn’t stop talking once his rambling starts. Kara’s smile turns upside. She frowns, her crinkle appearing as she gets more confused at what her new found friend is talking about.

“What do you mean sketches of me?”

“Oh shit. You didn’t know. Ummm.” Mon-El laughs nervously. “Uh. I think you weren’t supposed to know that. Just forget about it. Dammit I talk too much!”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, i don't know how this will do. I feel like my exams affected my writing. wish it didn't. It's stress. Anyways hope this chapter was still okay for you goize tho. :)
> 
> If ur worried, don't be
> 
> I really loved the comic relief Mon-El brought to SG last episode. Seriously, they wasted so much potential. Kara and Mon-EL would have been THE brotp. SG could have been so much better with that.


	12. Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> theres a sneak peak of a conversation at the very end  
> hope u enjoy :)

 

Prince Mon-El of Daxam.

Kara thought she would hate the guy. Well, she didn’t really particularly care about her past fiancées before but now it’s different. Before, she had no one to lose. Now…

Well, she can’t really say she had Lena to lose because Lena was never hers at the first place. That’s the bitter truth Kara had to swallow.

Kara thought she would hate Mon-El, despise him. She never thought it’d be the total opposite.

Kara nods her head as Mon-El spots her from a distance. She smiles to herself because yes, the prince may appear to be a womanizer. He may be annoying at time. He can be egocentric too.

But there’s something about him Kara sees that the others don’t. – That the others can’t. Kara knows the face of pain too well. She knows the face of suffering when she sees one. And that right there – the one the prince has – is the reflection of it. After all, it takes one to know one.

“Kara” Mon-El says, walking up to the princess, smirking.

Even though they’ve only known each other for a short time, Kara and Mon-El had started to form this bond. – This friendship. And Kara was thankful for it. She had always wanted a brother. For awhile, it was Clark for her. But then he left, leaving Kara lost and broken.

Then there’s Mon-El and Kara feels this connection with him just like she did with Clark. She really likes Mon-El and loves him like a friend, a brother. Maybe because the prince is really fun to hang out with and Kara feels he genuinely cares about her. But it’s also because of Lena. Lena protected the prince for awhile. Because of this, the two had somehow become like siblings. Not the cute one but the Tom and Jerry kind. They’d always fight and annoy each other but at the end of the day, they would be there for each other.

“I see you’ve acquainted yourself with the girls in this palace?” Kara teases, gesturing her head to the women Mon-El just left few minutes ago.

“Hmm is that jealousy I hear, my dear fiancée?” Mon-El teases Kara, putting his arm around her shoulders as they walk. “Don’t fret. My heart only belongs to one.”

“What an unlucky woman” Kara nudges the prince, laughing.

Mon-El’s smile fades for a few seconds. If it was anyone else, it could have gone unnoticed. But it was Kara and she could see the glimpse of pain Kara recognized too well on the prince’s face.

“So who was it?” Kara smiles sadly, knowing too well how hard it is to talk about feelings. She wasn’t going to push if the prince didn’t want to share.

“Her name is Gwen.” Mon-El sighs, finding it hard to speak. “It wasn’t complicated or anything. I loved her. She said she did love me too but cheated with another prince and fell in love with him. End of story.”

Mon-El’s story may be different with Kara’s but the princess knew pain is still pain. Kara stares right at Mon-El’s eye, understanding the prince even more. She could see the pain of losing someone in his eyes. – A subject matter Kara is fluent at.

“It’s her loss, Mon-El” Kara pulls him for an embrace. “She doesn’t know what she’s missing.”

Kara kinda feels bad because she knows why Mon-El is being like this. The guy loved someone so deeply and she just broke his heart. No wonder Mon-El doesn’t really bother finding the right person for him. He had been too hurt to believe in love.

Kara shakes her head, sighing at how hypocritical her thoughts are considering she’s just like him. Months ago, she would have never thought she’d be in this situation. She never even thought of feeling the slightest ounce of care for someone ever again.

No until Lena came along.

“Easy there, tiger. If you wanted to molest me, you should have just said so.” Mon-El jokes, trying to lighten the mood.

“But thank you, Kar.” He adds as the princess lets go of him, laughing as she nudges his shoulder.

However, Kara’s laughter falters. Her smile slowly fades away as she sees the Lena and Lex training from a distance. The prince doesn’t fail to notice this.  He turns to look at what had caused this reaction of Kara.

“Ahh, I see.” Mon-El says, staring at Lena. He kinda feels like Lena just glared at him. He could be wrong though. “Have you talked to her?”

Kara shakes her head, sighing. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“Are you… Are you sure that was me in her drawings?” Kara adds, wondering how Lena could have drawn her if they haven’t met yet at the first place. “I just really don’t get it.”

“I think you should ask her about it, Kara. I just saw the sketches in her room.” Mon-El says, gesturing his head towards Lena’s direction. He shakes her head, exasperated. “ Rao! Me and my big mouth. I’m pretty sure she’d kill me after.”

“Oh, She’ll kill you” Kara teases Mon-El, laughing. She could imagine Lena running to Mon-El’s room, yelling at him. Oh, even her, she didn’t want to witness a mad Lena. “Mon-El?” She adds.

“Hhmm?” The prince to turns to look at Kara, arching his brow, curious what’s in Kara’s mind.

“Do you…” Kara says, her voice shaking as she looks down at her hands, fidgeting. “Do you think she likes me too?”

“Who? Lena?!” Mon-El chuckles. He couldn’t believe how Kara’s voice sounded so hopeless, so terrified that what she felt was one sided. –Like it was even possible not to like Kara. Mon-El could see the fear in blonde’s eyes. Oh Rao, Could Kara be more oblivious? “Kara, please. That woman dropped everything in Daxam to be here. Why do you even think she’s here?’

Kara looks up and sees the honesty in Mon-El’s eyes. Yet it still doesn’t assure her. Just because Mon-El believes it, doesn’t mean it’s true. She kinda hopes it is but at the same time, she wishes it wasn’t too.

Because Kara doesn’t even know what’s worse; Knowing Lena doesn’t even love her back? Or  knowing Lena loves her as much yet they couldn’t even be together.

 

* * *

 

 

“Come on, Lena. Concentrate!” Lex says, trying to encourage her little sister as she loses grip on her sword for the nth time already.

“I can’t.” Lena sighs, staring at Kara and Mon-El from a distance. “ I’m sorry Lex but can we do this another time? I have a lot in my mind and-“

“Stop thinking about her.” Lex interrupts. Of course Lex knew Lena was thinking about Kara. What shocked Lena is the tone Lex is using right now. “It’s a different situation now, Lena. You can’t”

“I know, Lex I..”

“No, Lena! Stay away from her. You hear me/?” Lex insists as he starts to walk away. “She’ll drag you down with you. You have to protect yourself.”

“What?” Lena asks, not understanding what her brother is saying. Lex wasn’t really making any sense. One minute he was teasing about his little sister’s feelings for Kara then telling her to stay away the next.

“Lex! What do you mean? Lex!” Lena shouts. It was no use though. Lex was far gone. He didn’t probably even hear Lena.

 

* * *

 

“aggggh.” Mon-El yells in pain as someone strangles him to the wall.

“Really Mon-El? What are you doing here?!” Lena pins Mon-El to the wall as he finds the man alone in Kara’s room. She was so over Kara trying to avoid her. She can’t just pretend not to be friends again with Kara. So she went to talk to the blonde only to find the prince here, her mind obviously went into overprotective mode. Lena may be friends with him but he’s still not off her suspect list of people who might be here to kill Kara.

“Le-Let me go.”

“Again, what are you doing here? Where’s Kara?” Lena repeats, realizing his grip on Mon-El’s neck.

“Well , nice to see you too again, Lena. I see you’re still dramatic as ever” The prince teases Lena, rolling his eyes. “anyways, I came here to tell her Alex is looking for her.”

“oh okay. I’ll tell her. You should go.”

Mon-el starts to leave but hesitates seeing Lena’s cold expression towards him. He hates that he’s gonna marry the one person Lena has feelings for.

“I’m sorry, Lena.” Mon-El says, turning to face Lena again, “I want you to know I would never stand between you and Kara if I have the choice. I know you really like her and all. I mean who wouldn’t, right?  Well, Kara is oblivious to the fact that you like her but I totally said she shouldn’t worry about it. All your sketches of her are proof enough. She really –“

“Wait! What?” Lena stops Mon-el’s rambling. “What the hell did you just say? Did you just say sketches??”

“uh, yeah. Didn’t Kara talk to you about it?” Mon-El frowns, not getting what the big deal is.

“Agggh! I can’t believe you told her about those Mon-El! Please tell me you didn’t tell her! Do you want me to choke you again?!” Lena yells at him, panicking about what Kara knows.

“I did. I don’t get what the big deal is. Lena you like her. She likes you back.”

“ugh mon-el!” Lena brings her hands to her head, clearly frustrated about this whole situation. “You cannot just tell her that! You can’t just tell Kara that! She wasn’t supposed to know!”

Kara knowing about the sketches would bring up too many questions. First of all, Kara could think it’s creepy. Second, how could Lena possibly draw her when Kara and Lena supposedly hadn’t met yet.

Lena was too busy panicking that she didn’t notice a certain blonde enter the room.

“Tell me what?” Kara asks, looking at a confused Mon-El and annoyed Lena.

 

****

Lena doesn’t answer and Kara could see the panic in the knight’s eyes. “Could you give us a moment alone?” Kara asks, turning to Mon-El as she asks for him leave.

When Mon-El was finally gone, Kara takes a few steps closer Lena.

“Tell me what, Lena?” She asks again with a firm voice, wanting the truth this time. She always had this feeling the knight was hiding something from her and she needed to know it. “What can’t I know, Lena?”

“Kara…” Lena says, thinking of ways how she could get herself out of this. “I…Mon-El is just.. It’s not-“

“No!” Kara cuts Lena off, shaking her head in frustration. “Don’t you dare lie to me, Lena. I know you’re keeping something from me. Is this about the drawings?”

For a moment, Lena considers spilling everything out right there and then. But what would that cause? It would only cause Kara more pain. It would only cause this whole situation to turn into a total mess. It would cause everything but good.

“You’re right.” Lena sighs, deciding to tell Kara a part of the truth. “Someone is trying to kill you. Someone here in the castle. I stole those sketches from the other knights. I didn’t know them but I’m here to protect you, princess.”

 “that’s not new, Lena. Ever since I was young that was always a threat.” Kara says, taking a few steps back. She turns her back from Lena to go to the corner where the glass of water is. She can’t help but feel disappointed that Lena wasn’t the one drawing those sketches. Maybe she’s wrong about Lena’s feelings for her.

“I know. I’ve been doing everything I can. Investigating, asking around and all. Like I said, I’m here to protect you, Kara.”

“Well, stop! Stop doing that, Lena!” Kara says, looking straight right into those tantalizing green eyes. “Stop poking around. It’s just all talk and even if it’s not I want you to stop!”

“What?” Lena scoffs, not believing what the princess is asking her to do. “Incase you forgot Kara, that’s my job. That’s what I’m here for.”

“Then you’re fired!”

Lena lets out a laugh. She can’t believe Kara is even being childish right now. “you can’t do that, remember?”

“I can when I agreed to marry the Prince of Daxam.” Kara states, looking at Lena with a cold expression. She takes a few steps closer and the tension in the room even intensifies. “and I’m telling you, Lena. The king will fire you. So you might as well leave.”

“I’ll still protect you.” Lena says without blinking, without hesitation. Because no matter what, she will always protect Kara. “Do what you want, Kara. But I’ll still protect you.”

“but-” Kara says, looking down at her hands, not bothering to look at the knight. “But why?”

“You know why” Lena closes the gap between them, taking Kara’s hand and putting it on top of Lena’s heart.

Kara’s hand starts to shake. She could feel Lena’s heart beat and her own is beating erratically fast as well. She could feel her knees are getting weaker and weaker by the minute. She doesn’t look up to stare at Lena. She just couldn’t handle being this close to Lena and looking at those eyes at the same time.

“You know why, Kara. But you asked me not to make it any harder for you right?”

And she does. Kara knows it’s _probably_ because Lena loves her. Love is a strong word. Maybe have feelings for instead? Kara’s heart ache at the thought of Lena having feelings for her. She remembers the conversation she had with Lena in the library. She was so sure Lena would have said _I love you_ to her if she only let her.

“No, you can’t!” Kara pulls her hand away. “You can’t keep poking around. What if the person trying to kill me finds out that you know? What if the threat is real?!”

“The more reason why I should keep digging”

“No!”

“What? Why not?” Lena asks, getting more frustrated about this whole conversation they are having. It isn’t something that really needs discussion. This is simple and she doesn’t understand why Kara is so stubborn about it.

“because-“ Kara says, taking a few steps back and turning her back from Lena. “Because I can’t do this again.”

She walks towards her table, needing the space and some drink for all the familiar emotions that she’s feeling all at once right at this very moment.

“I… I can’t go through this again.” Kara sighs, shaking her head as she clenches her jaw. “I can’t be in a situation where I could lose someone again.”

“Kara…” Lena is taken aback by this. She doesn’t even know what to say. Her heart stings because she knows fully well that this is Kara’s issue. The fear of abandonment couldn’t be clearer now in her than ever.

“I can’t…” Kara turns to look right at Lena’s eyes again. She takes a deep breath, closing the gap between them once more. “I can’t lose one more person in my life, Lena.” She whispers, her voice as gentle as it could be. It sounds so broken… So damaged.

What Kara really wants to say it she can’t lose Lena too. When she talked about firing Lena, it didn’t even matter to her then that Lena could go back to Daxam and be away from her. As long as Lena lives, she’s okay with it.

With Lena poking around, she could actually find the person trying to kill her. But what terrifies Kara is that she actually finds this person and gets herself in trouble for it. What if something happens to Lena because of this? She could never forgive herself for it.

She had lost _Morgana._ She had failed her. Kara wasn’t going to do that to Lena.  She can’t lose Lena too.

“Karaa…” Lena says, taking Kara’s hand, squeezing it for assurance.

“No.” Kara says, looking at Lena with those puupy dog eyes. “Please, Lena. Tell me you’ll stop. Just please. I… I need you… I need you to stop.”

“Okay.” Lena says, knowing too well what Kara needs. Of course she wasn’t going to but Kara needed to hear that. The way the blonde’s voice broke as Kara pleaded,

“Okay?” Kara repeats, not contented with that one word.

Lena cups Kara’s cheek, looking at those piercing blue eyes that are locked on her. “Okay.” Lena smilrs before kissing Kara on the forehead, assuring her once more that everything will be better somehow. It has to be.

Kara’s heart jumped when Lena kisses her forehead as she squeezes her hand. Right there and then, she really wanted to kiss the knight. She almost had.

But she doesn’t so she settles for an embrace.

“Okay” Kara whispers, pulling Lena in her arms.

 

* * *

 

 

"what's taking you so long?!"

"it's not that easy to kill her, you know. She is actually a good person. She doesn't deserve it."

"Aw, don't tell me youre going soft on her? Are you forgetting what's at stake here?"

"No, of course not! I hate myself for having to kill but I'm still doing it. Even if I don't want to. So No, I'm not forgetting what's at stake!"

"then do it already!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey fam. Thanks for the comments! Tbh during the first few chapters, i really thought this fic wasn't a good idea to begin with being a crossover and all but then i read your comments in the latter chapters, and im really glad you guys liked it. thank you so much!
> 
> Sorry for those who thought Kara would finally know the truth. Nope. I had another scene in mind for that. I think she'll find out soon.
> 
> The last part tho hmm who do u think it is


	13. Please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Suicidal thoughts (sort of?)
> 
> Last two angsty chapters before...

There’s something about this day Lena couldn’t put a finger on. Something was quite off about today. She couldn’t shake this bad feeling off deep in her gut. She doesn’t exactly know why but she just really feels anxious. She feels scared. She feels… _off._

So the first thing she does is see the one person that could shake all her worries away. – Kara.

Lena walks in Kara’s room, unannounced. She knows she should probably knock but she didn’t want to disturb the blonde if ever the princess is still asleep. And she was right.

Lena takes a sit beside Kara on her bed, smiling, her worries all fading away. Kara – especially when asleep – is a sight to behold. Lena tucks a few loose strands of hair behind Kara’s ear. Kara still hadn’t changed that much – when it comes to sleeping at least – after all these years. Kara would still pout and wrinkle her nose that makes her so adorably cute.

Lena looks at Kara for a little longer, smiling at the sight of the love of her life, asleep and looking so peaceful. Seeing Kara like that gives Lena a sense of security she needed this morning. Her smile fades slowly as reality hits her.

She wishes she could spend mornings like this with Kara. – right by her side. She wishes she could wake up next to the princess showing her how much she loves the blonde. She wishes the last thing she sees before she closes her eyes and the first thing she sees the moment she opens them is Kara. She wishes her day ends and starts with Kara.

Lena wishes a lot of mornings like this with Kara. She wishes a lot of things with Kara. But that’s all they’re gonna be. – Just hopes and dreams that couldn’t happen now.

 

“Mmmmm” Kara groans squinting her eyes. She tries to open them a little bit, avoiding the rays of sunlight passing through her window. “Lena?”

“I– I’m sorry, Princess. I didn’t mean to wake you up” Lena says, apologizing as she stands up, ready to leave. “I should go.”

“Please stay.” Kara says, pulling Lena back to her bed, with her eyes still closed. “Just… Just lay here with me?”

Lena’s heart skips a beat at Kara’s request. She really shouldn’t. This – whatever this is – it would just complicate things even more between them.

Kara made it clear with Lena that she is marrying Prince Mon-El. She even asked Lena not to say those _three words_. At first Kara did try to avoid her. But Lena didn’t want that. After they talked however, after Kara told Lena to stop poking around, nothing much had really changed between them.

Yes, Kara is engaged with Mon-El but they still act like…. _This._ – Neither of them not really knowing what _this_ is.

Lena sighs, getting on the bed right beside Kara, pulling the blanket on top of her. Despite her eyes closed, Kara could still feel Lena lying down beside her, widening her sleepy smile on her face.

“Sleep.” Kara whispers, yawning. “Five more minutes.”

Faced to faced with the princess, Lena smiles, shaking her head as she puts her arm on Kara’s waist. Of course, it wouldn’t be just five minutes. Kara has always been a heavy sleeper. Her five more minutes is never just five more minutes.

Kara falls back to sleep but Lena doesn’t. She just lay there, looking at a sleeping Kara as she smiles and traces the blonde’s jaw. She’s really tempted to just lean closer and feel those lips again. But she doesn’t. Even if their faces are just inches away from each other, Lena would never take the consent away from Kara.

“Good morning” Kara says with her eyes still closed, giving Lena the widest and cutest smile the knight has ever seen.

Lena laughs, shaking her head at how cute Kara is. “Good morning, beautiful” She says, poking Kara’s nose and pinching it.

Kara frowns, wrinkling her nose. “How long?”

“Definitely not five minutes, princess.” Lena teases, tracing Kara’s jaw. “An hour and a half.”

Kara slowly opens her eyes, locking gaze with Lena’s. She could feel Goosebumps  all over her body because of Lena’s touch. Lena holds her palm, tracing it. She then intertwines their fingers as her free hand traces Kara’s face, her thumb touching the blonde’s lips.

They both relish in this moment for a little bit. Just laying there and getting lost in each other’s gaze. Their heart beats thumping so loud they probably can hear them both. After a little while, Kara rests her forehead on Lena’s, cupping her cheek.

Kara takes a deep breath, not wanting this moment to end. “We should go” Kara says, getting up from the bed.

Lena feels like shouting and crying – just letting it all out – because she knows Kara wants this too. She knows. She could see the dilemma in the blonde’s eyes.

_But we can’t always have what we want, can we?_

 

* * *

 

 

Kara thought it was just her typical nightmare until she realized there was no memory of the past that followed right after the darknes. This – right now – is just darkness.

Kara’s throat closes. The air couldn’t go in or out. Nothing was filling her lungs. Her chest feels compacted and no matter how hard she tries, she couldn’t draw a breath out of her lungs.

Panic surges through her. She tries to move but couldn’t. Something is stopping her. _Someone_ is stopping her. She starts to feel her anxiety worsening as she tries to gasp for air.

_But Nothing. Nothing. Nothing._

Darkness is all there is.

Kara keeps on moving – punching and kicking – trying to fight.

But she feels this familiar feeling. – The feeling of death. And her mind takes her back to the memory of the moment she felt something similar as this.

 

***

_Kara is on her way to Camelot. She wanted to visit Morgana’s grave. It doesn’t matter if Morgana’s body wasn’t in it. She needed to grieve. She needed to pay her respects to the girl she loves after years of avoiding it._

_She is on her way to the Kingdom she knows she is not welcomed in anymore when a group of knights recognized her. Kara tries to run but the knights still catch up and capture her._

_Instead of putting her in prison like they did to Camelot’s people caught in Krypton, they lead Kara at the back of the Castle where no one could hear her._

_“I don’t care if you are a girl. You killed our queen!” A knight says, grabbing Kara’s hair, pushing the Kryptonian’s head in a drum of water._

_Kara groans in pain, the water filling her lungs. She couldn’t breathe. She gasps for air as the knight pulls her back._

_“You killed our brothers and sisters!” The knight says, grabbing Kara by the neck as he drowns Kara in the drum of water again._

_The knight pulls her head back. It’s torture and Kara feels every ounce of it. Her body gives up and her knees weaken, making her kneel to the ground._

_Kara feels like dying but she wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of hearing her yell in pain. She wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of hearing her words._

_“Get up” Another knight says, slapping her face. “You think just because your people have died too, that’s enough?!”He asks, slamming Kara’s face in to the drum of water._

_Kara feels like dying. And if she is going to die, it’s okay that it’s right here in Morgana’s home. It’sokay… It’s okay…_

_Kara falls on her knees as the knight pulls her back. Kneeling on the ground helpless, Kara gasps for air, trying to breathe once more to utter the words she needed to voice out._

_“Please…” Kara begs, gasping as tears stream down her face. “Please, kill me already.”_

_Because Kara had thought about it a lot of times. – of Death. She was supposed to be dead with her parents. She wasn’t supposed to survive. She wasn’t supposed to be spared. She had thought about it a lot of times but she never did it. She never had the guts to kill herself, to take her own life._

_But if someone was to kill her, then that would be her chance wouldn’t it? That would end all the suffering, all the pain that she has no guts to end. Because every day of her life, she dies and dies, piece by piece._

_If someone could do it for her, she wouldn’t stop them because Kara knows this is what she really deserves. This is what was supposed to be. This is her end._

_“Please kill me” Kara begs, crying, kneeling on the ground. Her voice so broken and hopeless, wanting – needing_ – _for someone to end it all._

_She could see the smile on the knight’s face as he realizes his victory. She closes her eyes, anticipating a sword through her heart. – anticipating her death._

_“Stop!” A stern voice commands. “What the hell do all of you think you’re doing?!”_

_“My lord…” A knight starts to say but was cut off._

_“GO! All of you go! I’ll deal with you later!” The voice says._

_Kara opens her eyes, feeling the disappointment. “Arthur.” She whispers, feeling the pain intensify as she sees the brother of the woman she loves. – the brother that Morgana loved so dearly._

_“Get up and go home, Kara” Arthur says, turning her back from Kara as he leaves._

_“Please. Do it, Arthur.” She begs._

_Kara’s words put a stop to Arthur. He turns back, facing Kara again. “I am not gonna kill the girl my sister loved, Kara. Leave this kingdom and never come back.”_

_***_

 

Remembering the feeling of not being able to breathe, remembering the pain she had that day, Kara stops fighting. She stops moving. She stops kicking.

She just stops trying.

For a moment there, she stops trying to fight the person trying to kill her as she wonders what if; what if she dies right at this moment? What if this is it? What if she just stops trying and just let it be?

_What if?_

So she does. For a moment there she just stops, accepting her fate. This is how it should have been, right?

“Kara!! Oh Rao! Kara!” Mon-El shouts, taking the Pillow from Kara’s face. “Breathe, Kara! Breathe!”

Kara sits up, coughing as she gasps for air.

“Kara? Oh god!” Lena says, panicking as she enters the room. She pulls Kara in her arms, rubbing the blonde’s back as she encourages her to breathe. “What happened?” She asks Mon-El , holding  Kara even tighter.

“I.. I don’t know. It all happened so fast. Someone was smothering Kara with a pillow. And oh rao.. oh rao.. He was wearing a knight’s helmet. I.. I didn’t see him and when he saw me he just… he just ran and jumped out of the window. I.. oh Rao, Kara..” Mon-El rambles, panicking as well. His hands were shaking and his voice, trembling.

“a knight’s helmet” Lena whispers, still holding Kara in her arms.

“Kara, honey, are you okay?” Lena asks, cupping Kara’s face.

“yeah, I…” She nods, taking a sip of her water, her voice breaking. “I’m just a little shocked.”

To be honest, her voice doesn’t really break because of the attempt in her life. It was more because of the memory she just relived and the thought that she almost died because she gave up. If Mon-El wasn’t there, she could have been dead by now.

And Kara doesn’t know what to make of that. She doesn’t understand what just happened. What she just let happen. Everything is just a mess.

“Kara, Mon-El is gonna stay with you alright? I just need to do something. I’ll be right back” Lena says, looking right at Kara’s eyes. She doesn’t want to leave Kara at a state like this. But she has to get the killer. And she knows who it is.

“Lena..” Kara whimpers, holding her hand.

“It’s okay. I’ll be right back.” Lena says, standing up from the bed.

“Lena…” Kara says, her voice breaking as she holds Lena’s hand, stopping her. “You... You said okay. You said you’ll stop endangering yourself.”

“Don’t go, Lena.” Kara pleads. “I’m scared.”

“I’ll be right back, honey. I promise.” Lena says, kissing Kara on the forehead before she leaves.

“What happened?” James asks, entering the room as he sees the worried faces of the three.

“James, stay with them, please.” Lena commands, not bothering to answer the question.

 

* * *

 

 

“Lex!” Lena shouts, punching her brother’s face, catching him off guard.

Lex falls on the ground as Lena points a sword at him.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Lex spats, looking at Lena with complete shock on his face.

“Don’t play with me, Lex!” Lena says, grazing his skin with the tip of her sword. “You’re my brother! You know I love Kara! How could you try to kill her!”

Lex kicks Lena’s calf, disarming her. “What are you talking about?” Lex asks, pinning his siter to the ground.

Lena fights back, elbowing Lex’ jaw. “You just tried to smother her with a pillow!” Lena adds, punching Lex once more.

She tries again for another punch but Lex blocks it and pins her to the wall, holding Lena’s arms at her back. “I honestly don’t know what you are talking about Lena. And seriously, you think you can take me when I’m the one who trained you? If I wanted to kill Kara, she’d be dead the moment I stepped in this castle. Wait, did you just say you love Kara? Well, I did not know that. Honestly, I just thought-“

“Lex that’s not the point!” Lena says, realizing her brother was telling the truth. Lex could kill anyone if he wanted to. If he was the one to kill Kara, he would not have done it using a pillow. It would be gory and painful as he was trained to do with enemies of the kingdom. Kara would be dead a long time ago if Lex really wanted to kill her.

“Well my sister just said she’s in love with someone. Sue me for being a teasing brother!” Lex smirks, rolling his eyes as he teases Lena.

“Lex!! If it’s not you then who!?” She asks, starting to get frustrated with her brother. Here they are at a life and death situation and her brother still manages to tease her. Oh Rao! Unbelievable!

“I don’t know.” Lex rolls his eyes, releasing Lena. “Who found her at the first place?”

“Oh god!” Lena gasps, realizing the mistake she had made. “Mon-El!”

She was about to run and kill another person she considers her brother when Mon-El appears right in front of them.

“Uh guys. Sorry to disturb but Lena, Kara is really panicking. She really needs you.” Mon-El says.

Okay, now Lena is really confused. If Lex is not the one trying to kill Kara and Mon-El is here trying to bring Lena back to her. Then….

 "Oh god. Please, no!" 

 

Lena runs as fast as she can to Kara’s room. She had never felt fear like this before. Her heart thumping so loud, she feels like her world is about to fall apart. She runs and runs, wishing she could turn back time. How could she have not seen this coming?

_Don’t go, Lena. I’m scared._

_Don’t go, Lena. I’m scared._

_Don’t go, Lena. I’m scared._

Kara’s words echo in her mind, feeling like knives thrusting her heart. She should have listened! She should have stayed with Kara. She should have been there for Kara. If only she did…

As she enters the room, finding Kara gone, her body trembles as fear panic and rage overcome her whole being. She had never been afraid and angrier at the same time. She stumbles and falls, feeling like someone just ripped her heart out.

“James, It’s James” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, you guys don't hate me.  
> And oh, shout out to the person who guessed it right in the comment section in the previous chapter. Since the first chapter, I've always imagined it to be James. He has his reasons. Believe me.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed (is this the right term?) this chapter. :)


	14. Betrayal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope u enjoy it :)

 

Funny thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies. It comes from the people you trust the most. Kara had known grief and loss all her life. She had lost people through death and war. People have even abandoned her willingly. Kara knows that kind of pain. It was basically something she goes through every single day.

But Betrayal? That’s something else. – Something new.

“James.” Kara whispers, her knees on the floor with her hands shackled right above her. “Wh– Why?”

Kara’s heart shatters into a thousand pieces. Her friend, the one who had helped her make Morgana’s dreams come true, had just betrayed her. It was a different kind of pain than losing someone. Somehow, it’s more painful because this – this right here – is James’ choice. It’s his choice to hurt Kara and it makes Kara’s world fall apart even more than it had before.

“I’m sorry, Kara. Like you, I have my _Morgana_   too.” James says, avoiding Kara’s eyes. He couldn’t look at his friend in the eye. He couldn’t even look at his own self in the mirror after what he had just done. Shame is one thing he would always carry with him for betraying Kara like that, for betraying someone he – at one point – had fallen for.

But James had his Morgana too. He has someone he would drop everything for. And that someone is in the hands of King Uther.

It’s something Kara understands too well. If the situation was reverse, she would have probably betrayed a friend for Morgana too. She understands what made James do it but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less. Because at the end of the day, James still stabbed her at the back. At the end of the day, Betrayal is still betrayal.

Despite trusting only a few people in her life, somehow fate still managed to break her trust.

“Well done, James.” King Uther says, entering the dungeon with a victorious smile on his face. “Lucy Lane is free. I assure you no harm would be done to you or her. Now Go!”

Kara looks up, staring at the king right in front of her. The King just stares at her with pure disgust. Gone are the days the king gives her a warm smile everytime he sees her. Those warm smiles are now replaced with bitterness, hatred even.

She wanted to ask the king why he is even doing this. But could she really blame him? After all, hatred and bitterness are what

Kara had become after Morgana’s death too.

So really, who is she to blame?

 

* * *

 

_Lena,_

_I’m sorry for what I have done. I know we have talked about her a lot and I know you care about her. I was supposed to kill her but the king changed his orders. I just want to let you know she’ll be in Camelot at the castle’s dungeon._

_Yes, I do love Kara but the King has someone I love too. I had to make a choice, Lena. I’m sorry if it’s not Kara but I needed to make a choice. I only wish for you to understand. I’m not asking any of you for forgiveness because I don’t even think it’s possible for me to forgive myself. But I really hope you can save her._

_Please save her._

_James._

 

_*****_

“Didn’t we task you to protect the prince, Lena?” The king spats angrily, crumpling the note James left behind that Lena had just showed everyone. Lena knows he’s trying to be tough but she could perfectly see the fear for her adoptive daughter in his eyes.   “Where were you? Aren’t you the one incharged with the group of knights that handle Kara’s security!? Why is James–”

“Dad” Alex interrupts King Jeremiah, her voice sounding so broken. “James was ours. He’s been in this castle way before Lena had arrived. It’s not her fault.”

Alex glances at Lena, nodding, assuring the knight that she doesn’t blame her for her sister’s kidnapping. This was all on James. Lena smiles back, mouthing a _thank you_ to Alex.

Everyone was getting worried and anxious about Kara. It had been 36 hours with nothing. King Jeremiah had assembled a group of knights to attack and rescue Kara. It was not an army. It’s just a small group. The king had figured that Kara would have more chance of being rescued if they go in unnoticed. And having a Kryptonian army wasn’t going to do that. There was one mission only; to bring Kara home no matter what.

Everyone was gearing up and Lex notices Lena, Alex and Mon-El do as well.

“Hold on.” Lex steps infront of them, blocking their way. “Where do you think you three are going?”

“Where do you think? Rescuing my sister of course!” Alex spats.

“Alex! You’re a Kryptonian princess. We can’t trade one for another!” Lex spats, trying to reason to the three. He can’t believe these three are even leaping at the situation without even thinking clearly. “And You and You” Lex adds, pointing a finger at Lena and Mon-El. “You are a Daxamite Prince and a Daxamite knight. We were supposed to be _neutral_ remember?! Both allies of Krypton and Camelot.”

“Lex, I stopped being a Daxamite knight the moment I was tasked to protect, Kara.” Lena says, frustrated at how her brother is being protective.

“And you’re way too delusional if you think for a second I wouldn’t try to go there and rescue my sister!” Alex adds, looking at Lex like she was about to murder him.

“Agh! Okay fine” Lex groans, knowing full well he has no other choice. He couldn’t stop the two but he can stop the prince. “but you can’t. You’re the Prince, Mon-El. Once someone sees you that would cause another war. If you really want to help at all, you have to stay here. No one could afford another war!”

“Yeah, my brother is right, Mon.” Lena nods, putting a hand on Mon-El’s shoulder, assuring him. “We’ll save her. I promise.”

“Okay. All of you be careful.”

“What are you doing?” Lena asks her brother, seeing him gear up, wearing a Kryptonian armor.

“Going with you, dummy!” Lex says, messing up Lena’s hair as he rubs his sister’s head.

“I can’t let my sister get killed saving the woman she loves now, can’t I? Here.” Lex adds, handing Lena the Kryptonian armor and helmet. “We have to wear these. Cover our faces and protect ourselves. You may not be a Daxamite knight anymore but they don’t know that.”

 

* * *

 

“You Kryptonians, always so self righteous. You killed people that I love and I’m gonna make sure that your bloodline ends with you.” King Uther spars, lashing a whip on Kara. “I’m just waiting for Astra and Clark to get the word. When they come, your bloodline dies!”

The world slowed and Kara could hear her own blood roaring in her ears. Kara’s body hurts. Everything just hurts. Her blood, her breath, her bones.

King Uther thumbs free his whip, piercing through the bones of Kara’s back.  Kara tenses, pulling the shackles above her as blood slides down her back.

Kara screams in the agonizing pain of the whip, tears sliding down her blood stained face.

“What even makes you think they’d come? Astra left me. Clark left me. They _chose_ to leave.” Kara lets out a dry laugh, sobbing as she remembers what it felt like the day Astra and Clark left. “You’re not the only who lost everything. I lost everyone I loved. I lost every family I had. It doesn’t matter if they’re dead or alive. They’re gone.”

Ignoring the princess, king Uther lashes the whip once more, tearing Kara’s skin down to the bone. Kara cries out even louder, fighting the agony, the darkness that she’s almost succumbing to.

Kara closes her eyes anticipating another whip from the vicious king. Her head was almost on the ground if it weren’t for the shackles that steady her in place, her knees to the floor.

With her eyes closed, all she could see is the darkness. She smiles sadly despite the torture as her mind wanders to a place she feels safe. – which is something she needed right about now.

 

***

_“Morgana!” Kara yells angrily, looking up at the love of her life sitting at a bracnch of a tree. “Get down there please, you’ll fall!”_

_“Then, you’ll catch me, honey.” Morgana smirks, teasing Kara._

_“Morgana, this is not a joke. Get down there!”_

_“Oh come on.” Morgana rolls her eyes at Kara, gesturing her hand up. “Come climb up here. The view is amazing.”_

_Kara groans knowing she’ll never win with Morgana. She climbs up the tree carefully and sits beside Morgana and her girl was right._

_“Wow”_

_“I know. It’s breathtaking, isn’t it?” Morgana says, intertwining her fingers with Kara. This paradise they have accidentally discovered through the tunnels is amazing but the view here on top is even more beautiful. “When you look at that, what do you see?” Morgana asks, gesturing her hand over the view._

_“I could see the whole kingdom. Wow, You’re right, Morgana. It’s beautiful up here.” Kara says with awe in her face. She turns to face Morgana, looking right through those tantalizing green eyes. Kara’s smile widens as she whispers, “You’re even more beautiful.”_

_Morgana smiles, feeling giddy at Kara’s words. She continues to stare at those piercing blue eyes of Kara, feeling so in love with her more than ever. “You wanna know what I see?” she asks, arching her brow with a smirk on her mouth ._

_“I see You and Me with little princesses and princess, running around the castle.” Morgana says with a dreamy voice, staring at the view, pointing over the castle from where they are._

_Kara laughs, wishing the idea would happen. “I see our little girl complaining how strict her mommy Morgana is.”_

_“Oh you think?” Morgana smirks. “Well, our little prince would complain to me how you fought over the last piece of food with him.”_

_“Hey!” Kara smacks Morgana gently, disagreeing with her. “That wouldn’t happen! There’s plenty of food.”_

_“Oh, I definitely see that happening!”_

_“Well, I could see our kid asking me to tell her stories about our love.” Kara says, imagining telling her future kids bedtime stories. “Then she’d whisper to me that she wants to be just like you, Morgana. And I wouldn’t have been more proud.” Kara adds with pride in her dreamy voice._

_“And our other kid would tell me that she just wants to be like her mother, Queen Kara Zor-El, when she grows up.”_

_“I could see us having a family and our kids having a good time playing with Arthur or Alex or Clark’s kids.” Kara says, leaning over Morgana, resting her head on Morgana’s shoulder as she holds her hand, both of them staring at the amazing view. “Oh, our weekend brunch would be messy and noisy and full of laughters and running kids.”_

_Morgana smiles, her heart feeling so warm at the prospect of it. “You wanna know what I see?”_

_Kara doesn’t answer. She just clings to Morgana’s arms, waiting for Morgana to tell her._

_“I see you marrying me.” Morgana says, smiling as her voice shakes a little bit. She wasn’t really sure how Kara would react. She’s a little bit terrified what if Kara didn’t want to. But that would be absurb, right? Since they’re already talking about hypothetical families._

_Kara tenses, sitting up to meet Morgana’s gaze. She thought Morgana was just kidding but seeing the terrified look on Morgana’s face, Kara knew she had never been more serious in her entire life._

_“Wh– what did you say?” Kara asks, matching the same anxious voice that Morgana had. Her heart speeds up, wishing that rao, please let this not be just a dream._

_“I see you marrying me, darling.” Morgana smiles. The sweetest smile Kara had ever seen. She takes out something that she had been keeping closed in her palm. “Will you marry me and spend the rest of your lifetime with me, Kara Zor-El?”_

_“Yes.” Kara bites her lips, trying to stop herself from crying. But she does. Her tears slide down her beautiful face. She pulls Morgana carefully for an embrace. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” Kara yells as the tears of joy overflow. She doesn’t care because here right now – at this very moment – she is the happiest person in this entire universe._

_“I love you, Morgana Pendragon.” Kara adds, kissing Morgana slowly, full of passion and want, full of hope for their future together._

_“I love you , my Kara Zor-El” When the kiss finally breaks, Morgana pulls back and Kara could see that she wasn’t the only one crying. Morgana puts the improvised ring on Kara’s finger. It was made of leaves and stems from their secret paradise._

_“I know it’s not much but I swear, I’ll get you a proper ring when we turn of legal age.”Morgana adds._

_Kara shakes her head, letting Morgana know it doesn’t matter. “All that matters is you and me, Morgana” She smiles, pulling Morgana once again for a passionate kiss._

_***_

 

“Oh no, you’re not gonna cheat this” King Uther pulls Kara’s hair back, trying to keep the blonde’s eyes open. “You have to be fully awake and feel this.”

King Uther goes over the fire, dipping the fire iron in it, making sure it was hot enough. “You Kryptonians…. The House of El took everything away from me.”

Kara cries. She sobs, feeling the excruciating pain in her whole body.

“I love…” Kara whimpers, trying her best to speak through the agonizing pain. “love.. I loved her too. I probably always will.”

Her voice so broken and damaged as she feels the loss of Morgana after she just replayed a memory of them planning their future together in her mind.

Maybe it’s not the best thing to say because the next thing Kara knows is King Uther turning around to face her with the fire iron in his hand. King Uther grabs Kara’s hair, making the blonde look up at him. He presses the fire iron agressively on Kara’s chest, just beneath her left collar bone.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Kara screams, tugging her shackles. She could feel the heat of the fire iron on her skin. The tip of the fire iron was Camelot’s crest. She was pretty sure King Uther is making a statement, scarring Kara with it. The fire burns Kara’s skin and all she could do is scream her pain and cry out because rao…

_It’s so painful._

_Make it stop._

_Please_

_When will it be enough?_

_Had this become my faith? – An eternal agony of pain._

_I just want to breathe._

_For once, I just want to breathe._

 

But Kara doesn’t say all those thoughts out loud. She wouldn’t give the king the satisfaction of breaking her.

And Kara wants to give up so badly. She just wants so sleep and rest and make everything stop. She remembers the last time she stepped foot in Camelot, she was on her knees too, wanting to make it all stop.

But this time it’s different. The last time, the torture wasn’t enough to kill her. The pain was not enough yet she was begging them to kill her, to end her.

This time, the agony was enough. The torture was enough to kill her if only she would just give up and stop. But this time, she’s not begging for death. This time, despite the pain being enough to fall on her death, she fights it. This time, she’s fighting to live.

The last time she was in this position all she could see was Morgana. She saw Morgana’s face and she begged for someone to grant her death, thinking she couldn’t live without Morgana in her life.

Now on her knees, with the fire iron burning her skin, all she could see is Lena. Images of Lena flash through her mind.

She could see the annoyed face of Lena when Mon-El was touching her shoulders. She could see Lena’s grumpy face when Kara was too stubborn to follow what she was teaching during their trainings.

Kara could see the glances Lena sends her way whenever she thought the blonde wasn’t looking. She could imagine Lena’s face staring at her when she was still sleepy to get up. She could see Lena’s worried face when the knight had seen her bruised knuckles.

She could see Lena’s face, trying to hide the hurt, when Kara had told her she was marrying the Prince of Daxam. Kara could see Lena’s face when she was right beside her in the tower, promising the blonde she wouldn’t leave. Kara could see the look on Lena’s face as she assures her she’s not like the others, that she wouldn’t go anywhere.

Here – right now at this very moment _–_ when she is supposed to just give it up, all she could see is Lena.

And she’s not begging for death this time. She’s praying _–_ to who knows who _–_ for mercy and strength. She’s praying for her to live.

Because this can’t be it. She just couldn't die now. She couldn’t cease to exist without getting to _live_ life with Lena.

 

 _“Please give me the chance to.”_ Kara whispers to herself before darkness takes over.          

 

* * *

 

 

_Kara!_

_Oh god!_

_Kara!_

_Kara!_

Kara could hear someone calling her name. She was tired but she tries to open her eyes.

 _“Kara”_ Someone whispers, cupping Kara’s blood stained face. Kara’s vision was blurry but she could see the person’s figure on top of her. She could feel that person’s tears falling on her face.

Kara closes her eyes, feeling exhausted.

_Kara_

_Kara_

She blinks and sees the same blurry vision. Kara just wants to close her eyes for a little bit.

_Kara_

_Kara_

Kara tries to open her eyes again. She smiles as her vision becomes clearer and clearer.

Even in an unstable state, she knows it’s still her and not the other _her._

She knows it’s her because she’s the first thing that Kara had thought about.

Seeing her face, her name is the first thing that came into Kara’s mind. - not her first love's.

_Kara_

_Kara_

And for the first time ever, she didn’t wish to be dead and see… _her._

Kara wanted to be alive and see that face right in front of her. The face of someone she had gradually fallen for.

Without second guessing, without hesitation, she whispers her name with a smile on her face because whatever happens after this, Kara knows she'll be safe.

Kara knows everything will be alright because she's now here. She's here for Kara...

“ _LENA”_ she smiles, closing her eyes with the assurance that Lena's got her.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... What do you think? looking forward to know your reactions :) :)
> 
> Ps  
> Hey fam pls bear w me w the updates. I broke my laptop yesterday.


	15. It's time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. this is going to be a longer chapter than usual and im sorry for that but buckle up :) hope u like the chapter

The moment Lena stepped in the dungeon and her eyes darted towards Kara, everything around her just dulled. Her senses go numb as her world slows down, panic and fear running through her veins.

It only took 13 seconds for Lena to run to Kara from the entrance, yet it felt like hours. It felt like forever. It was the longest and the most mortifying 13 seconds of Lena’s life.

Seeing Kara with tortured body and blood stained face, on her knees with her head down, unconscious and her hands shackled, sends shivers through Lena’s spine. Seeing the love of her life like that, she doesn’t know what to think.

Is Kara alive? Is she dead?

The thought makes her whole body sweat and tremble. It makes her want to puke right there and then.

 

“Oh god! Kara, No” Lena cries out, removing the shackles from Kara’s hand.

“No, No! No!” She shakes her head, not wanting to believe what just happened to Kara.

Lena holds Kara in her arms, begging for the blonde to wake up. “Oh god! Kara! Kara!”

Kara blinks and that was enough for Lena to know Kara is alive.

“Kara! Kara!”

Kara blinks once more, moving her body a little bit. And that’s when she sees the fresh burn on Kara’s chest.

“Oh god!” Lena cries out and looks away, bringing her hands to her mouth out of shock as tears finally slide down her face. “Oh god!” Her hands tremble as she imagines what Kara had gone through for the past 36 hours.

Lena couldn’t hate herself more for failing to protect Kara. She failed her for the second time and she couldn’t even begin to fathom if they had come here a little bit late.

But now isn’t the time for her emotional turmoil. She swallows her sobs, gritting her teeth as she takes everything in. What matters right now is Kara’s safety and she is still far from safe.

“Kara! Kara”

Kara slowly opens her eyes. Lena was sure Kara didn’t even know if she was dreaming or not. Lena was sure Kara was in a groggy state.

“Lena” The blonde whispers as she smiles. Despite her situation, there was something about Kara’s eyes. There was something about the blonde’s smile. It was different and Lena has no idea why.

“Lena!” Alex yells, running towards them. “Oh god! Kara!”

“What is he doing here?” Lena spats, looking at the man behind Lex as she gestures a protective hand towards Kara.

“Is that Kara?” The man steps forward, feeling squeamish at the sight of the tortured princess.”Oh lord! What did Father do to her?”

“Don’t! Don’t Arthur!” Lena stands, pointing a finger at Arthur, not allowing him to come any closer to Kara. “Don’t you dare take another step.”

“Lena –“ Lex starts to say but is cut off by the lady knight.

“You _let_ the King do this to her! You let him torture Kara! You let him kill her parents!” Lena yells with so much frustration in her voice, so much blame and rage. She knows she’s being out of context. She knows her brother might figure out that she knows everything because of this. But Everything was just becoming too much. Everything is too much. And she knows an explosion of repressed emotions is on it’s way out.

“Lena? What the hell are you talking about?” Lex asks, not understanding what is happening with his sister and his best friend.

“She did nothing wrong, Arthur! She was innocent and kind and pure hearted! She did nothing wrong!” Lena adds, ignoring Lex as she takes a few more steps forward making Arthur take a few steps back. Her voice was shaking but the tenacity in it is still very evident. Everything about it is intense. “All Kara ever did was love me! And what? It cost her everything. YOU took everything away from her!”

Lena pauses, trying to catch her breath. Everyone’s eyes are on here. She knows what left her mouth probably confused Alex and her brother but Lena knows Arthur understands.

“Lena! I don’t know what you’re trying to say but who do you think helped us get in?” Lex says, warning her sister about her attitude towards the Prince of Camelot.

Arthur blinks, still speechless, not really knowing how to react to Lena’s words. Does Lena know everything? He shakes his head, ignoring his questions. Now is not the time for this.

“There” Arthur says, pointing at a hidden exit in the dungeon. “You go straight then left. You should go unnoticed. I’ll deal with the guards.”

“Thanks, brother. I owe you one.” Lex says, hugging Arthur and patting his back before he leads the way out.

Lena and Alex immediately takes Kara in between them, trying their best to carry her out of the castle, not worsening her injuries.

“Lena–“ Arthur whispers, wanting to say something. He wants to ask her if she remembers. He wants to explain why they hadn’t come for her. Arthur wants to hold his sister and tell her how much he misses her, how much he loves her. The prince wants to say a lot of things but all that really left his lips was Lena’s name.

Lena doesn’t turn her back to face Arthur. She just couldn’t face her brother right now.

“All she ever did was love me…” She whispers once more, blaming herself, leaving Arthur behind.

 

* * *

 

 

“The way you to spoke to the Prince…” Alex says, staring at Lena with recognition as the knight holds her sister’s hand in the carriage. She could see the worry and fear in the knight’s eyes. It’s no surprise Lena had not been able to control her emotions back there in the dungeon. “You’re keeping something, Lena.  Is what I’m thinking–”

“You’re right.” Lena cuts Alex off. “I am keeping something. But I can’t answer your questions, Alex. If I’m going to tell someone first, it’s gonna be Kara” She adds, burying her face on Kara’s bruised neck. “It has to be her.”

* * *

 

Lena Luthor hates waiting. As far as she can remember, her everyday life consisted of waiting. She waited for Lillian to be proud of her somehow. She waited for her fellow Daxamites to acknowledge her authority over them. She waited to earn everyone’s respect.

Lena had waited for those blurry flashes to become clearer. She had waited for her to know the girl’s name in her visions. She had waited for her memories to come back.

For more than eight years, Lena Luthor had waited for herself to remember Kara. So Lena is done with patience. She is so sick of waiting.

And now in Kara’s room, waiting for her to wake up with the uncertainty if she’s going to be alright –physically or mentally – is probably the worst kind of waiting.

She paces the room, glancing from time to time to what the healer is doing to Kara. They were far away from Kara’s bed, almost located at the room’s door. Alex is sitting on the couch, tapping her legs, worrying for her sister as well. Lex on the other hand sits beside Alex, staring at his sister intensely, trying to analyze Lena’s actions.

“Lena” Lex sighs, massaging his temple. “Stop pacing. You’re not helping. Let’s talk outside.” He adds, holding Lena’s hand.

“No.” Lena pulls her hand back, stepping away from Lex. “I’m not going anywhere! I’m staying.”

“Lena, calm down. It’s just right out the door. ” Lex says, pulling Lena with him, leaving her no choice.

“Lex!”

“You’re not helping in there, Lee. Can’t you see Alex in panicking too? I can’t have you both in there.”

“I’m going back.” Lena insists, turning her back.

“No..” Lex stops her, pulling her back in place. “You have to calm yourself down.”

“Calm myself down?” Lena scoffs, pushing his brother away. Lex had no right to tell her that. Her brother doesn’t know the hundreds of scenarios going through Lena’s head. She laughs wryly, gesturing her hand up the air as she lets out her frustration. “Do not tell me to calm down when Kara is right there on the bed and the healer isn’t even half way tending her wounds! Do not tell me to calm down when there’s a possibility that Kara won’t wake up. Do not tell me to calm down when we know for a fact that she had been tortured! Do not tell me to calm down when it took us 36 hours to do something, Lex!”

“You don’t understand! You don’t know what it feels like to wait!” Lena shakes her head, panting as she catches her breath. “I cannot calm down, Lex! Not when...” She takes a moment to swallow her sobs but tears still fall from her eyes. “Not when I almost lost her. I failed her, Lex. I failed to protect her. Again! And now I might lose her. Again! I– can’t calm down, Lex!”

“You don’t know what it feels like in _here_!” Lena spats, tapping her chest to let her brother understand where it hurts the most. – In her heart. She taps and taps until she could physically feel the pain. “You don’t understand! I failed her, Lex! I failed! And what if…. What if… You don’t understand! You can’t understand.. I just…”

“Lena…” Lex takes a step forward slowly, putting her hands on both of Lena’s arms, rubbing it as he assures his sister that it’s okay. It’s okay to break down and cry. “You… You love her. What’s not to understand?” He adds, pulling Lena in his arms, soothing his sister’s back.

“I can’t lose her, Lex…” Lena says, sobbing in her brother’s arms, thankful for the comfort of his brother’s embrace. It actually makes her miss Arthur. Whenever Kara and Morgana had an argument before, whenever Morgana would feel bad, it was always Arthur’s hugs and pep talks that would be able to give her comfort.

Seeing Arthur back there, it brought up a lot of mixed emotions. Yes, Lena had screamed at him and blamed him but she didn’t really believe Arthur was capable of torturing Kara. She just really needed to blame someone other than herself.

It was different when Lena didn’t have her memories yet. Arthur would always visit Daxam but she thought it was because of Lex. After all they had become best friends over the years. Whenever Arthur was staying in their place, he would always make sure that he got to spend time with Lena. They had become friends and were pretty close.

And now Lena had realized all those visits weren’t just for Lex. They were for her. Yes, Arthur did make an effort for Lena but that still doesn’t change the fact that they lied to her. It doesn’t change the fact that they didn’t take Lena back home. And mostly, it doesn’t make any of it hurt less.

“Shhhhh.” Lex says, rubbing Lena’s back, wishing that he could take his sisters pain away. He didn’t really understand what Lena was saying. His sister didn’t make sense. But what she got from Lena’s break down is that his sister is most definitely in love with the Kryptonian Princess.

This is basically why Lex wanted Lena to stay away from Kara. You don’t fall in love with royal bloods without expecting drama. The kingdom, the power, the throne… They all have a cost. But what can he really do now? He could see that Lena is far too deep in her feelings for the princess. How could he stand on the way of his sister’s happiness?

All he could do now is support Lena and make sure he has her back when things go south. “If I were to believe the rumors about what the princess had gone through the years, I would say Kara is strong, Lena. She’ll pull through.”

Lena just nods and sobs at Lex’ arms, relishing in the temporary comfort that it gives as she – in between her cries – whispers one thing over and over. “I can’t lose her again.”

 

* * *

 

Kara opens her eyes feeling the expanse of clear sky and the calm of see after having gone through a storm as she sees the lady knight by her bed side, holding her hand. Lena’s eyes are closed and she looks very peaceful. This sight makes Kara’s heart warm.

Kara strokes Lena’s hair, making sure not to move. She loves watching Lena sleep. It was always Lena who watches her sleep so Kara relishes in this rare moment. She understands why the knight loves to watch Kara sleep because Lena might feel the unfathomable tug in her heart that Kara is feeling right now.

She smiles because it’s just like her nightmares. – the nightmares Kara had that neither of them really talked about the next morning. Whenever she her nightmares occurred, it was always Lena that kelp her calm and protected. And now, it’s just like that because after the real life nightmare she had gone through, Lena is still right here by her side, making her feel safe and secure like she always did.

The only difference is Kara actually feels the aftermath of those nightmares. Her throat itches, making it hard for her to speak. She could still feel the wounds in her back, getting more and more painful everytime she moves. But most of all, the scar on her chest – Camelot’s crest – is the most obvious. She could feel it itching as it starts to heal but it is also the one that causes her the painful feeling. She’s probably imagining it but she swears she could still feel the heat burning in her skin.

“Umffghkks” Kara makes a sound, clearing her dry throat as she feels it itch and itch more.

The sound startles Lena awake, immediately getting a glass of water to make Kara drink.

“Kara” Lena whispers, bringing the glass to Kara’s lips. “It’s okay. I’ll do it. Don’t move.”

 

Kara lets out a sharp breath as soon as she finished with the water. “So it wasn’t a dream…” She whispers as a tear slide down her face.

“Hey. Hey. You’re safe now.” Lena takes hold of Kara’s hand, squeezing it. She wipes the tear away from Kara’s face with her thumb. “It wasn’t Kara. I’m so sorry..”  Lena adds, looking down sadly because how could she even look at Kara after failing to protect her.

“No. No, Lena” Kara smiles, lifting Lena’s chin up to meet her gaze. “I mean it wasn’t a dream. You coming for me. You… you were there when I opened my eyes. I knew it wasn’t a dream.”

Kara’s eyes slowly fill up with tears threatening to fall as the realization hits her. Those times she had asked Lena to stay and not go, Lena had repeated those words like a mantra. But Kara had always thought that Lena was just being nice and it won’t actually come to this.

But then Lena meant it. She meant what she had said to Kara. It was unbelievable for the Kryptonian since everyone seems to prefer to leave her behind.

“You didn’t go anywhere. You stayed. You were there. _For me._ ” Kara whispers, still in awe and teary eyed at the fact that Lena really came for her.

Lena smiles and at the same time she wants to cry. She blamed herself for failing Kara but even after what Kara had gone through, the princess is happy because Lena was there for her.

It somehow pains Lena that Kara couldn’t believe someone would do that for her. She shouldn’t feel or think that way. She should feel loved and appreciated. Kara should feel all the happiness in this world because it’s what she deserves.

_What Kara deserves._

The truth, Lena thinks. Kara deserves the truth. She deserves to know everything.

“I need to tell you something.” Lena says, her smile fading away as she decides to do the thing she should have done long ago.

Kara gives her wide smile, sitting up from her bed. She groans at the pain her body is experience but ignores it nonetheless. This is something important and no amount of pain could stop her do what she wanted to do. She holds both of Lena’s hand, squeezing them and pulling the raven haired beauty closer to her.

“I have to tell you something to. May I go first?”

Lena nods, waiting for Kara to speak.

“People… Everyone in my life, they all lied to me, you know. James was my friend and he betrayed me. My parents said they didn’t attack Camelot that day, but who really knows? Astra said I’ll always have her but where is she now? Clark, well he left and never came back. Even the Danvers had lied to me at one point.”

“Kara–“

“Everyone in my life lied to me. Everyone left one way or the other. My parents. Astra. Clark. My whole family. James.” Kara pauses, staring far away blankly as she dwells deep in her thoughts. “And even.. Even Mo– Morgana... But not you Lena. You.. You never left even when I pushed you away.”

“Kara–“ Lena wants to beg her to stop because No, what Kara is saying isn’t true. She knows she is a liar and she had lied to Kara the very moment she stepped in this castle.

“And I’m very thankful for that, Lena. Because…” Kara adds, looking down as tears slowly fall. Her voice shakes a little bit as she tries to swallow a sob, remembering everything that had happened in her life. “Because I don’t know if I could take more pain like that. I don’t know if I could take one more person betraying me, leaving me. I… I don’t know if I could take more, Lena. Because if I did, that would probably be my breaking point where you say enough is enough. Enough of this world and this pain.”

“That’s what I almost did. When James was smothering me with a pillow, for a moment I gave up and almost died. I let him, Lena. And when I was laying there in the dungeon, my mind wondered too, what if, you know…”

“Kara, I… Why–” Lena’s heart breaks into a million pieces as she hears Kara admit wanting to die. She had asked Kara before if she had wanted to jump from the tower and the girl had said no. She was relieved to know back then despite everything, Kara never thought of ending her own life. But she was wrong. Kara had thought about dying. – Choosing to die. And she doesn’t know what she can say or do to help. She doesn’t know how to make Kara feel better and she’s scared. She’s so scared of doing one wrong thing that could push Kara over the edge.

She wants to tell Kara everything but how could she after what Kara had confessed to her? How could she tell Kara that she’s wrong. How could she take that away from Kara?

“but that’s it. A momentarily lapse of judgement.” Kara smiles, tears filling her eyes as she squeezes Lena’s hand, assuring her. “When I was in there, thinking I would die of too much pain, I hoped and I prayed for a chance. And this is it, Lena.”

The raven haired knight takes in what Kara is trying to say. Is she finally giving them a chance? Lena’s eyes focus on the scar on Kara’s chest. Overwhelming emotions flood through her as she remembers that scar is on Kara because of her. She was tortured because of her. How could she really think Kara is willing to give them a chance?

“Hey.” Kara says, wiping Lena’s tears as she tilts the knight’s chin to meet her gaze. “It’s just a scar. It will heal.”

Kara brings Lena’s hand to her chest and Lena immediately pulls it back.

“Kara.” She says, her eyebrow arches up, not understanding what Kara is trying to do.

The Kryptonian just smiles and takes Lena’s hand again, putting it on top of her scar.

Lena feels the scar, careful not to cause any more pain to Kara. She could see the blonde wince and she wants to pull her hand back but the princess doesn’t let her.

“This hurts. My tears are literally because of the pain.” Kara says, putting her hand on top of Lena’s which was on her chest. And Kara was definitely tearing up. “But do you feel my heart beat?”

Lena nods.

“I’m scared Lena. I’m scared of you because you make me feel things. I’m scared because I fall and fall in love with you even more every day. And it’s scary and it’s terrifying because like this scar, love hurts. It’s painful. I know that. But you see, behind this scar, this pain.. My heart beats. Despite the pain, it’s still beating.”

Kara pauses, taking a deep breath before she continues. “Despite all the possibility of hurting again of being broken again, of all the fear I have… My heart is still beating. It’s still _loving._ “

“And I love you, Lena Luthor. I love you with every beat of my heart.” Kara says as tears fall from those piercing blue eyes even more.

“I love you, Lena” Kara says, cupping Lena’s cheeks as she rests her forehead on Lena’s. They glance intensely at each other’s eyes for a moment, getting lost in each other’s emotions. Kara could see the tear falling from Lena’s left eye.

For the briefest of times, there was a moment between their glances. – Anticipation. The anticipation if it’s Kara’s lips on Lena’s or Lena’s lips on Kara’s. It was a moment. An intense one hanging in the air, pulling them even closer. It was the perfect moment.

And Lena crosses the point of no return as she cups Kara’s cheeks, pulling the Kryptonian princess for a passionate kiss. Lena feels like the world suddenly stops and there was just them.

No kingdoms.

No wars.

No Duty.

No throne.

Just Kara and Lena, trapped in this moment.

Kara hadn’t felt like this before. Not since Morgana. And rao, it was like kissing Morgana. It’s perfect, it’s sweet. It’s passionate. But somehow, it’s different too. – way different from what she had felt kissing her first love.

For the past 8 years, Kara’s life had been empty. – Something between life and death, She had always felt like every day… She was drowning. And kissing Lena? It feels like a breath of fresh air. For the first time in forever, Kara feels alive. – more alive than she has ever been in her entire life.

Kara closes her eyes, deepening the kiss. And even with her eyes closed, she knows Lena mirrored her passion.

“I’m in love with you, _Kara Zor-El_ “ Lena smiles through the kiss, pulling Kara closer as careful as possible. _._ ”I love you, _Kara Danvers”_

“Wait.” Lena pulls back, breaking the kiss, her smile fading. Because as much as she wants this, Kara is still engaged. “What about… What about Mon-El? And Alex?”

Kara could see the worry and fear in Lena’s eyes like fate was playing some game with them and this is all just a dream. The Kryptonian shakes her head, smiling as she cups Lena’s face, whispering. “We’ll figure it out. I promise.”

“We’ll figure it out.” Lena repeats, smiling and trying to assure both herself and Kara that they would.

It was like a Déjà vu Lena didn’t want to think about because the last time something like this happened, it was in their secret paradise right before Lena had lost her memories. Morgana and Kara were so worried about the fate of their Kingdoms that they had told each other that they _would find a way_.

 _We’ll find a way._ Morgana had promised and it feels like Kara’s _We’ll figure it out._

But Lena knew what came after that didn’t end well. And now she fears that history is repeating itself.

Kara sees the worry in Lena’s eyes so she pulls the knight once more. “I promise. We’ll figure it out.”

She gives Lena another passionate kiss. And this time Kara knows there’s no going back after this. She knows neither of them would want to go back to how things were before and she will… She will figure it out. But for now Kara’s relishes this moment as Lena deepens their kiss. – this time with no sign of worry and fear.

Because this moment, it’s theirs.

Just Kara & Lena’s.

She knows it’s a risk. She knows loving Lena is giving Lena the power to hurt her. But it’s a risk she’s willing to take. – a leap of faith she is willing to take. Because if anyone is worth the risk, worth fighting for… It’s Lena.

And Kara Zor-El Danvers is madly and deeply in love with Lena Luthor.

 

* * *

 

 

“Wait.” This time it’s Kara who pulls back, breaking the moment.

“What?”

“I…” Kara’s eyes widen as reality hits her. “I have to do something first. I have to go. I’ll be back.”

“Kara!” Lena stops Kara as gentle as possible, not agreeing with the blonde. “What can you possibly do that can’t wait. You can barely walk. Rao, someone just kidnapped you a week ago, Kara.”

“Lena, do you trust me?”

“Yes but–“

“Then let me.”

“Fine” Lena groans. “But I’m coming with you.”

“I have to do this by myself, Lena. I _need_ this.” Kara whispers, taking a book from the table.

 

* * *

 

Don’t get her wrong, Lena trusts Kara with her life. It’s just she doesn’t trust the universe after what she and Kara had gone through over the past 8 years.

A week ago, Kara was kidnapped so there is no way in hell Lena is letting Kara out of sight. Plus, Kara isn’t fully healed yet. She’s going to make sure she’s there incase something happens.                                                             

So the raven haired knight follows Kara subtly, making sure she keeps her distance for Kara not to notice her.

Following the princess through the darkness, a sudden sense of familiarity rushes through her spine. This path they’re taking, the turns they’re taking. Lena knows this. She knows where this is leading to.

And she was right.

As she emerges through the tunnel, the rays of sunlight hitting her face, she smiles. She misses this place. She hasn’t been here for more than 8 years. And rao, it’s still as beautiful as it used. It’s still…

_Paradise._

 

_*****_

Kara didn’t know she would feel this way. She had come here a thousand times before. Yet why does she feel so nervous? Her heart is thumping so loud she could literally feel it beating.

Emerging from the tunnels, she lets out a sharp breath she didn’t know she was holding.

_This is it._

Her hands are starting to shake as she walks carefully, finding it hard to do so because of her wounds. But she has to do this. She needs to do this.

Kara stops at the exact tree where Morgana had proposed to her. She knows it’s this tree because of the slightly faded mark on it. Morgana & Kara are engraved on it and just right below their names, a big heart with the word  _engaged_ written on it.

Kara touches it, feeling the stroke of the words. She smiles sadly because she really did love Morgana. And Rao, they were really happy.

Kara opens her favorite book and there lies the improvised ring Morgana had made her. Since it was made of stems and leaves, the ring was dead already. But the remains of it are still intact between the pages of Kara’s favorite book.

She sits, leaning her back on the trunk of the tree. Kara closes her eyes as the gush of wind blows her hair. She takes the moment for awhile, relishing it. It’s the first time Kara had been back here since the day Morgana died and it’s bringing all sorts of emotions back up.

 

“Hey Morgana.” Kara says with sadness in her voice, her heading arching up towards the sky with eyes still closed. “I know. Im sorry. It’s long overdue. I just… I just couldn’t be back here. After you died, this… This wasn’t Paradise anymore. Not without you in it.”

“But I’m here now.” Kara opens her eyes, staring at the birds in the sky as she smiles. They look so free. “I want to tell you that I get it. I finally understood what you meant, Morgana. You told me that if things don’t go as planned, I should still be able to love and be happy even if it’s not with you. I told you that’s never gonna happen.”

“But… But I finally get it now.” Kara smiles, her fingers tracing what seemed to be the remains of the ring. “I’ve been holding you in my heart for the past eight years, Morgana. I was so in love with you. And I probably always will love you.”

“Thank you for being _my first,_ for showing me how to love. but I think it’s time. It’s time for me to let you go.” Kara says, her tears streaming down her face. There was so much sadness in her voice but it was also full of hope too. Hope for the uncertainty that awaits her and Lena. “It’s time for me to move on. And live.”

“You showed me Paradise, Morgana. You made me feel what love really is. And rao, you let me feel what heartbreak really is. And trust me, it hurts. But Lena…” Kara sighs, Lena’s face flashing in her mind and that’s enough to make her dream of the possible future. “I might as well be dead because Rao, I felt nothing. Lena made me love again, Morgana. She made me love again at the time I thought I couldn’t anymore. And I was loved. I was loved again. She saw me at my worst. Yet she still loves me.”

“But most importantly, Lena… Lena taught me how to love myself again. I.. I’ve blamed and hated myself for every thing for the past eight years. I didn’t think it’s possible for someone to hate me more. But I did it, Morgana. I learned to love myself again. Because of her. Because of Lena.”

“for the first time in a long time, I feel… Alive… Free..  Loved.” She adds, looking up at the birds in the sky once again. “I feel like Me again… different but somehow still  _me._ ‘

“Unlike you, Lena didn’t show me paradise. She showed me the world. The reality. She showed me how the world can be scary, painful. Unfair. How it’s not all rainbows and sunshine. It’s messy and chaotic. But at the same time she showed me how beautiful it can be. And Rao, Morgana. She’s right. Life can be beautiful if one gives it a chance. And I want to give it a chance, Morgana. It’s time I do.”

“Wherever you are now, you don’t have to worry about me anymore.” Kara stands, leaving the book with the ring on the ground. She traces the engravings on the tree, smiling. “I have Lena now. Someone who makes me happy when I had no reason to be. You would have loved her too, Morgana. I know I really do.”

Kara takes a deep breath, staring up at the sky. “It’s time. It’s time/” She whispers, walking back to the castle, leaving everything but her memory of Morgana behind.

Kara would always love Morgana. She would always be thankful for the time they had together no matter how short it was. But it’s time to let her go. It’s time to let Morgana rest in peace. It’s time to fulfill Morgana’s wish. – that Kara would be able to find love and happiness even without her. It’s time to leave the pain behind. It’s time to move on. To love and be loved again. To be happy again.

It’s time to open her heart to someone else.

It’s time to admit that she is in love with Lena Luthor.

It’s time to let Lena love her.

It’s time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? Do you think Kara saying goodbye to Morgana is okay or a little bit too much? Anyways hope you liked this chapter. I felt like it was too long. sorry for that. and oh, i like the idea of lex being a good brother to our baby Lena.
> 
> If you were at Lena's shoes tho and Kara had just said what she just said, what would have you done? Honestly? Especially if you dont know Kara's POV. Would you have told her the truth or kept your silence for awhile?
> 
> Side note: who tf is still freaking out about 2x20?! bc i still am!! Seriously when u have high hopes the show dissapoints but when you least expect it to, supergirl delivers!!! did you see Kara's face while looking at Lena walking away? Or how Lena is happiest whenever she's with Kara? Or how protective Kara got when Rhea answered the phone? damn everything about it is so gay. And NEXT EPISODE IS GOING TO BE LIT AF! 
> 
> NO PROOFREADING ERRORS ARE MINE


	16. You lied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up friends, It's going to be a lengthy one. This chapter deals with Kara's relationship w the different Characters and not just Lena tho. Hope u still enjoy it 
> 
> NO TIME FOR PROOFREADING SORRY

                                                                                           

Kara Zor-El Danvers had never been a morning person. – not until now, at least. She never thought she would have the motivation to wake up but she was wrong. How could she not be a morning person when she is waking up next to the person she loves?

Waking up next to Lena in her bed is everything Kara had never thought of feeling but had always wanted. It was a surreal feeling. All she could do is stare at Lena, sleeping right beside her. Kara’s gaze doesn’t leave Lena. If she’s being honest, she’s actually scared.

Kara’s scared that even if she just blinks, yesterday didn’t happen. She’s afraid that if she just takes her eyes off the raven haired beauty beside her, even just for a few seconds,  all of these will just be a figment of her imagination. Kara is terrified that she’d wake up and find out that this is all just a dream.

So she doesn’t go back to sleep like she normally does. She just stares at the woman she loves longingly as she smiles towards herself.

_Is this what having a reason to wake up feels like?_

Lena stretches a little bit, groaning as she tries to open her eyes. The moment she does, she smiles. How could she not when the first thing Lena sees is the love of her life?

“Kara” Lena smiles, her voice coming out so dreamily. “I’ve never seen you awake this early.”

“Well, there’s a first time for everything.” The blonde princess says, giving back Lena a wide smile.

“Good morning, darling.” Lena reaches Kara’s cheeks, giving the princess a soft kiss on the lips.

“What?” Lena asks, raising her eyebrow, resting her head on her hand as she looks at Kara who is looking right in her eyes.

“I’m–“ Kara lets out a deep breath, smiling as she shakes her head. “I’m happy.”

_Is this what happiness feels like? Is this what being happy with Lena feels like?_

“Lena, I’m happy” Kara adds, taking Lena’s hand, still keeping her gaze locked on Lena’s eyes. Her voice filled with ecstasy. It was like Kara didn’t believe that this right here is actually happening.

 _I’m happy._ – Those two words are music to Lena’s ears. Knowing that somehow she had caused Kara’s happiness when the blonde clearly wasn’t able to have it for the past years gives Lena butterflies in her stomach. It makes her heart jump.

The smile on Lena’s face slowly fades away though as she remembers the situation they’re in. She had dug up this whole of lies deeper and deeper and she doesn’t know if she could climb it back up. She should have told Kara the truth. She still should. She just really needs time to make sure that Kara has no interest of taking the path of self destructiveness. She has to make sure Kara could take the pain of knowing someone had just lied to her again.

Before Kara could notice the internal monologue Lena is having in her head, she leans forward, both the tip of their noses touching the others. Lena moves her nose from left to right, giving Kara an Eskimo kiss.

Kara couldn’t help but feel giddy at this. She couldn’t even explain to herself what she’s feeling. She is just too happy. It was an unusual feeling for her but she didn’t mind. She just woke up right next to Lena and she doesn’t mind doing it for the rest of her life. It’s something she looks forward to.

Kara, still grinning, slides her arm around Lena’s waist underneath their blanket, wanting to pull Lena closer to her.

Kara stops and stiffens as her eyes go wild.

“Kara?”

Kara opens her mouth, wanting to say something but fails. Kara doesn’t speak for a moment and she is starting to turn scarlet red. – like really red.

“I–“ Kara tries to speak, not daring to move. Lena could see the panic in the blonde’s eyes and she sure knows what’s about to come; Kara being a rambling mess. “I– Lena– You’re… uh. You– You’re naked!”

“Kara, honey.” Lena laughs. That’s why Kara is blushing and not moving her hand on Lena’s naked body. “So are you.” Lena adds, looking at Kara as she bites her lips.

“What?” Kara’s eyes widen even more as she realizes that yes, she in fact is naked under the blanket. “Oh! Yeah!” She adds, pulling the blanket to cover her body, leaving Lena’s figure totally uncovered.

“Oh rao, I’m sorry!” Kara immediately covers Lena’s body with the blanket, her eyes widening even more.

Lena just smirks, her eyes darting towards Kara, traveling slowly from the blonde’s eyes to what’s below. Kara follows Lena’s gaze and turns even more red as she realizes that now she’s the one fully uncovered.

“Oh Rao!”

“Oh darling” Lena laughs, shaking her head. She forgot how Kara can be a mess. The morning after Morgana and Kara had made love to each other for the first time, Kara was a stuttering mess too.

“Relax. It’s not like I haven’t explored every bit of that last night.” Lena smirks, teasing Kara knowing full well the effect she has on the princess.

“Lena!”

Lena’s smirk fades however as fear sets in. “wait, do you regret what happened?”

“What?!” Kara almost shouts loudly that the whole kingdom would have probably heard them. “Of course not! It’s just… I forgot we were naked, okay?”

“You forgot we were naked?” Lena smirks, teasing Kara once again. “Kara we woke up right next to each other”

“I know. It’s just…” Kara rolls her eyes as she sees Lena smirking, realizing that the knight really likes to make her flustered. “Come here.” She groans, pulling Lena’s naked body to hers.

“What? At this very moment?” Lena fakes her shock, twitching the corner of her lips. “Kara darling, I can’t come right away. You got to put some effort into it.”

“I. – What? I uh– That’s… That’s not what I mean.” Kara stutters, blushing even more. “Lena!”

Lena laughs, pulling Kara in her arms. The blonde buries her head on Lena’s neck, putting her arm on Lena’s waist.

“I’m happy too, Kara.” Lena whispers, stroking Kara’s hair. She could feel the blonde’s lips move on her skin. She’s pretty sure Kara just smiled. “I love you, Kara.”

“I love you, Lena Luthor. My Lena.” Kara smiles, taking in Lena’s scent as she intertwines their fingers.

_This is what love feels like. This right here is love._

Kara had almost forgotten what it feels like and she couldn’t be happier to feel it now. This right here with Lena is love. It’s everything to Kara. It’s like the Kryptonian princess had woken up from a nightmare of what the past 8 years of her life had been.

She had said her goodbyes to Morgana. She had let her go. And after that, all she wanted was to be with Lena. She didn’t expect that it would lead them to this. Kara was so scared because what if attempting to make love to Lena would drive the knight away? What if the knight didn’t think she was good enough? What if Kara messes up?

All her worries however were washed away by Lena. It was more than what Kara had imagined, more than what she had hoped for. Last night was amazing, epic. It was surreal. – Breath taking. It was passion. It was…

_It was love. It’s love._

Sex was the easy part. It’s physical. It’s chemical. Opening up your soul to someone, letting them see the parts of you that are kept hidden away, the good and the bad, letting them know who you truly are in the depths of your soul… That’s the hard part.

And Kara had done both with Lena. And if only she knew it would feel this way, she would have done it sooner.

***

_Lena’s gaze travel through Kara’s naked body on below her, mesmerized by how perfect Kara is. She leans over, resting her palm on both sides of Kara’s head, trapping the Kryptonian between her arms. She’s about to kiss Kara when Lena stops midway, pausing as she sees Kara’s eyes._

_Lena wanted this. She had wanted this for so long and she wants it now. But if Kara wasn’t ready, she would never push the girl._

_“Kara?” Lena asks, making sure Kara was alright. “Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?”_

_Kara gulps. The fear in her eyes shining through. But it wasn’t that kind of fear Lena thinks it is. It’s something different._

_“I... I’m… My body… It’s not…” Kara sighs, trying to find the right words. “I have so many scars, Lena.” She adds with a tone of disgust in her voice like it was something to be ashamed of._

_“Kara” Lena tilts Kara’s chin up to meet her gaze. She understands now the fear that was in Kara’s eyes. It was the fear of rejection. The fear of not being enough, not being good enough. Lena can’t help but think that if only Kara knew… Kara has always been more than enough for Lena._

_“I know, darling. And it’s okay. They’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.”_

_“They’re ugly.” Kara scoffs, looking away from Lena. “It’s a symbol of my weaknesses.”_

_Lena lets out a sharp breath. She knows how Kara can be stubborn and hard headed. She knows that Kara is still thinking the worst somehow and Lena hates it._

_“Kara, they’re not.” Lena says, sitting up straight to look at Kara’s body. “They don’t symbolize your weakness, darling.” Lena traces the scars on Kara’s back, her fingertips exploring more and more of the blonde’s scars on her body throughout the years.”They prove that you’re a survivor, Kara. That despite everything, you’re still here.”_

_Lena’s fingertips reach the scar on Kara’s left chest. Lena traces it as she looks at Kara in the eye. “You’re here. You’re here with me, Kara.” Lena looks down, staring at Kara’s scar as she smiles slowly. “I love them.”_

_“I– I love you.” Lena adds, leaning over, locking her lips with Kara’s own._

_“I love you too, Lena.” Kara smiles through their kiss._

_Lena bites Kara’s bottom lip as she pulls back from the kiss. She leans over Kara’s body kissing the scar her father had put on Kara. Her lips travel throughout Kara’s body, taking her time to kiss each and every scar as she touches Kara everywhere._

_“rao, I really really love you, Lena.” Kara adds, pulling Lena up for a passionate kiss. She had kissed Lena a lot of times today but the feeling she gets never fades. Kissing Lena still feels like a breath of fresh air after drowning for many years._

_“Kara?” Lena pulls back for a moment as she feels Kara’s hands shaking. “Are you sure?”_

_Kara smiles, trying to stop shaking because rao, she’s nervous. She nervous in a good way and at the same time really excited. It’s an exhilarating feeling._

_“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life, Lena.” Kara smiles._

_Lena leans over, deepening the kiss they had moments ago. Her hands move across Kara’s body, exploring every inch Kara._

_Kara feels like Lena’s touch was magic. It makes Kara feel more alive than ever. It was nerve ending. Kara closes her eyes, lost in Lena’s touch as she sighs, grinning to herself because this… This isn’t just sex. This is intimate. It’s a whole new level of intimacy and Kara couldn’t help it as tears fill her eyes, thanking whoever out there in the universe is responsible for this because if she’s going to do intimate, she’s thankful that it’s with Lena._

***

 

As she lies in bed, naked with Lena and not just in a literal sense but in a whole new different level because she feels like her soul is naked as well. Lena seeing right through her, Kara feels utterly vulnerable. But Kara doesn’t mind because she trusts Lena with her whole heart.

Yes, she may feel vulnerable right now but she also feels safest right in Lena’s arms. She feels safe and protected. She feels like –in Lena’s arms– she is in the most secure place in this world. In Lena’s arms, she feels like no one could possibly hurt her. Because she knows, Lena wouldn’t let anyone.

If she and Lena could stay right there and then forever, she would.

 

“Kara! I hate you.” The princess hears the voice coming from outside her door. She immediately pulls up the blanket up to her neck and pushes Lena down underneath the blanket to hide her. Kara grabs some pillows and puts them on top of her.

“I mean I don’t hate you but I hate you for not finding me right away!” Alex says as she enters the room, putting her arms on her waist. “I had to find out you woke up from the servants, Kara! Do you know how worried we were?!”

Kara doesn’t know what to say. She had been too caught up with her emotions and feelings for Morgana and Lena that she had failed to consider that Alex was waiting for her to wake up too.

“Alex. Rao, I’m sorry.” Kara says, looking at her sister apologetically. A sudden burst of guilt rushes through her. “I… I needed rest and I wasn’t thinking.”

“It’s okay.” Alex sighs, realizing her sister’s health is the priority here. “but Kara, seriously. I’ve been so worried. Mon-El has been MIA from the castle, trying to distract himself. And Lena… Do you even know how worried that woman is for you?”

Kara bites her lips and clenches the blanket she’s holding, trying to stop herself from showing any reaction. Yeah, Lena is really worried for her. Yeah right. Maybe if Lena wasn’t naked on top of Kara underneath the blanket and blowing _down there_ as she traces Kara’s body, trying to tease the blonde.

“Ufgh” Kara coughs, bucking her hips, trying to send Lena a message to stop. “Well, If Lena is worried. She shouldn’t be. She. Should. Stop. Whatever she’s doing. Right. Away.”

Alex raises her eyebrow, not understanding Kara’s sudden change of tone. That’s when she takes in Kara’s whole appearance. A thick blanket covering her sister and there are just too many pillows on top of her.

“Kara? Are you feeling hot? Are you sick?”

Oh, Kara is feeling hot, okay. Just not that kind of hot.

Lena smirks, listening to the conversation of the Danvers sisters. She couldn’t see Kara but she is pretty sure Kara is turning red right now, trying to contain herself with what Lena has been doing to her underneath the blanket.

Lena traces Kara’s thighs, her hand slowly touching and reaching the most private part of Kara’s body. She blows a little and Kara’s hips moves once again. Lena smirks knowing she sends shivers through Kara’s body. Her fingertips slowly touch the tip of Kara’s clit, earning another fake cough from Kara, probably to hide her moan.

She strokes Kara’s clit once.

“Ugh” Kara coughs, trying so hard to speak properly. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Are you sure? You don’t look like it” Alex adds.

Lena finally touches Kara’s wet folds.

“I’m sure, ahhh.. Alex.” Kara says, clenching the blanket so hard as she tries her best not to make any movement. Oh rao, Lena Luthor will be the death of her.

“Okay. I’m really glad you’re awake, Kara. You had so worried” Alex says, attempting to sit beside Kara to hug her.

“No!” Kara stops Alex from taking some more steps. “I… I don’t. I just need big physical space for awhile.”

“Oh, okay. Sorry, sis. Anyways, I’ve told everyone about you waking up. We should celebrate later. Don’t worry.  It’ll be just us, your closest friends. Although I can’t seem to find Lena.”

And at that moment, Lena just had to put her tongue inside Kara, humming at Kara’s taste, sending vibrations, making the blonde lose control.

“Aaahh” Kara moans, closing her eyes, bucking her hips to meet Lena’s tongue.

Alex mistakes this for pain so she surges forward, sitting beside Kara, pushing all the pillows aside as she touches her sister’s neck to check if she’s having a fever or something.

“Kara, are you okay? Oh god, are you naked?” Alex asks, her eyes widening. “Oh god! You are naked!”

“uhggf” Kara clears her throat, trying to regain her self control, blushing even more. “Umm…”

Alex’ eyes dart towards the figure that the pillows now failed to cover. Her eyes widen at the realization of what she had walked in.

“Oh god, don’t tell me Lena is right in there!” Alex groans, backing away from the bed. “Kara!!”

Lena moves up, pushing the blanket aside, revealing only her face. “Hey Alex!” She smirks, wiggling her eyebrows, teasing Alex.

Kara looks really embarrassed but Alex looks mortified.

“Oh god Kara, Lena! Oh god god! I can never unsee this!” Alex says, covering her eyes, as she heads out towards the door. “god! You both are the worst! Oh god! Oh god!”

Lena straddles Kara, laughing at Alex on her way out. Lena could see Kara still blushing. She enters a finger in Kara’s wet folds, earning another moan from the blonde.

“LENA!!!!” Kara gently smacks the knight’s shoulders. “You can’t just do that!”

Lena chuckles, leaning forward and locking her lips with Kara’s.

“Now,where were we?” Lena says, smirking at the flustered princess right in front of her.

 

* * *

 

“Mon-El!”

Mon-El jumps, startled by the sound of Kara’s voice out of nowhere.

“You’re awfully jumpy, today?” Kara raises her eyebrow.

“Kara!” Mon-El ignores Kara’s comment as he smiles widely, running to Kara for a quick embrace. “I’m glad you’re finally awake! You had us all worried, you know.”

 “I’ve had worse.” Kara says, squeezing Mon-El’s hand.

The prince knows it’s not true. Kara and Mon-El had bond over and she had told Mon-El the basics of what her life had become after Morgana’s death. But Mon-El is pretty sure nothing was worse than what Kara had just gone through.

Just imagine the person who you once respected, the father of the person you love the most, torture you and blame you somehow. The prince is even surprised Kara still had that wide grin on her face right now considering when he first got here; Kara was all about grumpy and dark clouds.

Now his friend seems to be glowing and smiling. Okay, it’s weird.

“Can I– Can I talk to you about something?” Kara says, her smiling slowly fading.

“I think I understand now.” Mon-el smiles, his eyes widening at the realization. He gestures his hand over Kara’s face. “This… It’s because of her, isn’t it? It’s because of Lena.”

“What? Ho– How did you know?”

“Kara” He smiles, holding Kara’s shoulders to assure her. “You were what? Unconscious for a week or more? You didn’t witness Alex freaking out every day. You didn’t see Lena crying by your side every day, hoping you’d finally wake up.”

“I’m… I’m sorry I got you all worried.”

“Stop apologizing, Kara. It’s not your fault.”

“Mon” Kara sighs, taking a deep breath as she prepares herself for what she was about to say. “I don’t know how to say this. But.. but I–“

“Can’t marry me” Mon-El interrupts, cutting Kara off. “I know, Kar. It’s okay.”

“Are you ever going to let me finish my sentence” Kara smiles, hugging her friend for being so understanding.  “But how about our parents? Our kingdom? I can’t let Alex marry you, Mon.”

“She won’t Kar. I won’t let that happen. I’ll try to talk to my parents when they get back here.”

“hmmm.” Kara says, arching her eyebrow up, curious about the sudden change in the prince’s opinion. “not that I’m ungrateful or anything but what happened to _we have no choice it’s our kingdom?”_

“You’re not the only one who can change her mind, you know. I’m really glad you and Lena are finally together. Rao, you two were so oblivious. It was obvious to everyone you had feelings for each other.”

“Hey! I got issues that I had to deal with.” Kara says, giggling as she nudges the prince. “But anyways, spit it out.”

“What do you mean spit it out?”

“Oh please Mon-El. I may be oblivious but I’m not stupid.” Kara rolls her eyes. “You’re serious today and that’s not you. What’s wrong?”

“Can’t I just be serious?”

Kara glares at Mon-El and the prince finally surrenders.

“Fine. I met someone, Kar. And it’s so confusing. I don’t understand it.”

“Really? Who is she? How? When?” Kara was practically squealing. “Wait, what do you mean confusing?”

“I don’t know. It’s just that after Gwen, I thought that’s it. But then have you ever met someone and you just– “

“Clicked?” Kara adds, finishing Mon-El’s sentemce. “I have. Mon,  you have to remember everyone is not like Gwen. Not everyone is a cheater. So don’t hold back because of that.”

“It’s not that. I mean yah, at first I was thinking about that.” Mon-EL sighs, finding it hard to explain to Kara what he really means. “It’s just this whole feeling I get is something new. I’ve never felt this before. And I don’t know if it’s right. It’s really confusing. I don’t know.”

“I asked Alex knowing and all that stuff. You wanna know what she said?” Kara smiles, squeezing Mon-El’s hand for comfort as she looks into his eyes. “You just know. You just know, Mon.”

“Thanks Kar.”

“Who is she anyways? How did you meet?”

“She?” Mon-El scoffs. “I met this person outside a blacksmith’s shop when I was trying to distract myself because like I said, you had us all scared. I know it’s not that long but I… I just felt the connection, you know.”

“I just what you and Lena have” He adds.

And Kara couldn’t help but smile at that thought;

_What Kara and Lena have_

 

* * *

 

Having brunch here at the field during this sunny day with Alex, Maggie, Lena and Mon-El makes Kara’s heart warm. Not long ago, she would not have bothered talking to anyone. The only person she really talked to was Alex.

After everyone left, dead or alive, Kara had told herself she wouldn’t let anyone do that to her anymore. They couldn’t leave if she wouldn’t let anyone in close enough, could they? So Kara didn’t have friends or people that she cares about. It has always just been her sister.

But now seeing these people around her as they hang out together and have fun, she realizes what she had missed out. Kara looks back and realized how closed off she was.

It’s a funny thing how a year can change you. Last year, she was nowhere near this person she is now. She was angry and bitter. She was someone who hates herself. She was alone. Kara was basically a dead person walking.

Yet now, she has all these people in her life. She doesn’t only feel the love from Lena. She could feel it radiating from her friends as well. Looking back at what her life used to be, at who she used to be, Kara feels like a completely different person.

All Kara wishes now is for this to last. For no one in her life to leave anymore.

“Winn?” Kara couldn’t hide the surprise in her voice as Winn sits down with them, joining their picnic. “I mean. Who are you?”

Everyone stares at Kara and they all burst into laughter.

“Oh come here, Kara” Winn pulls the princess for a tight embrace, missing her friend so much. “Don’t ever scare us like that again.”

“Wha–“

“Kara, please.” Maggie rolls her eyes, still laughing as she shakes her head. “We all know _Kiera_ is the Kryptonian Princess Kara”

“What?” Kara tries to deny. She looks at Alex, glaring at her sister. “You told her?”

Alex laughs. “Kara, I didn’t even know you were pretending to be somebody else. And by the way you could have picked a different name.”

“The glasses don’t really help Kara. And don’t you think I wouldn’t know my girl’s kid sister when I look at her?” Maggie says, smiling at the princess.

“And Lena had always been around with you in Cat’s pub.” Winn adds.

“It’s okay, darling.” Lena pulls Kara in her arms, pinching her nose, making the blonde blush. “You’re not exactly good at being sneaky.”

“Hey I can be sneaky!” Kara pouts.. “how– how long have you known anyways?”

“I hate to admit it but I just knew. When you weren’t there at the pub for quite awhile, I got worried. And Maggie thought I had the right to know my friend is in danger,” Winn says, recalling the time he almost had a heart attack, not believing his friend was the actual princess.

“ Well, I suspected from the start. When you walked in on me and Alex, that when I confirmed it.”

“Ew! Maggie! Don’t remind me!” Kara makes a grossed out face as she remembers the time she had walked in on Alex and Maggie having sex in her sisters room.

“Well, I guess you and your sister are even now” Lena adds, laughing, making Alex choke while drinking from her glass of water.

“Lena!!!” Kara and Alex both say in unison while Maggie, Mon-El and Winn just stare at them curiously, wanting to know what the three had meant.

“I still can’t believe you know. I mean I was so proud of myself because no one knew.” Kara says a little bit disappointed that everyone actually knew. “Wait. You’re not mad at me?”

“Kara, I’m just glad you’re okay now.” Winn says, squeezing Kara’s hand. He would have hugged her again but it seemed like Kara couldn’t be taken away from Lena’s arms anymore. It’s distracting to see Kara like that. Is she even the girl Winn had become friends with?

“What’s new with you, Winnskie?” Kara asks, wanting to hear about what she had missed with her friend’s life.

“Nothing much.” Winn shrugs. “Oh I just met someone while I was working in my dad’s shop. I really like him but..”

“But?”

“He’s complicated.” Winn adds. “He’s not really sure if he wants me or not.”

“Awww Winnskie” Kara gives him a hug. “He’ll come around. Wait, isn’t your dad a blacksmith?”

Kara turns to Mon-El, smiling. “Didn’t you meet someone in a blacksmith’s shop too? Maybe Winn it was in Winn’s shop. Oh Rao this is amazing. What a small world.”

Mon-El slightly chokes at what he’s eating while Winn looks away, avoiding eye contact as he fidgets.

“Yeah. What a small world.” The prince repeats.

It was the first time Mon-El had talked. Kara wonders what was going on with his mind. He’s really unusually quiet today.

 

 

“Hey Maggie” Kara sits between her friend and her sister, leaning over to Maggie to whisper something. “I love you and you’re my friend. But if you hurt Alex in anyway…um”

Maggie stares at Kara, gritting her teeth, trying not to burst out laughing because she knows what Kara is trying to do. She’s giving Maggie the talk and Kara couldn’t be worst at it.

“Um.. Uh… I’ll– I’ll let you clean the whole castle without uh, without rest.”

Maggie couldn’t stop herself from laughing. And apparently, Kara’s voice wasn’t soft enough that everyone in their circle heard it, thus making them all laugh again.

“Oh honey, Are you giving Maggie the shovel talk?” Lena teases.

Kara glares at her, warning the knight to stop teasing her.

“It’s okay, Kara.” Maggie puts a hand on Kara’s shoulders, assuring her. She transfers her gaze at Alex, looking the older princess in the eyes, smiling. “I love your sister too much.”

“It looks good on you, sis.” Alex whispers to Kara, finally having the chance to talk to her without their friends listening.

Kara, who was still smiling, turns to look at Alex, her eyebrow arching up. “What?”

“Happy.” Alex gestures over Kara’s face, pointing out what she means. “Being happy suits you. I remember this version of you when we were still young.”

Kara turns, staring at the raven haired beauty as the gush of wind blows the knight’s hair. At that moment, it feels like Kara’s world just suddenly slowed down. The princess smiles, feeling mesmerized by the woman she’s madly and deeply in love with.

“How could I not be?” She whispers, her eyes never leaving Lena who was still laughing talking to Winn.

“Alex, I need to tell you something” She adds, Kara’s smile faltering.

“It’s okay, sis. Let’s talk about it another time.” Alex smiles, squeezing her sister’s hand for assurance. “Mon-El told me. We are not marrying anybody.”

Kara smiles, turning to look at Mon-El who was suspiciously fidgeting around Winn. The Kryptonian princess returns her gaze back at Lena and this time Lena stares at her, both women lost in each other’s gaze.

“I am.” Kara widens her smile, shaking her head.

 “I’m going to marry her. I’m sure” She whispers only for Alex to hear as those piercing blue eyes meet the tantalizing emerald green.

 

* * *

 

 

Kara had talked to Mon-El this morning and she was glad the prince was on board in it. It’s ironic because the first time they had met, she had initially hated the guy. And now, it turns out they are pretty good friends who tell each other about their love lives.

Everything is going great so far. Now all she needed to do is talk to her adoptive parents about this.

“Kara?” Jeremiah pauses, staring at Kara curiously. “What are you doing here?”

“Umm” Kara fidgets, trying to find the courage to speak. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Can’t this wait, sweetie? You dad is leaving in a few minutes.” Eliza says, looking a bit worried as she stares at Jeremiah preparing his things.

“It’s actually important.” The princess sighs.

Jeremiah stops whatever he’s doing and focus his attention to Kara. “Okay what is it, sweetie?”

“I can’t. I can’t marry the prince of  Daxam”

“We’ve talked about this, Kara.” Jeremiah spats, his worried look awhile ago turning into an irritated one. “are you saying Alex should be the one to marry him?”

“What?! No!”

“Kara, what are you saying?” Eliza holds Kara’s hand, squeezing it.

“I’m saying no one should marry for reasons other than love.” Kara says, her voice sounding so defeated and she can’t help but think that this might be useless.

“Kara, seriously, this is enough. You promised this time it will be different. This time it won’t be like the other fiancées you had!” Jeremiah exclaims as he resumed fixing his armor, clearly angry and frustrated with Kara. “Alex was going to marry him and then you said you were. Now you wont and you want Alex not to either?! Quit playing games, Kara–“

“Jeremiah–” Eliza tries to calm her husband but was just cut off.

“You have been doing this for how many years and I won’t let you put the alliance in jeopardy. Decide what you want, Kara Zor-El but if you don’t marry Daxam’s prince, Alex will.”

“But that’s not it. It’s not like my other fiancées. I’m not trying to–“

“Stop, Kara! My decision is final!”

“Just please, listen to me.” Kara begs, her tears starting to stream down her face. Jeremiah had it so wrong. Kara wasn’t being the way she was with her other fiancées. She’s not some princess brat right now trying to do whatever she pleases not caring for what others think. She really wants to talk to her adoptive parents about how she feels.

“We are done talking, Kara.”

“But… But I can’t marry Mon-El. Alex can’t either. Love–“

“Love can be learned. In time, it can. The kingdom above all else, Kara. That’s what we signed up for when _you_ refused the throne. And that is what we are doing now.”

Kara was taken aback by Jeremiah’s words. She had always blamed herself for things but hearing the truth from Jeremiah himself, it made a whole in Kara’s heart.

“You would sacrifice you own daughter? It’s not even a complete Alliance! They wouldn’t even help up if things get worst with Camelot! Don’t mind me, I’m willing to take the responsibility from Alex. But you…” Kara stares right into the king’s eyes and then to the queen’s. “Both of you are willing to sacrifice your daughter’s happiness for some _playing safe_ kingdom! Is that what Alex is worth to you?!”

“Real nice!” Kara spats, running out of the room, her hands still shaking and tears still flowing.

 

* * *

 

When Lena sees Kara sitting alone in the garden, she immediately runs up to her. She sneaks up on the princess, putting her palms on Kara, covering the blonde’s eyes.

“Guess who?” Lena says, nibbling on Kara’s earlobe.

Kara smiles as she twitches, feeling the shiver that rushes through her as she feels Lena’s breath on her nape, sending the princess goosebumps.

Instead of answering, Kara turns her head to kiss Lena, her hands cupping Lena’s cheek. “I miss you.”

“We’ve only been apart for a few hours but I miss you too, darling.” Lena says, sitting beside Kara, intertwining their fingers. Her smile falters as she notices Kara’s puffy eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Can we not talk about it for awhile?” Kara says, clinging to Lena’s arms, in desperate need for her girl’s warmth and comfort.

“Of course.” Lena looks at the horizon and a sudden thought comes in mind. She stands, smiling as she offers a hand to Kara. “Let’s go?”

Kara raises her eyebrow, her crinkle on her forehead appearing. “Where are we going?”

Lena grins as Kara takes her hand. “You’ll see.”

  

****

Kara and Lena took Krypto. It was only 10 to 15 minutes away from the castle. It’s far from the paradise Morgana and Kara had but this… This was something else.

Kara and Lena sits on the blanket that the knight had laid out for them near at the end of the cliff. Kara could see the villages of the kingdom from here. It’s not much but it’s still beautiful.

Kara arches her back, her hand holding her weight. She smiles, closing her eyes as she feels the gush of wind blowing her hair.

Lena is content in watching Kara. Kara right now is so carefree… Alive. And Lena wishes for it to be Kara’s everyday feeling.

“You really like high places, huh?” Lena comments, still watching Kara.

“I told you. I always feel Alive when I’m up. Free like a bird. Like the rest of the world down there, doesn’t matter. What matters is what is up here.” Kara slowly opens her eyes, intertwining her fingers with Lena. She stares right at those tantalizing green eyes and smiles. “You matter.”

Lena smiles and pulls Kara in her arms, having the most surreal feeling ever.

“You wanna know why I love sunsets?” Lena whispers as she and Kara stare at the horizon, the sun slowly setting. “It reminds me that as the day ends, there will be a new one that awaits tomorrow. Sunsets remind me that when one is ending, another will begin.”

“That actually makes so much sense.” Kara says, her head still leaning on Lena’s shoulder.

They keep their comfortable silence for a few minutes as they take in the beautiful scene of the sun setting right in front their eyes. It’s just a simple thing really. Lena and Kara watching the sun set but it gives the both of them the feeling that despite all the things that await them back at the castle, everything will somehow turn out fine.

“Lena?” Kara breaks the silence with a gentle voice.

“Hmm?”

“I’m happy I’ll get to spend those tomorrows with you.” Kara whispers. “You’ll spend those tomorrows with me, right?”

“Always, princess.” Lena smiles, pulling Kara even close in her arms as she kisses Kara’s head. “Always.”

“Twice.”

“Hmmm?” Lena asks, not knowing what Kara had meant.

“You asked me before how many times have I fallen in love. The answer is twice. Once when I was this young girl with the perfect life. And the second is now. Even right at this moment…”

Kara sighs, letting out a deep breath, squeezing Lena’s hand as she smiles. “I’m falling more and more.”

 

* * *

 

 

It was already dark by the time Kara and Lena had gotten back in the castle. There was something odd around the place. Lena knew there would be lesser guards today. The king had received a word that Astra’s army needed help. Camelot’s army had killed many on their men.

King Jeremiah had thought that this has to stop. He needed to protect his family. He needed to see things for himself and bring Astra back to Kara. Jeremiah had decided to go with more of Krypton’s men, wanting to convince Astra to leave the battle behind and go back to Kara. He needed to convince Astra to let the others protect Krypton’s villages.

Lena knew there would be lesser guards. But here, right now, there are completely none. It was very unusual. The castle feels like a ghost town. Everything was quiet and dark.

“Ssshhh” Lena pulls Kara behind her, signaling the blonde to keep quiet and keep her head down.

Lena takes a peak at the window from outside. She could see the guards who were left behind unconscious and tossed in a room. She doesn’t tell Kara this. Lena doesn’t want Kara to worry or panic.

_Think. Think Think.._

Lena breathes in and breathes out, trying to think of a way to save everyone. It was a good thing Kara and Lena weren’t here. But rao, the castle looks so compromised. Lena thinks, reminding herself that she’s smart and she’s the best. She’s a pro at chess and she excels in strategizing and techniques. She just has to be patient enough and Kara….

She has to take Kara somewhere safe. She couldn’t do her duty and think straight when she is worried about Kara’s safety.

They tip toe around the castle, trying to get to the entrance of the tunnels. It’s a good thing they both know the tunnels so perfectly. And Camelot’s people might not even know about it.

Kara glances through the window for a few seconds. “Eliza” she gasps.

Lena immediately puts her palm on Kara’s mouth covering it as she pushes the blonde to the wall, hiding from the knight that heard the blonde’s voice. Lena could feel Kara’s body trembling, her heart beat speeding up erratically.

She puts her index finger on her mouth, gesturing Kara to be quiet. The blonde princess nods and they continue on their way to the tunnels.

Upon reaching the tunnels, finally sure no one could hear them,  Kara lets out a sharp breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“Oh rao! Oh rao! Oh rao!” Kara says, her body still trembling. She’s sure she is having a panic attack right now.

Everything just feels scary. All those fights and hand to hand combat she had in the streets seem not to matter anymore. All the training Kara and Lena had done seem to be useless anymore. Panic and fear surges through Kara’s veins, a hundred scenarios playing in her mind. She tries to breathe but couldn’t. All she could think is the day Krypton’s castle was attacked.

“Kara, sweetie. Look at me. Look at me!” Lena cups Kara’s cheek, making sure the princess stares right in her eyes. “Breathe for me okay. Just breathe for me.”

Kara nods, trying her best. After a few moments, she is finally able to breathe normally but fear and panic still very evident in her.

“Rao, Lena. I can’t I can’t do this again. I–“ Kara shakes her head, her tears streaming down her face.

Lena immediately pulls Kara into her arms, embracing the blonde. She could feel Kara relaxing a little bit.

“Someone has a blade on Eliza’s neck, Lena.” Kara says, pulling back from the hug. “I– I can’t do this again. The last time I saw her, I accused them of not caring about Alex. I accused them of being bad parents. Oh rao, Lena. It’s just like what happened with me and my parents. I can’t… I have to go get them.”

“Hey. Hey” Lena pulls Kara back, stopping her steps. “It’s not like the last time okay. I’m here. And after all of this is over, you could apologize to your parents. You’re not losing them, alright? This is not like the last time. Do you understand me? It’s not.”

Kara nods, believing Lena. Something in Lena’s voice just makes Kara assured. Like no matter what Lena says and promises, it’s going to be true.

“But ho– how?”

“I’ll go get them. You just stay here.”

“Lena! No. I can’t. I can’t lose you too!”

“Kara, I promise. I’ll be back. But I need you to stay here and be safe.”

“You– You promise?” Kara’s voice breaks as tears stream down her face.

Lena pulls Kara for a kiss. And Kara doesn’t want it to stop. She doesn’t want to let Lena go because this just feels utterly familiar.

Morgana had promised Kara once too and kissed her. But after the couple had parted, Morgana was met by her death. And Kara doesn’t know if she could take that happening to Lena.

“I promise I’ll come back to you.” Lena says, pulling away as she heads out the tunnel.

 

* * *

 

After disarming the knights of Camelot along the hallway one by one and trapping them in one room, Lena had finally able to locate where they were keeping the royal family.

Eliza was sitting on the chair, her hands tied at her back. Alex was tied on the floor too at the right side corner of the room just beside the prince of Daxam. Lex was standing ar the left side of the room, his hands cuffed on the window’s grill. With a total of five Camelot knights inside the room, all of their faces look so hopeless.

“Drop the blade.” Lena says, entering the room with a sword on the neck of one of Camelot’s knight she had unarmed.

Everyone’s eyes were on her now.

“Lena” Lex whispers, shaking her head, trying to stop her sister from committing suicide because that’s the only explanation Lex could think right now.

“What makes you think one life is more important than our duty?” The knight holding the blade on Eliza’s neck scoffs. “You can kill him. Or not. But either way that won’t stop us from doing our job. We’re just waiting for orders to kill or capture the queen and her family.”

“and we will Kill her” Arthur says, stepping inside the room.

“No! No!” Alex begs, tears streaming down her face. “no! Mom! Mom!”

“It’s alright, sweetie” Eliza whispers, smiling as tears fall from her eyes as well.

Lena pushes the knight he was holding away, pointing the sword at Arthur, her body overcome with rage, feeling so betrayed by her own brother.

The Camelot’s knight was about to come in Arthur’s defense when the prince gestures a hand, ordering them to stop.

“Lena!” Lex warns. He honestly doesn’t know what to feel about his best friend and his sister fighting. “Drop the sword, Lena. This is not our war. Not our kingdom, Lena!”

Arthur walks to where Eliza was, Lena still pointing the sword at his direction.

“Lena! Stop” Lex pleads, fearing for the life of her sister. Lex understands Arthur’s decision. After all, it’s the king who truly has a say on things. Whatever free will one has is just a sense of illusion. He understands it too well. As a general, he was trained to do what and when the king says.

 “Stop! All of you!” Lena says to the Camelot’s knights. “Order them to stop. Stop your men, Arthur!”

“An eye for an eye, Lena. They took Camelot’s queen. We’re taking theirs.”

“Isn’t there enough bloodshed! You did take their queen! God, you took the entire House of El! You killed the Zor-El’s!!”

“Lena this is not our war! Not our kingdom!” Lex repeats.

“Kill her.”

“NOOOOOOOOOO!” Alex and Mon-El both scream in unisom.

And when the knight lifts his blade up, ready to stab Eliza, Lena throws her sword with so much force and precision, hitting the hand of the knight.

“Aaahhhhhh!” The knight screams, dropping to his knees as blood flows from his hand.

The knights were about to attack her when what escapes her mouth suddenly puts them to stop.

“I AM MORGANA PENDRAGON” Lena says with tenacity in her voice, so much authority and sternness in it. “The rightful queen to the throne, the lost queen of Camelot and I order you to stand down!”

There was a moment of silence. Everyone could see the shift happen when Lena, the chivalrous night became a whole new different person, when her compusure started becoming grand and royal, when she became the princess, the rightful queen right in front of everyone's eyes.

 

Lena could feel everyone’s eyes on her, not believing what just happened. No one dared to move. No one dared to speak. There was just silence and Lena was so sure she could hear her own heart beating.

 “Wha– What?” Lex breaks the silence, frowning as he stares at his sister.

The knights of Camelot were all shocked. They turn to Arthur, waiting for any command but the prince doesn’t give them any.

“You– You know?” Arthur takes a step forward, his lips trembling. He had suspected it down the dungeon but this right now is the confirmation Arthur needed. “I–“

“Spare me the details, brother.” Lena says as tears falling from her eyes. She clenches her fist, trying to stop the resentment she’s feeling and at the same time trying to stop the longing she feels for her brother. “Just… Just go. Get your men and leave.” Lena pleads, hoping it would be enough for her brother.

Arthur moves forward, wanting to pull Morgana in his arms. Lena takes a step back right away, shaking her head. “I’m begging you. Just go!”

“sound the retreat.” Arthur commands the knights.

“But my lord–” The knight objects but the prince cuts him off.

“I said sound the retreat and let’s go. This…” Arthur says, looking right at Lena’s eyes, hoping his sister would be able to forgive her for the past eight years of her life. “This changes everything.”

Prince Arthur walks pass Lena. “I– I’m sorry, Morgana” He whispers before leaving with his men.

Lena doesn’t turn her back to stop Arthur. She doesn’t even dare to move. Everyone just stayed idle for a moment there not daring to move or utter a single word. She could feel her hand palm bleeding as she wounds herself with her nails because of too much clenching of her fist awhile ago. She could still hear her heart thumping so loud at the intensity of what just happened.

She lets out a sharp breath as she looks up at everyone, wanting to explain herself. She expected everyone to have questions but as she looks at the people in the room, she noticed their eyes weren’t on Lena’s. Their eyes were focused on what’s behind her.

Lena slowly turns her back, fearing what she thinks she might see when she does. And she was right because there stands Kara, lips quivering and hands shaking, her eyes filled with tears, looking so hurt more than Lena has ever seen her in her entire life.

“Kara–” Lena takes a step closer to Kara but the princess cuts her off.

“You–“ Kara says, tears finally escaping her piercing blue eyes as she takes a step back, her hand gesturing Lena to stop getting any closer to her. Her voice was filled with pain of betrayal and so much sadness.  

“You– You lied. All this time… You lied”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm sorry? And feel free to scream at me and let me know what ya think. It took awhile to write this chapter bc I was finding it really hard to decide btwn my 2 choices in wc Kara finds out about Lena/Morgana. The chapter was too long already I decided to put the continuation in the next chapter instead :) 
> 
> I asked few people and they said they wanted the more dramatic and heartbreaking one wc was this I supposed. And oh, I didn't really write a full on smut. I honestly don't know how and i feel like I might just ruin the fic in attempting to do so. And oh did I just make everyone gay in here? ooops. 
> 
> Anyways hope u enjoyed! :)  
> Enjoyed being a relative term.


	17. I came back. I did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope someone's still interested w this. Enjoy! :)

“You– You lied. All this time… You lied”

Lena could see the hurt in Kara’s teary eyes. She could see the pain and betrayal the blonde is probably feeling at the moment. Kara’s blue eyes right now are very different from the ones Lena had seen earlier today.

Those eyes she had seen were blissful and full of life. – Full of hope. While these ones she is looking right at are nothing like what she had seen. Right now, Kara’s eyes look like storm.

If eyes were really windows to one’s soul, Kara’s would be so dark… damaged.

And she knows. Lena knows it’s her fault. The moment she looked at those piercing blue eyes filled with tears just waiting to fall, Lena knew she should have told Kara the truth. She should have told her from the very start because now, she’s part of the list.

Now, Lena has added her name to the list of people that had lied, betrayed and disappointed Kara.

“Kara–“ Lena whispers with her voice shaking as she takes a step closer. Lena doesn’t even know where to begin. All she wants to do right now is pull Kara in her arms and tell her the truth but she’s scared. She’s terrified because she doesn’t know if Kara could even forgive her. She doesn’t know what this would do to Kara.

“You lied.” Kara says, taking a step back as she gestures a hand to stop Lena. She smiles wryly as a tear escapes her eye. “You lied” The Kryptonian princess repeats before running out of the room.

 

Before heading out to run after Kara, Lena takes one of the swords on the floor and breaks Lex’ handcuffs. His brother just stares at him for a moment a nods, an understanding passes between them. She smiles because Lena knows her brother doesn’t need anything from Lena right now. She knows Lex wants her to do what Lena needs to do without any worry. She knows Lex would take care of everything else while Lena focuses on Kara.

It doesn’t matter if Lena lied to Lex as well. It doesn’t matter what this whole revelation means to the Daxam, to Krypton and Camelot. Any explanation could wait because at the end of the day, blood or not, Morgana Pendragon is still Lena Luthor. And Lena Luthor is still Lex’ sister, the sister Lex would always take care of. – That’s what matters.

 

* * *

 

 

“Kara!” Lena calls along the hallway, begging for the princess to stop, begging to just hear her for a minute. She pleads, so terrified of losing the princess. “Please, Kara! Just stop, please!”

Kara doesn’t turn her back because honestly, she feels like ripping her heart out at this moment. No words could even express how devastated she feels. She wants to stop the tears from filling her eyes but she can’t. She wants to stop _this_ feeling inside of her that she doesn’t even know how to describe. But she can’t. She wants to turn back time but she can’t.

Everything just hurts. It just… hurts.

“Kara, please.” She pleads, trying to reach her with her arms afraid of losing her the second time around.

“I– I love you.” Lena didn’t mean to blurt it out like that but the words just escaped her mouth.

It made Lena pause and Kara as well. Lena and Kara both keep their silence for a few minutes, both of them just standing there afraid to make any movements.

“Please, Kara. Just– just let me explain.”

“Explain!?” Kara scoffs, shaking her head in dismay. She clenches her fist, gathering all the strength she could find to keep her from crying but despite her best efforts, she let the tears rush down. “You don’t get to explain.” Kara whispers, feeling so exhausted at this cycle of her life.

Of course just when she’s finally happy, something would happen that would take it all away. – the story of Kara Zor-El’s life.

“KAr–”

Kara slowly turns her back, looking straight at Lena’ eyes. – Blue meets green and neither of them thought it would feel this way. – Heavy.

“No! You don’t get to explain, Lena!” Kara’s eyes explore Lena, looking at the knight from head to toe. “Mor–“ She swallows her sob, trying to speak the truth she had been oblivious about all along. “You don't get to explain, Morgana!”

“I thought– I thought you were dead! I cried every night for you! I grieved! I mourned! I– but–” Kara spats, closing the gap between Lena and her, hitting the knight gently on her chest repeatedly as tears streak down her face.

“You’re alive! 8 years and you’ve been alive all this time! You– What’s this? Some ploy to conquer the kingdom from the inside?! Is this a game to you?! Am I a game to you?! A chess play you needed to win?!” Kara asks, knowing the answer to her question. Of course Lena wouldn’t do that. She is just too angry and hurt that words she didn’t mean just escape her lips.

Kara keeps hitting Lena’s chest with the blonde’s arms, punctuating every sentence with it. It was barely hitting actually. It didn’t even hurt and it was soft. Lena knows if Kara wanted to she could really physically hurt her but she doesn’t.

Lena should explain. Lena should cut Kara off and speak out her side of things. But seeing Kara like this, so broken and hurt, she lets Kara let it all out. Kara needed this. Kara needs to let it all out.

She’d explain it later but for now Lena keeps her silence and takes it all in. Every hit, every word, she takes it all. She takes it all in because it’s what Kara needed her to do.

“8 years, Morgana! I never got over you until… _You._ I was so stupid! I was so stupid! Rao, you have a similar face! So stupid! Why would you lie to me?! For 8 years I was all alone and my life– my life was a mess. Where were you?! You weren’t here, Morgana! Not once did you ever try to reach me! You didn’t– You weren’t here! You weren’t here. Where were you when I needed you the most! I– You– You weren’t here…” Kara sobs, feeling the pain of being left behind again. Because Morgana is alive and for whatever reason it is, she still chose not to be there. Morgana chose a life without Kara.

Lena puts her arms around Kara, pulling the blond closer. She rubs the Kryptonian’s back, urging her to let it all out as Lena’s own tears fall down her face, her heart breaking into a thousand pieces as well. “Kara…”

"I needed you when my mom and dad died. I needed you when Astra left me. I needed you when Clark abandoned me. I needed you all those years, Morgana." Kara pants, finding it hard to speak as she breaks down in the knight's arms. "Where were you, Morgana? I needed you. I- I needed you!"

 

 _I NEEDED YOU TOO, KARA._ \- That's what Lena wanted to say but doesnt. Because now, isn't about how she feels.

“You– you didn’t come back.” Kara whimpers in Lena’s arms.

She pauses. along the halls, she sees Alex, Eliza, Lex and pretty much everyone staring at them, not knowing what to do.

As soon as the Kryptonian realized this, she wipes her tears away, taking a step back and channeling the icy and numb look she had mastered over the years. “Stay away from me.” She says, walking away from Morgana – the person she had first loved and had let go. She walks away from Lena. – the person she is deeply in love with. She walks away, her heart aching, from the love of her life.

 

* * *

 

_I AM MORGANA PENDRAGON, THE RIGHTFUL QUEEN TO THE THRONE, THE LOST QUEEN OF CAMELOT_

_I AM MORGANA PENDRAGON, THE RIGHTFUL QUEEN TO THE THRONE, THE LOST QUEEN OF CAMELOT_

_I AM MORGANA PENDRAGON, THE RIGHTFUL QUEEN TO THE THRONE, THE LOST QUEEN OF CAMELOT_

_I AM MORGANA PENDRAGON, THE RIGHTFUL QUEEN TO THE THRONE, THE LOST QUEEN OF CAMELOT_

 

Upon hearing Lena’s words all over again in her head, Kara’s heart sinks as every hope of whatever future she had allowed herself to imagine before shatters. She takes in a deep breath and lets out one jus the same. She clenches both of her fists, looking at her room, at her surroundings.

There was a still moment. It was just pure silence. For a moment she couldn’t hear a thing, she couldn’t feel a thing.

Then as that moment slowly fades away, bringing her back to reality, she clenches her fists even harder, her nails piercing her palms. Her strong emotions slowly controlling her.

And that’s when Kara Zor-El Danvers snaps.

Kara cries out, pulling her blankets and pillows. She kicks her bed, letting out all her anger and frustration. She kicks and destroys everything in sight, tears streaming down her face as all the memories rush back to her. She slides all the things on her table, screaming her lungs out. She pauses for a second, seeing her reflection in the mirror.

Kara clenches her jaw, feeling the blood flow through her veins. She punches the mirror with so much force it breaks into pieces. Kara wants to rip her heart out because it aches. It aches so much. It really hurts. As all the memories of her and Morgana, and the new ones of her and Lena keep playing on her mind all at once, she picks up the chair and smashes it on the floor.

“Kara–“

She smashes it with every strength she has. Kara kicks whatever is in front of her, punching the wall with every rage she has in her, with every sadness and resentment she has.

Kara cries and lets everything out until she feels a pair of arms hugging her from behind, holding her together. She stiffens at the touch but relaxes a little bit the moment she hears the voice.

“Kara. Shhhh. Shhhhh” Alex says, holding her sister together as they collapse on the floor, trying to calm her down as the blood from Kara’s wounded hand drips. “I’m here, Kar. SSShhhh. It’ll be okay.”

Alex knows Kara has never been good at dealing with emotions. She keeps her feelings bottled in and it’s always worst when that bottle reaches its fullness because Alex knows that eventually Kara would snap. And her sister just did.

Alex leans on the wall, holding Kara even closer in her arms.

And Kara lets her because Kara knows too. She knows that she hasn’t really managed her anger issues, abandonment issues, or any issues at all. She knows that this is her acting out. Maybe irrationally. But could one really blame her? Everything just sucks. And Kara’s tired.

“A– A– Alex” Kara tries to say in between her sobs, finding it difficult to breathe. “Le– Lena lied. She– She lied to me, Alex. She’s… She’s Morgana. Lena is Mo– Morgana, Alex.”

“She’s alive and she didn’t come back for me, Alex.” Kara breaks down and cries, clenching her fist, not caring about her wounded hands. How could she when she has her wounded heart throbbing in pain already?  “8 years without a word. 8 years, Alex. 8 years…”

“I know, sweetie.” Alex rubs Kara’s arms, assuring her sister that whatever she feels, whatever she thinks, whatever she’s gonna do, Alex would be right her for her. “I know”

Kara buries her face in Alex’ arms, crying her heart out. The rage, the pain, the betrayal and sadness she had felt earlier was beginning to die down, replacing it with….. _joy? Relief?_

“She– Morgana. She’s alive.” Kara whimpers, letting the realization sink in. Kara feels like fading into the wind, wavering like a fragile flower. “She’s Alive, Alex. Morgana is Alive. I–“

 

“My Morgana is alive. And–” Kara whispers, tears still falling and voice still shaking. Kara stares at her blood stained hands, knowing that despite every effort she had made to protect herself in the past, she is still here at this very moment. She is still left vulnerable crying her heart out in her sister’s arms. “–and she’s my Lena too.”

 

* * *

 

Lena lies awake in her room, looking at the ceiling with only four words in her mind.

 

_Stay away from me_

_Stay away from me_

_Stay away from me_

 

Had Kara meant it? If she did, could Lena really be able to. Lena doesn’t know what to do. She wants to run into Kara and tell her that’s not it. She can’t have Kara thinking Lena chose to leave her alone, that she chose not to go back. She can’t bear the thought of Kara thinking Lena wouldn’t choose her because truth be told, it has always been Kara. Lena would always choose Kara over anything else.

Lena’s tears start to rush down her face as she remembers Kara’s face when the blonde found out. She swallows her sobs as fear starts to creep in. What if this is it? What if Kara doesn’t want me back?

But then Lena realized that it’s okay. It would be okay if Kara didn’t want her back anymore after all the lies. It’s okay as long as this lie wouldn’t do much damage to Kara’s perspective in life because the Kryptonian had been through enough and Lena fears that this might stain her perception again. She’d have Kara hating her forever as long as she knows that Kara’s okay, that Kara would be okay.

Lena just really wants to be with Kara right now knowing the princess is probably hurt. But Kara told her to stay away. Of course she’d try to talk to her again, but she’s giving the blonde the space she asked for tonight.

_(knock)_

_(knock)_

_(knock)_

Three soft knocks on the door and Lena’s getting up to open it. She pauses and lets out a sharp breath before opening it, preparing herself for whatever kind of anger that would pass through once she opens the door.

She expected Lex to come barging in, asking for explanations. She expected the queen with Kryptonian knights with her, dragging Lena out and throwing her across the kingdom. She expected Alex, threatening her for having hurt her little sister. She expected Mon-El to demand for answers or even Maggie to do Alex’ job as the big sister for her. Maybe she even expected her father or Prince Arthur to come get her and take Lena home.

What she didn’t expect however is the sight of the person she loves right in front of her doorstep. And even then, Lena expected to get yelled at, to get screamed at. She expected shouts and arguments. She expected hatred and resentment.

She didn’t expect this Kara with puffy eyes, blood stained hands, and a messy bun in front of her. She didn’t expect this Kara, holding two pillows and a blanket in her arms. She didn’t expect this calmness in Kara’s tear-stained eyes.

“Kara–”Lena breaks the silence between them, staring right at those piercing blue eyes.

“I–“ Kara takes a step forward, wanting to pull Lena into her arms. She pauses and stops herself, taking a step back again, seeming confused about her thoughts and feelings and what she really wants to do with them. “–I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to talk to you. And I don’t want you to talk to me.”

“But please.” Kara sighs, gritting her teeth to keep herself from crying more than she already did. Although, the crack in her voice is still loud and clear. “Just. Just let me stay here tonight. I just have to– I just have to look at you. I just have to really know. I-  I just have to stay here.”

Despite Lena being the cause of what Kara is feeling right now, Lena is still Kara's safety blanket. Whenever she's scared, or hurt, or simply feeling unsafe, it is only beside Lena that Kara would feel utterly secure. She'd feel safe and sound right next to Lena and that's what she's doing now.

Lena blinks, surprised at Kara's request but thankful for it nonetheless.

“Okay.” Lena says, opening the door wider as she gestures for Kara to come in.

Kara settles at the right side of the bed, facing the wall. Lena lies down beside her, facing the other direction.

Morgana is alive. And despite all the lies, Kara got her Morgana back. Yes, she was angry at Lena for lying to her. But it’s been eight years. It’s been eight years and she needed to make sure. Kara needs to make sure that it’s true. – that Morgana is really alive.

And Kara is terrified that even if she just blinks, even if she just blinks for a second, then she would lose Morgana again. And losing Morgana meant losing her Lena too. Kara’s terrified because she can’t have that now. She can’t lose Morgana. She can’t lose Lena. Despite wanting space from Lena, Kara wants to make sure with her own eyes that she’s really here, that she wouldn’t lose her again.

“Kara.” Lena whispers, turning to face the ceiling.

Kara doesn’t answer, pretending to be asleep.

“I–“ Lena gathers the courage to speak, her voice shaking as tears start to fill her eyes. “I came back.”

“You said, I didn’t come back but I did. I’m here now. And I know, it’s my fault. I should have told you the truth” Lena says, hoping that Kara would hear her out. “But I came back Kara. For you.”

There was silence and it took Lena ten more minutes to finally gather the courage to speak again.

“I lost my memories. For eight years, I couldn’t remember you. But I saw you. I saw you through the flashes of memories I get. Sometimes it was blurry. Sometimes it was clear. But I saw you Kara and I tried. Believe me, I tried to remember but I couldn’t.”

Lena scoots, turning to face Kara’s direction but the blonde was still facing the wall.

“I couldn’t remember Kara but I always had you.” Lena sighs, her heart yearning for Kara. They were so close. For a moment today, they were so happy. All Lena wants is to have that back for Kara. “I always had you, Kara.. I always had you.”

“I’m sorry, Kara. And I know that doesn’t make it okay. I’m really sorry. But I don’t want you to think I didn’t come back to you, that I just chose to leave.”

Kara doesn’t answer, still pretending to be asleep as tears escape the Kryptonian’s closed eyes. She wants to turn and kiss Lena. She wants to turn and meet those tantalizing green eyes. Those eyes. She realized she’d seen those eyes and for a moment she knew. She knew all along it was Morgana’s eyes. How could she have missed it?

Kara desperately wants to turn and face Lena. She wants to be buried in the warm comfort and the sense of security that Lena’s arms give her. She desperately wants to.

But instead of doing that, she just lays there, letting her tears stream down her face, listening to the knight's voice as she continues.

“because I did, Kara. The moment I remembered and had the chance, I did."  Lena whispers, staring at Kara. Of course she knows the Kryptonian isn’t asleep. She knows the blonde too well for her to be fooled by her defense mechanisms.

“and I always will, Kara. Because I love you. I love you then as Morgana. And I even love you more now as Lena. I love you, Kara Zor-El Danvers.”

Lena sighs, feeling like an utter dissapointment to Kara, feeling like a failure to her.

“I love you” Lena whispers, closing her eyes, hoping that everything would be better tomorrow.

“I love you.” Kara replies with the softest voice anyone could ever have, making sure no one would hear her but herself as she wipes her tears away.

Because at the end of the day, names are just names. And all Kara knows is she is madly and deeply in love with woman right next to her, no matter what her name would be.

 

After a few minutes, Kara turns. She stares at Lena whose eyes are closed. She doesn't know if Lena is really asleep or not but she's thankful for the knight's closed eyes. Kara still doesn't know if she could look at Lena directly without feeling betrayed.

"You- you're here. You did come back back." Kara whispers, tracing Lena's face, stroking Lena's hair as she stares at the raven haired beauty. "You're... really here."

 

"I love you, Lena." Kara says, smiling as she lets out a sharp breath she didn't know she was holding.

"I love you." She smiles sadly, repeating the words of her heart, her gaze still fixed on the brunette.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey fam! Sorry for the late update. I had a vacay and was having way too much fun w my cousin. I was supposed to update last night but then it was really difficult to use another laptop that I'm not used to. Plus I just went home here w my fam after 6 months so it's really hard to write with them lurking over my shoulder.
> 
> I probably would not be able to update as frequently as before where I had 2-3 chapters in a week but ill try nonetheless. Hope you're still interested with how the story goes tho. 
> 
> Who's freaking out about all the Katie Mcgrath content tho? Istg we stan the right woman!!!! Cant wait for the SG ep tmr!! Lena's gonna save the day. As always
> 
> Im not really satisfied w this chapter since it was rushed but then it was long overdue already. So yeah. and no worries, resolution would be next chapter. MAybe?;)


	18. How do I know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Prolly a short one but Hope u still like this chapter tho.

 

Kara could feel the sunlight on her face. It’s a new day and she should probably get up. She blinks, trying to open her eyes as she tries to process the events that happened last night.

“Morgana.” She whispers to herself.

Morgana Pendragon, her first love, was alive. – is alive. Was it just a dream? Is this…

Is everything real?

Kara sits up, panicking as she turns and puts her hand on the empty space beside her on the bed.

“Lena?” Kara calls, looking around the room. “Lena? Lena?”

Her heart starts to beat faster, this irrational fear rushing through her. She gets up from the bed calling out for her girlfriend? She doesn’t really know what to call them. She checks the bathroom and the raven haired beauty isn’t there.

Kara runs, about to head out the room when she bumps into the person she is looking for.

“Lena!”

“Oh, god. Kara” Lena says, holding the tray filled with food as she looks at the spilled coffee on Kara’s clothes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t see you.”

“Lena!” Kara exclaims. “Where were you? You can’t just do that! You can’t – “

It was pretty clear that she was frustrated although one could see the fear ad worry in her eyes that suddenly turned into relief.

Kara sighs, stopping herself, knowing full well that she shouldn’t be raising her voice. She turns her back, sitting on the edge of Lena’s bed. She looks down at her restless fingers.

“Kara, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you like that.” Lena sits beside Kara, holding up the tray as she smiles. “I got breakfast in bed.”

Kara lets out a sad smile. “I’m still mad at you. And I’m still not talking to you.”

“I know, darling. I just want a chance to make it up to you.” Lena says as she tries to hide her smile. Because though Kara is still mad at her, the blonde princess is definitely talking to her even though Kara insists otherwise.

Lena gets up, taking a fresh clothing from her cabinet and a face towel.

“Let me?” She asks Kara, pointing at the coffee stain.

Kara doesn’t maintain eye contact with Lena. She still nods though, giving the brunette permission. Lena slowly lifts Kara’s clothes and the Kryptonian raises her arms to help Lena undress her.

Lena pours some water on the face towel and rubs it on the red part on Kara’s chest were the coffee spilled. The blonde princess is still not looking at her but she lets Lena do her thing. So it’s something, at least.

The knight puts the fresh clothes on Kara, rubbing the blonde’s shoulders.

“There. All better.” She says.

“You – “ Kara whispers, still looking away. “You can’t do that, Lena. I can’t… I can’t just wake up and find you gone again.”

And Lena just wants to pull Kara in her arms right there and then. She wants to but she doesn’t. She wants to give Kara the space the blonde needs.

 

* * *

 

 

The day pretty much went smoothly. Kara had apologized to Eliza for all the things she had said. She didn’t know what she would do if something had happened to Eliza and that was the last thing she said. It’s what happened to her parents that even up to now, Kara doesn’t know if she can ever forgive herself for it.

Lena had also explained everything to everyone and assured them she wasn’t playing any game. The queen decided to let her stay and wait for the King to come back to make decisions himself about Lena.

Lex had pulled Lena in his arms, saying, “You are and will always be my little sister, Lena. I don’t care about anything else.”

Kara, however, just stayed quiet the entire time and Lena was dying to know what she thought about this situation. Lena knows she did the wrong thing lying to Kara. Lying is still lying no matter how good the intentions are. The only thing Lena hopes for now is for Kara not to push her away.

She can be her friend or even just a mere knight assigned to protect Kara. She could do that. She could be anyone Kara needed her to be if it means getting to stay in Kara’s life.

 

* * *

 

Kara doesn’t go back to her room. She just doesn’t feel like leaving Lena out of her sight. Some might probably find it creepy or too controlling but they just don’t understand. No one could even begin to understand the not so irrational fear Kara has.

Yes, she may be still a little bit hurt but that doesn’t mean she’s not afraid of losing Morgana, of losing Lena. – of losing the same person again. And right now, the only assurance she can get, the only comfort that would tear her fear down a little bit is physically seeing Lena with her own two eyes.

 

* * *

 

Kara and Lena lay still on the bed, backs against each other’s. Kara could hear the sound of the crickets, the gush of wind. She could almost hear her heart thumping. The silence was deafening and she couldn’t sleep. She may not see her right now, but Kara knows Lena is still awake too.

“Why?” Kara whispers, breaking the silence with the most gentle voice. “Why’d you have to lie, Lena?”

Kara turns to face Lena, finding out that the raven haired knight is already facing her too.

“Because I was scared, Kara. I was…” Lena says, holding Kara’s hand. “scared.”

“So am I!” Kara sighs, pulling away from Lena’s touch as she gets up from the bed, her back onto Lena. “I’m scared too, Lena. How do I know…”

Kara turns, meeting the gaze of those green eyes. “How do I know you love me, Lena? Because it’s different with you. You lost your memories but I remember everything, Lena.  I grieved and I mourned and I let you go. I let Morgana go because I’ve fallen for you, Lena. “

“What? You think it was easy, Kara? You think it was easy seeing your face in my head all the time but not remember you? You think it’s easy not being able to remember you but feeling like you are the most important thing in my life.”

“Lena – “

“I didn’t have it easy, Kara. It wasn’t easy waking up one day remembering how I’ve lost my family all those years, how my… how my mom died right beside me. And most of all, knowing that I’ve abandoned you all those years. – the one thing I vowed not ever to do. It wasn’t easy remembering and feeling everything all at once, Kara.”

“I’m not the same Kara you fell for when we were young, Lena.”

 

“So am I, Kara. I ‘m not the perfect Morgana you believed me to be back then. I’m different.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Kara exclaims, taking a step closer to Lena. “I don’t love you because you look like Morgana. I fell for you, Lena. I love you for you.”

Kara sits on the edge of the bed, not really knowing what she wants. Morgana was just a facet. She was just a one side of the coin, a part of the whole thing. Lena, however, is the whole thing. And despite not knowing, Kara had fallen for her, for every bit of good and bad in Lena. For all her flaws, Kara fell for Lena.

But how could she be certain Lena really loves her and not just the concept of who she used to be?

“How..” Kara settles her head on her hands for support. “How do I know you love me? This version of me?”

The Kryptonian princess didn’t raise her voice. It was gentle with a bit of sadness mixed with it. It was like Kara was preparing for the worst.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Kara.” Lena sighs, knowing full well that this is Kara’s insecurities showing through. “I could tell you that I know you. I still do. And yes you may have changed but somehow you’re still you. I love how you pretend not to care but in reality, you do. You do care about those people from the village. You do care about those little kids around the palace. You do care about the knights and the servants in here. You care more than you think, Kara.”

Kara slowly looks up, meeting Lena’s gaze. She feels her heart skip a beat hearing how sincere Lena sounds.

“I love how despite everyone leaving you, you’re still there for everyone. No matter how much you try to hide it. You’re there for the king and queen. You’re there for Alex. You’re there for your friends. You’ve always been there for your people, Kara. Even if they don’t know it.”

“I could tell you how much you doubt yourself, how you let your scars define you, how much you think you’re not strong enough, that you’re not good enough.  When in reality, Kara, You are more than enough. You’re beautiful, your kind, you are the best person and the strongest I know and I’m never gonna stop telling you that until you believe it.”

Lena takes a step closer. She bends down, sitting on her legs to keep their eyes in the same level. She holds Kara’s hand, squeezing it as she lets out a shy smile. “I could tell you all these things all day long, Kara but I still couldn’t give you an exact answer. I just know that I do love you.”

“the Kara you were back then.” Lena cups Kara’s cheek, wiping the tear that had just escaped the blonde’s eye. “and the Kara you are now. Every version of you, darling.” Lena says as she collides her lips with Kara’s.

 

The princess deepens it, kissing Lena with so much passion and love. Kara couldn’t help but cry and pull Lena in her arms. She had felt love before but she never knew she could be in love as deep as like this. With all the uncertainty that hangs above them, one thing is for sure;

KARA ZOR-EL DANVERS AND LENA LUTHOR ARE THE LOVE OF EACH OTHER’S LIVES.

As they lay awake in each other’s arms, feeling the happiest people in the world, Kara smiles to herself remembering the last day she had with Morgana.

“You did it.” Kara whispers with a with a grin on her face.

“Hmm?” Lena replies, stroking Kara’s hair.

“You said you’ll always come back to me. And now you’re here.” Kara says, meeting Lena’s gaze with so much intensity.

Lena smiles, intertwining their fingers. “I’ll always come home to you, Kara. I love you –“

 “Always and Forever”

Kara and Lena both say in unison, smiling, just like they did more than 8 years ago at their paradise.

 

* * *

 

 

Kara’s back to being all giddy and happy. These past few days have been the happiest for her. First of all, the feeling of loss she had for Morgana was gone and now replaced by pure joy knowing that she had only loved one person. She shakes her head, remembering the internal struggle she had thinking that Morgana might hate her for loving someone new.

Then Kara remembers all those times she had sought comfort in Lena’s arms whenever she had nightmares. – how Lena had always given her the sense of security. Her smile grows even wider as Kara remembers one of her and Lena’s talks when Lena told her she’d only been in love once.

And now Kara realizes it’s with her. Lena has only been in love with Kara and is still is.

Oh rao, Lena had definitely taken over Kara’s mind. The blonde couldn’t stop grinning just by thinking about her.

Her thoughts and the thing she was making for Lena in her room was interrupted by a knock.

“Lena” Kara whispers to herself, grinning as she hurries up to open the door.

Kara’s smile falters as she sees the person right in front of her. Her heart starts to raise. She clenches her fist trying to stop herself from any reactions that her anger might lead to.

“Hello, Little One.” Astra says, giving her niece a smile.

 

* * *

 

 

hey fam i made my first fan vid ever. Go check it out if u want. [Here's the Link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5b5ULjULKQ)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey fam! I think I've reached the middle of the whole story that i've formulated in my mind. The first 17 chapters were kinda focused more on Kara's family and struggles and Krypton. I was thinking the second part would focus of Morgana/Lena's struggles and Camelot. Hope that's alright w y'all? i hope this fic isn't too long for u guys that u get tired and lose interest.
> 
> Anyways sorry for the late update, life kinda took over. But thank u to those who are still reading.   
> and I just wanna say I MISS SUPERCORP EVERYDAY HOW DO Y'ALL DEAL? :(


	19. I can't wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the errors. Really sleepy and exhausted.

 

 “Hello, Little One”

It was the voice Kara never thought she’d ever hear again. It was the voice of someone who used to tuck her into sleep, the voice of someone who had always defended her whenever she had arguments with her parents. It was the voice of someone who once told her that Kara would always be a daughter to her. It was the voice of someone who had known Kara was in love before the blonde even knew it herself.

It was the voice of someone who had loved her with depths obscure in this world. But it was also the voice of someone who had hurt her deepest.

It was Astra’s.

Kara stands there for a minute not being able to speak. Seeing Astra brings out a lot of repressed feelings Kara has. For a second there, Kara had thought it was her mother. Astra and Alura share the same face after all.

That’s when Kara grinds her teeth, trying to hide the pain. Seeing Astra makes her think about her mother, her parents. It makes her remember that she never had the chance to take it all back, to let her parents know how much Kara really love them.

It takes everything in Kara’s power not to go back to that hellhole again. – of blaming herself, being angry at herself and thinking that she too should have died back then.

And Kara just wants to run to Astra right there and then, wanting to feel the comfort Astra used to bring. She wants to bury herself in Astra’s embrace because Kara misses her family so much. And Astra is family.

At least that’s what Kara had thought before the general left.

“Aren’t you going to let me in?” Astra asks, giving Kara a shy smile, knowing how hurt her niece was when she disappeared without a word.

Kara blinks, taking a step back from her aunt. She turns her back, walking away from the only blood relative she has left in this castle.

“What do you want?” The Kryptonian princess asks with an icy voice.

“Don’t you want to know why I’m back, Kara?”

Kara doesn’t answer. She just stays still there, looking at her window. She doesn’t know what to do or what to feel. Everything in her life right now is happening so fast and it has been a roller coaster ride of emotions.

And Astra being back here doesn’t help.

“I came back with Jeremiah. It seems we are more needed here to protect the kingdom than out there doing the –”

“Why are you really here, Aunt Astra?” Kara sighs, not hearing what Astra had just said. She knows they aren’t the reason why her aunt is here in her room right now. And she’s tired of all these half truths.

“Morgana.”

“Is Lena. I know.” Kara turns, looking at her Aunt straight in the eye because she knows where this conversation is going.

“I don’t trust her, Kara. Not anymore. We don’t know what her life had been. It has been 8 years.”

Lena may have explained everything to them earlier today and the King may have trusted her but Astra sure doesn’t. Won’t. 8 years is a long time and who knows what people may have done to brainwashed Morgana. Astra isn’t going to take any chances. Not when it comes to Kara.

“You have to stay away from her, Kara.” Astra adds.

 _Not Anymore_ , Astra had said. Right. Because there used to be a time when it was Astra who pushed Kara to follow her feelings.

 

_*****_

_A young Kara bites her lips, observing Arthur, Morgana playing tag and running after each other, laughing. Kara smiles as she sees Morgana tackle Arthur, laughing at her brother. She could look at Morgana all day and still not get enough of the Camelot’s Princess._

_Kara was too busy pinning after her puppy love that little did she know someone has been watching her._

_“Someone likes someone.” Astra teases, nudging Kara gently._

_“What?!” Kara looks at Astra, suddenly panicking, she rambles. “I don’t like Morgana, Aunt Astra. Who said I like her? No. I do not like Morgana. She probably doesn’t remember my name. I don’t like her Aunt Astra!”_

_“Oh, Little One.” Astra laughs hysterically at her niece. She clears her throat, trying to look serious and stop her laughter. “I never said you like Morgana. But clearly you do.”_

_“I…” Kara thinks of an excuse but couldn’t think of any._

_“Just go.” Astra gestures her head to where Morgana is. “Go talk to her. Join their game.”_

_“You think she’ll like me too, Aunt Astra?”_

_Astra leans over, pinching Kara’s nose, shaking her head as she smiles. “I think she already does, Little One/”_

_Kara heads over to the field where Morgana is still tackling Arthur. As soon as Morgana saw Kara, she composes herself, trying to act cool around Kara._

_Kara being Kara isn’t able to form any words right away. She just stares at Morgana with those puppy dog eyes. Morgana returns her gaze and gives Kara a sweet smile._

_Arthur looks at her sister, curiosity dawning on him. He transfers his stare from Morgana to Kara and wonders why both of them are just smiling at each other._

_“Uh. Hi, I’m – “ Kara finally breaks the silence but was cut off._

_“Kara. I know. I remember.” Morgana adds, her smile widening even more._

_“Do you want to join?” Arthur asks Kara._

_The Kryptonian princess, still grinning, nods without breaking eye contact with Camelot’s princess._

_“Okay. You’re it1” Arthur yells, touching Morgana’s arm before the prince runs away._

_Morgana suddenly runs to Kara and gives her a kiss on the cheek. The blonde suddenly turns into scarlet red as she blushes, not being able to move or speak._

_“Tag!” Lena smirks at the sight of Kara blushing. “You’re it!” She adds, winking at Kara before running._

_As Kara registers what had just happened, she lets out the biggest grin anyone has probably ever seen. She turns her back, looking at her Aunt Astra._

_Her smile widens, her teeth showing as she raises her hand, showing an approved gesture to her aunt. Because Yes, Kara likes Morgana and Morgana maybe likes her too._

_*****_

 

Kara laughs. She laughs wryly like what Astra had just said is a big joke. And it is.

“You’re right. It has been more than 8 years and when she remembered, she came back. Did you lose your memories too all those years?” The resentment in Kara’s voice was very evident. Astra didn’t just leave. She left without even saying goodbye.

 “I guess I deserve that.” Astra says with so much regret in her eyes. “But Little One – ”

“Don’t” Kara warns. “Don’t call me that. You don’t get to come in here for the first time in more than 8 years, telling me what do.”

“Lena lost her memories. She had no choice.” Kara spats, praying to rao that tears wouldn’t fall from her eyes. “You had. And you chose to leave.”

Kara walks pass her Aunt, heading towards the door. She slowly opens it as she swallows her sob. “Now I’m asking you to do the same thing you’ve always done. **_Leave_** _._ ”

 

* * *

 

 

It had been a long day for Lena. She was happy not to be exiled from Krypton and really glad she gets to stay in here. She hasn’t seen Kara all day. She knows Astra and Kara are probably spending time together and she didn’t want to be a hindrance to that.

That’s why Lena is out here in the garden, with eyes closed under the night sky, the full moon shining bright. She inhales and exhales, looking up at the moon, feeling the relief because finally, everything is alright. Finally, she’s happy. Kara is happy.

Lena smiles, still not opening her eyes as she feels someone’s arms around her waist, wrapping it from behind. The chin of that someone rests on her left shoulder, her head leaning on Lena’s.

Lena doesn’t need to open her eyes to know who it is. The night breeze makes Kara’s scent stronger. Lena holds Kara’s hands. – the ones that are wrapped around her waist.

The blonde princess gathers Lena’s hair and settles it on the knight’s right shoulder, allowing Kara to enjoy the left side of Lena’s neck.

“Dance with me?” Kara asks with a dreamy voice, smiling.

“Now?” Lena arches her eyebrow. “There’s no music Kara.”

Kara lets go of Lena, moving right in front of the knight.

“Who says we need one?” Kara smirks, gesturing her hand in the air, waiting for Lena to accept it. “Dance with me my princess, my knight?”

Lena grins and takes Kara’s hand, pulling the blonde closer.

The blonde’s arms are on Lena’s shoulders, Lena’s arms around Kara’s waist.

_Hhhmmmmm_

_Mhhhhmmmm_

_Hmmmmm_

Kara hums, making her own music as the both of them slow dance.

“Remember the time we first danced like this?” Lena asks, shaking her head at the memory.

 

*****

_It was the first dance Kara and Morgana had. Morgana was an excellent dancer. Kara on the other hand is very clumsy and has no experience yet._

_“Will you dance with me, my princess?” Morgana asks, offering her hand to Kara._

_“My?” Kara smirks, raising her eyebrows at Morgana’s choice of word as she takes her hand._

_“Well, I don’t hear any complains, do I?”Morgana teases, suddenly pulling Kara in her arms._

_Kara doesn’t bother to answer. Instead, she gives Morgana the sweetest smile, resting her forehead on hers as they continue to dance._

*****

 

“How could I not?” Kara replies, nudging Lena on her shoulders. “We were having a perfect night. Then suddenly you were wincing and I didn’t know why.”

“You were stepping on my toes Kara and you didn’t even notice.” Lena laughs, remembering how oblivious Kara was. “I had to pretend I didn’t feel anything so that our moment wouldn’t stop.”

“Well, it’s not my fault I was too preoccupied with your eyes to notice my feet.”

“Oh darling” Lena whispers with a big smile on her face.

 

Kara slowly takes a step back, letting go of Lena. Lena looks at her curiously and the blonde just smiles.

“Let’s play tag. You’re it!” The blonde says as she continues taking steps backward.

“come on, darling. Aren’t we too old for this?”

The Kryptonian smirks, running away Lena.

Of course. Leave it to Kara to act still act like a kid, Lena thinks as she smiles to herself. She runs towards Kara’s direction, hoping to catch the blonde right away.

Lena follows Kara to the towers. She stops running when she sees the Kryptonian staying still, staring up at the full moon.

Lena walks towards Kara slowly, smiling to herself as she admires the love of her life.

“Took you long enough” Kara says, not removing her gaze from the moon.

That one phrase having so much more meaning to the both of them.

“I knew I’d still able to catch you though.”

Kara smiles, transferring her gaze to Lena and looking at those tantalizing emerald eyes. “You always do.”

The princess sits on the edge of the tower, her feet dangling. Lena does the same, careful not to move either of them or they might fall.

“I can’t wait for everything to be over. To have peace between kingdoms you know.” Lena sighs, looking at the sight of  Krypton from where they are sitting

“Me too.”

_I can’t wait._

_I can’t wait_

_I can’t wait_

Those three words keep replaying on Kara’s mind as she stares at the sky.  That’s when she knows. Right there and then, she knows.

“Lena…” Kara whispers with the softest voice.

Lena looks at her and all the knight could see is Kara smiling at her with those piercing blue eyes that could probably convince her to do anything.

“I can’t wait.” The Krryptonian adds.

Lena arches her eyebrow, not able to understand what Kara means.

The Kryptonian holds Lena’s hand, squeezing it.

“I can’t wait, Lena. I can’t wait for the family we envisioned. I can’t wait for those little kids running around our home. I can’t wait to tell our little kids bedtime stories of how or love got through it all. I can’t wait to see them grow and wake up next to you every morning.”

Lena’s heart thumps eratically, realizing how familiar Kara’s words are. Because these were their plans. These were what she had said to the Kryptonian before. And Lena has a feeling where this is all going and she prays to every god out there not to let this be a dream, to make her suspicions right.

“Kara – ” Lena’s eyes start to fill with tears because of the overwhelming joy and suspense she’s feeling right now.

Kara holds both of Lena’s hands as she shakes her head. “Right at this spot, I asked you to stay.” Kara says, gesturing around the tower, remembering the first time they had a real talk at the tower.  “And you told me you were here now.”

“Kara – ”

“Now, I’m here Lena. I’m here asking you to stay again.” Kara cups Lena’s cheeks, wiping the tears that had fallen from those emerald eyes. “Because I can’t wait, Lena.”

Kara touches her chest. She pulls out a chain underneath her clothes, revealing the two rings made of moonstone that had been hiding there. Kara takes one ring out, offering it to Lena.

“I can’t wait for you to marry me, Lena.” Tears start to stream down the Kryptonian’s face, feeling every emotion heightened. “Stay and marry me?”

“I – ” Lena’s tears continue to fall. She’s left speechless by everything that Kara had just said, by everything that Kara had just made her feel.

“I know it’s fast and you pro – ” Kara starts to ramble but Lena shuts her up with her lips.

With tears streaming down on their faces, Lena and Kara are lost in each other’s lips, deepening every kiss with so much passion and love.

The rings that Kara had made herself weren’t just rings for her. They were made of moonstone. It was believed in the early times that when you held one during a full moon, you would see your future.

And Kara knows it’s Lena. Lena is her future. Her present.

Other cultures also believed the moonstone to be a healing and calming stone. It was also known in some cultures as the Traveler’s Stone that was used as protection. In Kryptonian culture, the moonstone is a stone for wishing and hoping and for embracing change.

And All those things are Lena to Kara and Kara to Lena. Because Lena and Kara heal, calm and protects each other with their own lives.

Kara had made the rings with the purpose of proposing to Lena one of these days, but she never intended to propose tonight. The moonstone’s symbolisms, the full moon, the tower, everything…

Everything just felt right. Everything _feels_ right. And she knows now is the time. It’s their chance.

“Wait” Kara pulls back, breaking their heated kiss. Her crinkle on her forehead surfacing as she worries for a second. “Is that a Yes?”

“Yes, ofcourse, darling!” Lena laughs, cupping Kara’s cheeks, still in awe at this moment happening. “We’ve waited long enough for this. I told you, you can’t get rid of me anymore.”

Kara smiles, putting the ring on Lena’s finger.

“Really?”

“Really.” Lena gets the other ring from Kara’s chain necklace. She takes Kara’s hand and puts the matching ring on the blonde’s.

They intertwine their fingers as Kara leans on Lena’s shoulder, the brunette wrapping the blonde in her embrace as they both enjoy the night breeze, staring at the moon.

“I love you, Kara.” Lena whispers with so much ecstasy in her voice because she is living the dream. Kara and Morgana used to be engaged but that make the moment less significant. The feeling she hgot back then only intensified now.

“I love you too, Lena.” Kara smiles, gazing at Lena.

At her fiancée.

They both smile because this is it. They are really in love with each other and now, they are engaged. And this is really happening. Lena and Kara are really going to marry each other.

Marrying the love of your life and starting a family with her? What more could they ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how's everyone coping with the hiatus? :)
> 
> Fluff needed.


	20. Yes, Kara. This is a Brothel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This could be considered a filler chapter but my friends gave me this prompt to write so here it goes. This chapter is for u girls! whisper85 and spymaster 
> 
> Sorry for the errors.

 

Winn, Mon-El and the newly engaged couple are on their way to Cat’s pub for some celebratory drinks. Alex and Maggie are already there.

Kara can’t help but feel giddy, unable to wrap her head around the fact that the reason they are about to celebrate is because she and Lena are engaged. Again.

Holding Lena’s hand, Kara intertwines their fingers. She smiles at Lena, star struck, mouthing an **_I love you_** to Lena. The raven haired knight smiles back at her fiancée, winking at her as she gestures a kiss to Kara that made the giggle.

The Krpytonian’s smile slowly fades, looking up at the sky. She blinks as rain drops settle on her eyes.

“It’s starting to rain.” Mon-el says.

“There!” Kara points to a pub looking place. “We can take shelter there.”

They all turn to where Kara is pointing and exchanged looks with each other.

“Kara, darling. I don’t think you want to go in there.” Lena says, putting her palm over Kara’s head as if it would stop the rain from falling. “Cat’s pub is not far from here. We can make it if we run.”

Mon-El shakes his head. He tries to hold back his laughter but fails big time. Winn and Lena  glares at him.

“Trust me, Kar.” Mon-el clears his throat, trying to make his face look serious. “You don’t wanna go there.”

Kara frowns at him and sees Winn and Lena’s as well. She’s pretty sure she was missing something. On a normal day, she would just ask but she didn’t appreciate Mon-El laughing at him. Plus, this is Kara and Lena’s celebration day and she won’t allow her fiancée to get sick because of the rain.

“Well you gentlemen should go ahead if you don’t want to.” Kara walks pass them, heading towards the pub. “Let’s go Lena!”

“Kara!” Lena, Winn, and Mon-El call her in unison but the princess had already gone inside.

 

“This way, milady.” A woman says, leading Kara to a closed quarter.

Kara follows her, not bothering to look up. She was busy trying to get the mud off her clothes. When the Kryptonian finally gives her attention to the woman, they were already inside the quarter.

“What can I get you, milady?” The woman asks, smirking. “You want sweet or –”

Kara’s eyes widen at the word. She could eat sweets all day. Desserts are one of her stress relievers. She may not be stressed right now but she definitely would love to have one.

“Yes, please!” Kara practically squeals. “Or anything would do really. And can you make that two for my fiancée and me?”

“Sure thing!” The  woman says before leaving.

Kara sits on the couch, wondering what’s taking Lena so long. She takes the moment to lean down, wiping the mud off her shoes.

She senses someone sitting at her right and another one at her left. The woman on her left puts her hand on Kara’s thighs as she kisses Kara’s neck.

The Kryptonian princess closes her eyes, reveling at the sensation.

“Lena. That… Ah. That feels so good. But…” Kara squirms. “ButnWinn and Mon-El are watching.”

The person on her right starts to kiss her neck too, her lips traveling down to Kara’s collarbone. It took a moment for the blonde to register that there are two lips on her body.

Kara jumps, opening her eyes the exact moment Lena, Mon-El and Winn enter the room.

Mon-El trying to hide his laughter while Winn’s eyes widen. Lena on the other hand, crosses her arms on her chest, raising an eyebrow at Kara.

“Lena!” Kara says, trying to think of an explanation why she’s between two ladies.

She looks at the ladies, panicking. “You’re not Lena.”

She could hear Mon-El and Winn chuckling at the back of Lena whilst the ladies beside her laugh.

“nuh-uh” The lady at her right says, kissing Kara’s collar bone again. “My name is Anh.”

The one at her left licks her neck up to her ears, nibbling it. “You can call me Petra, sweetheart” the lady whispers, her hand going higher on Kara’s thighs.

“Oh Rao No!” Kara gulps, stopping the lady’s hand. She pushes them away and gets up, looking so guilty like a five year old just stole a cookie from the cookie jar. “Rao Lena. This isn’t what It looks like.”

Lena grinds her teeth, trying to hide the smirk she’s desperately keeping, and arches up her eyebrow instead with her arms still crossed on her chest. “You mean two women weren’t just kissing you?”

“I uh okay. this is what it looks but I swear to rao Lena. I don’t know them. I didn’t even know they were here. I mean I knew they were people but I thought they were you, Winn and Mon-El. Oh Rao. You have to believe me, Lena. I’m not cheating on you. They were just kissing me suddenly and I thought it was you so I had my eyes closed.”

Mon-El and Winn chuckles even more and Lena couldn’t stop herself anymore. She lets out a laugh and when Kara realizes it, Lena clears her throat, trying to stop her laughter.

“Wait. You’re laughing. Why were you laughing?” Kara frowns, glancing at everyone in the room.

“Okay ladies, see yourself out. Your services aren’t needed here anymore.” Lena says two the two ladies at the back of Kara, gesturing to the exit.

When the ladies head out, opening the curtains  that acted as the door, Kara could see a few men from afar engaging in some sexual activities with women who wore the same clothes as Petra and Anh.

Kara’s eyes widen, immediately turning her back as she covers her eyes with her hands. “Oh Rao! Did I just see…”

“Oh Karra honey” Lena stands infront of Kara, smiling. She removes her fiancée’s hand from her eyes. “That’s why we told you not to come in here.”

“Well you can’t blame those ladies, Kara. People go to a brother for those kinds of activities.” Mon-El adds.

“Oh. So..” Kara’s mouth slightly opens, shocked at the realization.

Lena laughs, shaking her head. “Yes Kara, you’re in a Brothel.”

The raven haired beauty pulls Kara into her arms and kisses that crinkle on the Kryptonian’s forehead.

“Can you not tell Alex about this?”

 

* * *

 

“I cannot believe Kara didn’t realize she went inside the Brothel!” Alex laughs hysterically. “I should have been there to see my sister’s face.”

“I even still can’t believe Lena is actually Morgana.” Maggie adds.

“Well, still. Nothing beats my sister going inside a Brothel.”

“WHAT?” coming back from the rest room, Kara sits beside Lena as he glares at Winn. “You told Alex?”

“I didn’t. I swear!” Winn promises, gesturing a cross on his heart.

“Did you?” Kara frowns, asking Lena.

“Well, I told Maggie.” Winn adds.

“Which is basically the same thing!” Mon-El says, kissing Winn on his lips before drinking his beer.

“Wait. What? What just happened?”

Everyone turns to Kara, wondering what the blonde means.

“Kara honey, you do know Winn and Mon-El here are a thing right? I mean everyone in this table knows.” Lena says, putting her arms around Kara’s, pulling her fiancée closer to her.

“Uh yeah of course.” Kara takes the two empty beer mugs on the table and gets up. “I’m gonna take a refill.”

When Kara is out of range, everyone lets out the laugh they’ve been trying to hold.

“Little Danvers definitely didn’t know.” Maggie states, shaking his head.

 

“Hey, Lena can we talk?”

Lena and Alex transfer to another table, Alex wanting some privacy away from the ears of their friends. Alex tap her fingers on the table not knowing where to start and how to say the things she had inn mind to Lena.

“It’s okay, Alex.” Lena smiles, encouraging the older Danvers. “Just say it.”

“Okay.” Alex relaxes a little. “You see when you were Morgana, I didn’t say anything because you took care of Kara. You took care of my best friend, my sister. But then you were gone, Lena.”

“I know.”

“You were gone and that left Kara’s heart into a million pieces. You weren’t here to witness day by day how her once perfect life turned into a mess. I was. You hurt her when you left more than 8 years ago. And I know it’s not your fault.”

“But still.” Lena nods.

“And you hurt her when you lied to her. I knew even the first time she came into my room demanding to get rid of you that you were having a different impact on Kara. And I knew she was falling in love with you. What I’m trying to say is please, don’t hurt her ever again.”

“I would never intentionally hurt Kara, Alex. You know that.”

“I know” Alex sighs, shaking her head. “But you’re just not a knight, Lena. You know it has never been just about you and Kara. Kingdoms are involved. People our involved. I just don’t want my sister getting in the crossfire of it all.”

This is what Alex worries about, really. Even back then when Kara was still the Kara Zor-El, daughter of King Zor-EL and Queen Alura, and Lena was still Morgana, Camelot’s precious princess, it was never just about them. The Kingdom of Camelot and Krypton were always in the mix. And now it’s even more complicated than before with the Kingdom of Daxam in the mix.

Alex fears that it’s only a matter of time before hell breaks loose and she needed Lena’s assurance that Kara is her priority.

Lena smiles, thinking about what Alex really meant. And the Older Danvers was right. It has never been that simple with them. But if there’s one thing she knows is that she would do **_anything_** just to protect Kara.

“I’m giving you my word Alex. I wouldn’t put Kara in harm’s way again. _Ever_.”

“I trust you, Lena.” Alex smiles turning to Kara’s direction.

Lena does the same and they both shake their heads at Kara smiling and being cute as she orders another round of beers. “You are the only one who was able to make her that happy again. It’s like you woke Kara up from a deep sleep, Lena. You were able to show her the good and the darkness in this world. And even with that, she’s choosing to live her life.”

Alex stares right at Lena’s eyes and holds the brunette’s hands, squeezing it. “Anyone who does that to my sister deserves her. And believe me; she’s one blessed woman to have someone like you too.”

 

* * *

 

“Rao. I’m sorry, sir” Kara mutters as she bumps into someone.

The man nods, giving Kara a smile. He heads back towards the table with the men he’s with.

“Is that her?” The man asks.

“Yes.” Another man lifts the hood of his cloak, trying to stay hidden. “And that one beside her, that’s my sister, your long lost princes, rightful queen of Camelot” Prince Arthur adds, chugging a mug of beer because this is definitely harder than he thought.

He knew Kara and Morgana love each other. He didn’t know they were engaged again. And now in this bar where Kara and Lena had been inseparable all night long, screaming **_I’m marrying the love of my life_ ** and everyone cheering with them as Cat the owner hands out one round of free drinks in honor of the newly engaged couple, Arthur is in dilemma.

He loves his sister, yes. But he’s also just a prince. –Just a person subjected to the orders of his king.

When Lena finally goes to the counter alone, Arthur takes this opportunity to do what he came here to do.

Arthur and his men surround the raven haired princess, blocking their lost princess from escaping.

Lena shakes  her head and chuckles wirily. “Of course. Arthur.”

“You’re coming with us, Morgana.”

“And what if I don’t?”

Arthur motions his head towards where Kara is. Lena could see there were three drinking beside Kara’s table. But Lena knows those faces. They were Camelot’s hit men known for causing slow and painful death. Lena understood Arthur’s message clearly. Go with him willingly or Kara will die.

Lena gulps, clenching her fists so hard that the nails pierce through her skin. She was trying to fight her tears from falling down because there’s no way she’s going to let this goons see her in a vulnerable state.

Because that’s what Lena feels right now. – Vulnerable and scared. Scared not for her but for Kara.

“Can I atleast say goodbye?”

“I can’t do that Morgana.” Arthur orders his men to hold secure Lena as they pass through the back door.

Lena wanted to fight. She’s a skilled warrior for rao’s sake. She’s sure she could probably take these men by her own. But she had just promised Alex she’d protect Kara at all cost.

She was about to be thrown inside the carriage when a voice startles everyone.

“You know what, Arthur. I’m really getting tired of you and your men coming here in _my Kingdom._ ” Kara was leaning on the wall, her right foot on the wall as well whilst her arms are crossed.

“Kara!” Lena knows the situation is a bit scary but she can’t help but smile as pride surges through her. Kara had seldom talked about being a princess, an heir to throne. But hearing Kara owning up what is hers makes Lena proud of her fiancée.

“Kara… How?” Arthur asks with surprise in her voice.

“Oh. Are you worried about your men? I’m a princess Arthur, did you really think I wasn’t trained to spot those who are a threat to my life?” Kara steps forward, smirking and being all smug.

She looks at Arthur’s men one by one, already forming moves in her head. She knows Lena could even handle herself more than her.  Between Lena and Kara, she knows they could take everyone in here.

“I’m giving you one more chance…” Kara takes another step closer to the Prince. The men prepare to attack but Arthur gestures them to stop.

“LET. MY. FIANCEE. GO.” Kara  says, punctuating each word with a step closer to the prince, saying it with so much tenacity in her voice it could command an army.

“Kara, Kara”  Arthur  shakes his head. “Those men weren’t there to kill or threaten you.”

Kara looks at Arthur but she could feel it. That’s why she’s been dizzy even though she hadn’t had too much to drink. She blinks, trying to get a clearer vision but everything is starting to get foggy.

“They were there to collect you.”

“What’s happening to her? What did you do?!” Lena yells at her brother, trying to push away the men holding her in place. 

“Oh gawd, Kara!” She catches Kara just as the Kryptonian faints. Lena holds an unconscious Kara in her hands when only a few seconds after, darkness takes her.

 

* * *

 

 

Lena feels exhausted, her body is in pain, feeling like every bone is fractured. Her head is throbbing as well, like something is drilling a whole in her skull. She groans, blinking as she tries to open her eyes.

And when they finally did, she wished she hadn’t.

“Welcome home, my daughter.” King Uther says, caressing Lena and holding his daughter's hand.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No angst for now. I need my babies happy a little bit longer. Anyways I can't wait to write the chapters where the setting is now in Camelot. 
> 
> Hope u guys still enjoyed this chapter! and oh, thank you for the comments fam! i may not be able to reply right away but your feedbacks are much appreciated especially when writer's block happens. SO THANKS A BUNCH! SML!
> 
> I made an account. You can send some questions or prompts there fam! https://curiouscat.me/bezziexmates


	21. let her go

 

Lena feels exhausted, her body is in pain, feeling like every bone is fractured. Her head is throbbing as well, like something is drilling a whole in her skull. She groans, blinking as she tries to open her eyes.

And when they finally did, she wished she hadn’t.

“Welcome home, my daughter.” King Uther says, caressing Lena and holding her hand.

“Kara?!” Lena gets up as fear and panic takes over. “Where’s Kara?! What have you done to Kara?!”

“Relax, Morgana. She’s safe at the west wing.”

Lena clenches her jaw. Yes, she had missed her father. She wishes she could hug him and feel happy that she’s back home but she can’t. She can’t even look at her father without feeling disgusted. All she remembers is how Kara suffered in his hands, how long it took for those wounds on Kara’s body to heal. – Those wounds that her own father had caused.

Lena starts to head out, wanting to see her fiancée as soon as possible. She just couldn’t be in the same room as her father right now.

“I’m not done talking, Morgana” King Uther says with so much authority in his voice, making Lena pause in her place.

“Let her go”

“What?” Lena scoffs, turning to face the king. She could believe the audacity of his father to even utter those words. “If you think I would let the love of my life go then you’re more delusional tha–“

“For the sake of the two kingdoms, let her go.”

Lena knows she should just go, that she should just leave and not listen to any word her father is speaking. But if there’s even a possibility of peace to exist in both kingdoms, even just the slightest, who is she not to hear it out? “What do you mean?”  Lena asks calmly, hoping for the best.

“Let the Zor-El go. Never see her again. And I’ll make sure no more blood will be shed. No economy will suffer. Peace shall exist. If you don’t, Krypton shall cease to exist and I will let you see every bit of it burn.”

“She’s–“ Lena says, not knowing what to do with this. So she says the only thing she knows. “She’s my fiancée.  She’s my fiancée, father.”

King Uther takes a few steps closer to her daughter. He could hear the plea in his daughter’s words. But it is what it is. “You are a fool if you think there’s a chance I’ll have a Kryptonian in the family.”

“What happened to you, Father?! You used to hold Kara in your arms! King Zor-El and Queen Alura were your closest friends. How can you– How can you even think of doing that to Krypton?!

King Uther just smiles and walks pass Lena. He pauses, thinking about his dead friends. “They killed your mother. They betrayed me and killed my love.”

“And you killed them. You killed almost everyone who belonged in the House of El.”

Lena takes a step back, not believing how cruel her father had become.

“You are where you belong, Morgana. In your kingdom. With your people.” King Uther says as he walks out the room, leaving an angry daughter behind. “Again, one week, Morgana. One week.”

Lena feels so angry she takes the things on the table near her and throws it towards the door, hoping they would hit her father. They didn’t. Rage rushes through her veins because how is there even a choice?

King Uther didn’t even bother to explain for leaving her in Daxam. There were no _i miss you’s_ or _I’m sorry’s._ It was straight to business as the King with her father. She wants to break down and cry but she can’t. She won’t. All she feels is anger.

 

* * *

 

 

Lena’s on her way to see Kara when something she didn’t expect starts happening.

 _“Lady, Morgana. Welcome back_.” A little kid with the biggest smile says, giving her a rose.

The kid hugs her and Lena leans down to hug her back and kiss the little kid on her forehead.

This goes on with every person she passes by along the halls of the castle.

_“Milady, Glad you’re back” a knight says._

_“Welcome back our rightful queen.”_

_“I never believed you were dead.”_

_“All hail to our princess.”_

_“Thank the gods for returning you to us”_

_“Your mom would be so happy.”_

_“Now if only the war could stop and there’s peace.”_

It made her heart warm knowing that people – her people – haven’t forgotten about her and most especially, that each and every one of  them are happy that their Princess Morgana is back.

_“Your mom would be so happy.”_

_“Now if only the war could stop and there’s peace.”_

 

The last two things that people had said to her though stuck in her mind the most. She now has the power to stop the war. But could she really trust her father’s words more importantly knowing what it would cost her? _Who_ it would cost her?

 ** _You mom would be so happy_** _._ Amidst all the things that are happening in her life, she hadn’t really thought about what happened with her mom that much. It’s Lena’s coping mechanism because if she let herself really think about it, if she lets her mind linger at it, she doesn’t know if she can cope.

 

 

_“mom? Are you still mad?” Morgana asks as she lies on the queen’s lap._

_“Not anymore, honey. Just don’t do it again, okay?” Morgana’s mom brushes her hair, assuring the raven haired princess that all is well. “Never sneak out again, do you understand?”_

_“Yes, mom. I’m sorry again.” Morgana nods. She promises herself never to. She really upset her mom and Morgana doesn’t want to do that again. Ever. “I just… I just really wanted to see Kara.”_

_Morgana listens to the song Queen Vivviene is humming. She smiles at the way her mother strokes her hair.  Morgana is buried deep in her thoughts about Kara. About everything. “Mom?” She asks, hesitating for a bit._

_“Yes, honey?”_

_“I- I think I like Kara. Not in the usual way. Is that… Is that okay, mom?”_

_“Oh Morgana, honey.” Vivviene tilts Morgana’s head, making sure her daughter is looking straight in her eye. “Of course it is. Whatever you feel for Kara, you go ahead and feel it, alright? Do not let other tell you otherwise.”_

_“Really mom?” Morgana gives her mom the biggest smile._

_“Really. I like Kara. She’s like a daughter to me as well.”_

_Morgana adjusts her body, turning away from her mom. “I like Kara too.” She whispers to herself, grinning like a lunatic._

 

 

“Morgana!” 

A voice calls her from behind, interrupting Lena’s trip to memory lane. She turns and sees someone she hadn’t realized how much she missed until now.

“Oh my god!” Lena smiles, pulling her friend for a tight embrace. “Gwen!”

Gwen pulls back, holding Lena by her shoulders. She looks at her friend intently as if making sure that she’s real, that this is really happening. Tears start to fill her eyes at the sight of her friend. 

“Hey, Hey.” Lena smiles, squeezing Gwen’s hands. “I missed you to Gwen.”

“I didn’t say I miss you.” Gwen nudges Lena. She crosses her eyes and arches up an eyebrow. “I hate you.”

Lena laughs and pulls her friend closer. “You can never.” She adds, clinging to Gwen’s arm as they walk along the hall.

“I’m glad you’re back, Morgana. I told Arthur countless times–”

“Wait.” Lena pauses. “You knew?”

“Arthur told me. I’m sorry.”

“Well, my brother couldn’t keep a secret from you even if he tried.” Lena pulls Gwen again, continuing their walk. “I’ll tell you everything but for now, bring me to my princess?”

Gwen shakes her head, smiling at her friend who seemed not to have changed at all. “You, my friend, are even more whipped now than 9 years ago.”

“Excuse me, I am so not.” Lena fakes gasping, acting like she’s offended.

Her laugh slowly falters as soon as she remembered.

**_ONE WEEK._ **

 

* * *

 

Lena silently opens the door to Kara’s room, mouthing a _thank you_ to Gwen.  She finds the blonde looking thru the window, her arms crossed on her chest and hair being blown by the gush of window.

Lena smiles at the sight of her beautiful fiancée.  She walks towards her, embracing Kara by her waist from behind, settling her chin on the Kryptonian’s shoulder as she presses their faces together.

Kara smiles, holding Lena’s arms around her waist, inhaling her lover’s scent.

“Have you been waiting for me?” Lena asks.

“Always.” Kara answers, tilting her head  closer to Lena’s as they stare at the horizon.

Lena doesn’t miss the double meaning in Kara’s response. It makes a tug in her heart knowing how Kara had waited for this time in her life to come, how long she had waited for Lena to come back without even knowing it. And Now…. _This?_

Lena lets out a deep breath that catches Kara’s attention. She turns her head, trying to see Lena’s facial expression. “Hey, Lena. What’s wrong?”

Lena sighs, faking a smile. “Nothing. Kara, you have to get out of here. You have to go home.”

“I’m not going anywhere without you, Lena.”

“Kara, you’re here in Camelot. Do you really want to add fuel to the fire in this war?”

“Don’t worry, Lena. Krypton wouldn’t attack.” Kara holds Lena’s hands and squeezes them. She tilts Lena’s chin and stares right at those tantalizing green eyes. “I have a plan. Just– Just trust me, okay?”

Lena doesn’t say anything because Kara’s plan wouldn’t even matter in one week. So she pulls her fiancée and kisses her instead. “Let’s get you some food, darling.”

 

Lena tours Kara around the castle –or what she remembers of it– before getting some food. It’s a different experience from what she had on the way to see Kara. Earlier she was welcomed with smiles and hugs.

Now, her people still give her the biggest smile and warmest hugs but they also give Kara the kind of stare that could kill. Of course everyone knew who Kara is. Camelot’s was Kara’s second home after all. But most importantly they recognize a Kryptonian when they see one especially if it’s the daughter of the people who took their most beloved queen from them, the daughter of the people who they blamed for causing so many lives.

Lena could see how Kara looks away, how affected she gets. She squeezes Kara’s hand, assuring the blonde that she’s right beside her. “Kara, they don’t know you. They’ll love you when–”

“It’s okay if they don’t” Kara knows this is a lie but she says it anyway. “What matters is You do.”

The Kryptonian pulls Lena to stop. “Lena, you do, right?” She asks as if expecting a different answer other than _yes_ from Lena. “You love me, right?”

And Lena feels it again. That aching feeling in her heart. She loves Kara so much. Too much that the mere thought of letting her go hurts. And Kara’s being clingy like she’s getting the same feeling too. It’s almost as if Kara knows and wants assurance from Lena more than ever. – which just makes everything harder, more painful.

“Even when I don’t say it, I do. I love you, Kara. Always.” Lena kisses her fiancée, assuring her. She gives her the smile she could manage considering what’s in her mind. She wonders if Kara could sense it, if she could see the sadness behind the smiles.

 

* * *

 

Arthur doesn’t interrupt Kara and Lena for a little bit longer. He watches the two, wishing his sister and Kara could make it, wishing they both live in another life. Maybe then fate wouldn’t be cruel to them.

After a few moments, he walks in Lena’s balcony, taking the seat beside his sister.

“Arthur.” Kara wonders what the prince wants but acknowledges his presence nonetheless.

Lena, however, gives him an irritated look, arching up her eye brow directed towards her brother.

“I’ll leave in a while.” Arthur assures Lena. He gives her a knowing look, making sure Lena gets what he’s about to say. “I’m just here to make sure everything is alright and _in order._ ”

“It is.” Lena says, giving her brother an intense look, hoping he’d go away.

He doesn’t. There’s an awkward silence in the atmosphere. He stares at the night sky above them, the stars shining brightly. “Did you know I used to have a crush on you when we were young, Kara?”

Kara who is leaning on Lena’s shoulder, snorts. Lena’s expression changes from being hostile to amused.

“So that’s why you always snitched on me whenever I try to sneak out to see Kara.” Lena shakes her head, smiling at the memory.

“when we were young I felt then that Kara was the embodiment of everything there is to love in this world.”

Lena stares at her brother. She couldn’t believe he had felt that way for Kara before. She transfers her gaze to Kara who’s in her arms. Lena smiles as Kara stares at her back, grinning as well, looking like a love sick puppy. “That she definitely is, brother.” She says, kissing Kara on her head.

“I didn’t know that but I’m sure you never stood a chance then, Arthur.” The Kryptonian says without breaking the smile and gaze between Lena and her.

Arthur watches the whole scene unfold in front of him. “I know.” He whispers to himself, remembering how Kara never took her eyes off Morgana. Just like what’s happening at this very moment.

He’d seen people in love. He’s in love with someone himself. But he doesn’t think anyone could measure up to the love of Kara and his sister has for each other.

Kara kisses Lena before getting up, telling her she needs to shower, leaving the two siblings behind. On her way out, she stops for a moment, looking back to see the Pendragon siblings once more.

“I’m still mad at you.” Lena breaks the silence. “But I’m glad you’re here.”

“People like us, Morgana. We aren’t born for love. We are born for the kingdom, for the people.”

“Why can’t we, Arthur?” Lena looks at his brother who’s staring at the stars. “Mom and Dad had it. You have it with Gwen.”

“You get lucky, Morgana. I got Lucky.” Arthur stares at his sister, wishing he could make everything better, easier. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.” Lena sighs, feeling exhausted more than ever. She stares at her hands, the hands that hold Kara’s.  “All I know is I have a week. A week to show Kara how much I love her. A week to make her the happiest fiancée anyone could ever be.”

“She’ll understand, Morgana.”

“Will she?” Lena asks, staring back at her brother’s sympathizing eyes.

“How–” Lena’s voice breaks, her heart aching. “How can I possibly let her go, Arthur?”

Right then and there, Lena couldn’t stop her tears from falling as she asks her brother. It was a question she really wants to find the answer to. Because she knows what to do, she just genuinely doesn’t know how, or if she can. And she wants somebody to tell her how. She wants someone to answer her questions.

Because really, How do you come to terms with losing the person whose own existence means more to you than your own? Regardless of the noble excuses the King had given, How do you come to terms that you… that it was you who had let her go? Who had let the one person that gives your life meaning, the person who makes you the happiest,  go?

Lena wonders how can she possibly come to terms with that.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi fam. I kno ive been out for like a month but is anyone still reading this?
> 
> okay you guys, im asking you to hang in there and wait for what happens before you hate on Lena/Kara in this chapter bc it might not be what you think. ;)

**Author's Note:**

> IM JUST A SHIPPER WITH NO EXPERTISE IN WRITING AND WHOSE FIRST LANGUAGE ISNT ENGLISH so pleaaase dont be too harsh :) (NO PROOF READING)
> 
> thanks so much! If you want to talk anything related to Supercorp, supergirl, Mel and Katie...  
> Twitter / curiouscat @bezziexmates  
> Tumblr: rainbowsxunicorns


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